[WARNING: This list contains disturbing fictional footage.] Movie fans have long contended that there are certain movie deaths that are just not plausible. These include ‘drowning’ in quicksand, being strangled to death in under a minute and decapitation by merely swiping a knife across someone’s neck.
With horror movies, it gets even worse, especially left to the creative minds of sick Hollywood types. Characters are cut into little pieces when pushed into a barbed wire fence or have their eyeballs pop out during laser surgery. Not to mention getting squashed by a flying car engine or having their heads popped open by falling weightlifting equipment. And this is all from just one movie franchise.
On this list are 10 more over-the-top horror movie deaths that (hopefully) wouldn’t happen in real life.
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10 A stomp will do it
In Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Myers, who appears dead, is being transported in an ambulance. Unfortunately for one of the paramedics, Myers suddenly pulls an Undertaker move and sits up. He then proceeds to push his thumb into the poor man’s skull, thereby killing him. Now while this might look ‘awesome’ on screen, it would be literally impossible to do in real life.
This doesn’t stop Myers from continuing the implausible kills, however. In Halloween (2018) he not only yanks a man’s teeth from his mouth after ripping open his jaw, he also stomps on his psychiatrist’s head, squishing it to pieces in one very gruesome scene.
9Watch out for the wire
The opening sequence of Ghost Ship may be one of the most memorable in horror movie history, but it’s also one of the most unrealistic death scenes. A wire slices through passengers attending a party on the deck of a ship, cutting them in half.
While this scene is rather terrifying, and could be rather hard for squeamish viewers to watch, it is also highly improbable considering the amount of people one wire has to cut through, not to mention ribs and spines getting in the way.
MythBusters even tested the theory of a cable cutting a person in half and could not find any concrete evidence to support the possibility.
8 Glass pane that makes bones disappear
As mentioned in the intro, there is a certain movie franchise that has made it its business to come up with evermore over-the-top, unrealistic, yet highly entertaining death scenes. Each movie tries to outdo its predecessor and include weirdly contorted gymnasts, death by brick, bathtub incidents, wrenched bodies and more.
One death in particular had fans hit the pause and replay button, however. Simply because it was even more ridiculous than the others. In Final Destination 2, Tim Carpenter almost chokes to death during a dentist appointment and later also almost gets electrocuted. But Death had a much “simpler” plan for Carpenter.
In his last moments, Carpenter heads out of the building, rudely shoos away a bunch of pigeons and then gets rewarded by a massive falling glass plane that basically turns him into Jell-O. One might be tempted to ask what had happened to all the bones in this body, but that would just ruin the hilarity of the moment.
7 Sliced in half by… more glass
There is more glass in this entry, this time in the form of a door. Thirteen Ghosts was released in 2001 and introduced fans to a host of creepy characters including The Torso, The Great Child, The Angry Princess and The Jackal who all lurked in a spooky house.
Along with these horrifying beings came a multitude of character deaths, including a man cut in half by a car, another man thrown into spinning rings that cut him to pieces and a woman squashed between two glass walls.
The most talked about death scene, however, comes when a cocky lawyer walks past several of the ghostly inhabitants to get to a case filled with money, stashed away in the basement. He takes the case and then tries to make his way out only to be stalked by the Angry Princess and then absurdly split in half by a glass door. The lawyer’s front half then slides down the glass while the back half stays put against the other side of the door for a second or two. The surprised look on his face is truly priceless.
6 My eyes!
Rounding out a glass-trio, the glass in this entry comes from ordinary eyeglasses.
Carrie was released in 1976 and a sequel appeared many years later when The Rage: Carrie 2 was released in 1999. The movie is based on the real-life rapes and sexual assaults by a group of high school boys from California who called themselves the Spur Posse. These boys ‘kept score’ of their horrific acts by using a points system.
The star of the movie, Rachel, is enraged when her friend commits suicide after being humiliated by a football player she had slept with. She passes the information on to the local sheriff who attempts to charge the player, Eric, with statutory rape. This angers Eric’s friends who then target Rachel, not knowing she has telekinetic powers.
Inevitably, Rachel exacts her own revenge. Towards the end of the film, Eric and his friend Mark, together with Mark’s girlfriend, Monica, try to take on Rachel with harpoon guns. Rachel uses her powers to shatter Monica’s eyeglasses, effectively blinding her. In shock, Monica shoots Eric with her harpoon gun and they both bleed out and die. It is truly a scene that must be watched to be fully appreciated.
