Welcome to the ultimate top 10 pick handbook, where we turn cringe‑worthy pick‑up attempts into pure comedy gold. Whether you’ve been cornered at a bar or haunted by cheesy one‑liners online, these retorts will give you the perfect ammunition to shut them down with style.
1 5
Man: “Hey there, I’m rolling in cash!”
Woman: “Hey, I’m on payroll at the IRS.”
Man: “What’s your line of work?”
Woman: “I moonlight as a female impersonator.”
Man: “Care to swing by my pad?”
Woman: “I’m not sure… can two folks even squeeze under a rock?”
Man: “Sweetheart, what’s your zodiac sign?”
Woman: “No entry.”
Man: “Where have you been hiding?”
Woman: “For half of that time I wasn’t even born yet.”
2 10
Man: “Come on, we’re both at this bar for identical motives!”
Woman: “Sure, to snag some chicks!”
Man: “Haven’t we crossed paths before?”
Woman: “Indeed, I’m the front‑desk lady at the STD clinic.”
Man: “May I dial you? What’s your digits?”
Woman: “You’ll find them in the phone book.”
Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s listed there as well.”
Man: “I’d love to slip into your trousers.”
Woman: “Thanks, but there’s already a… well, you know.”
Man: “How do you prefer your eggs at sunrise?”
Woman: “Unfertilized.”
3 Something For The Boys
You didn’t think you’d escape that easily, did you? Here are seven savage comebacks for the boys who think they can slide past you with a line.
Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?”
Woman: “Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”
Man: “Really? I heard it was because everyone there thinks you’re a fat skank.”
Man: “Is this seat empty?”
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.”
Man: “Probably because you’d be on your knees greeting my crotch.”
Man: “Your place or mine?”
Woman: “Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.”
Man: “That’s cool, ’cause after I’m done sleeping with you in the back of my car, I don’t give a crap where you go.”
Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman: “Unfertilized.”
Man: “No problem, I can always withdraw onto your face.”
Man: “Do you want to dance?”
Woman: “No!”
Man: “I think you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants.”
Man: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.”
Woman: “If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.”
Man: “That works for me… as long as you’re still warm when I do you.”