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5 You can microwave anything, apparently
The Last House on the Left also thrives on vengeance. A gang brutally assaults two young girls, killing one and raping the other. Mari, who was raped, manages to get away and jump into a lake but is then shot in the back by the man who attacked her.
The gang ends up seeking shelter from a raging storm at a nearby house. Unbeknownst to them, it is the house Mari had lived in with her parents. It is soon revealed that Mari is still alive, and her parents come to realize what has happened and who the people in their home really are. The couple plan revenge on the gang and end their unexpected reign of terror by injuring the rapist, Krug, to such an extent that he is paralyzed from the neck down. Mari’s father, John, then places Krug’s head in a microwave and turns it on. As the film ends, Krug’s head explodes in gruesome fashion.
This is a truly over-the-top gross out scene that technically shouldn’t have happened as a microwave doesn’t work with the door open. But since Krug deserved everything he got, we’ll just let this one slide. You can watch the clip here.
4 No vegetables, no dessert!
Sleepwalkers is a strange film but, to be fair, so are most of Stephen King’s creations. The movie features two incestuous Sleepwalkers (a mother and her son) who feed on female virgins and are deathly afraid of cats, as the felines can see through these creatures’ human disguise. Unsurprisingly, the movie received many unfavourable reviews after its release in 1992, but it does have somewhat of a cult following.
There are a lot of ridiculous scenes in the movie, including the Sleepwalker son breaking off a guy’s hand and then… handing it to him (pun intended). Not to mention the exceptionally cheesy dialogue that accompanies these scenes. At one point during the film the Sleepwalker mother, Mary Brady, walks up behind a police officer talking on his phone and she stabs him in the back. Her weapon of choice? A corncob. The best part about this hilarious scene is Mary’s line at the end: “No vegetables, no dessert. That’s the rule.”
3 Pancakes of death
Lumberjack Man is a comedy horror released in 2015, and as such the kills are supposed to be hilarious and outrageous. However, when it comes to food as murder weapon, this movie takes it one step further.
The killer, Lumber Jack, stalks teens and staff on a retreat during their annual camp. Lumber Jack is armed with a saw, axes and a rolling griddle that sports giant pancakes. He kills the teenagers and uses their blood in lieu of syrup to pour over the flapjacks. There are a lot of murders that include people being hacked to death with axes, heads impaled by spikes, a truly weird scene where a girl’s breast implants are torn out through her back and a police officer who gets his heart ripped out and plopped into his mouth.
The winner, however, has to be poor Courtney who gets beaten to death with a giant … yup, you guessed it … pancake.
2 Superman … erm… Jason punch!
Jason Voorhees is one of the creepier killers in horror movies. He is not on the Michael Myers level, but his hockey mask has been known to strike fear into the hearts of movie goers worldwide. Jason has been featured in a host of Friday the 13th movies and went head to head against Freddy Krueger in Freddy vs Jason.
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan was released in 1989 and was deemed one of the weaker instalments in the series. The movie centres around Jason stalking high school students, first on a ship and then in NYC.
As expected, there are a multitude of murders throughout, with a hot rock from a sauna being used as a weapon, a woman being stabbed with a spear gun, throat slitting, stabbing and toxic waste drownings.
The most graphic (and unintentionally funny) scene comes when one of the victims tries to fight back only to have his efforts rewarded with a single powerful punch by Jason that sees his head fly clean off and land in a nearby dumpster.
1 Blended
You’re Next, released in 2011, focuses on estranged siblings reuniting at a dinner held in honor of their parent’s wedding anniversary at their childhood home. As the dinner progresses, the family suddenly finds itself under attack by unknown assailants who are determined to finish them all off.
What the attackers don’t know, however, is that one of the siblings, Crispian, has a girlfriend who is not afraid to fight back. Erin uses her survival skills with precision and brings her own revenge on the attackers by stabbing and bludgeoning them with a meat pounder.
It is eventually revealed that one of the siblings, Felix, and his partner Zee, hired the assassins to murder the family in the name of money (inheritance). They try to kill Erin, but she turns the tables on them and kills Felix with a blender. She first smashes it into Felix’s face, plunges the smashed carafe onto this head and ensures the blade pierces the skull before she turns the blender on. The blade effectively mushes Felix’s brains into a disgusting smoothie after which Erin jams a knife into the top of Zee’s head.
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