2020 may be full of horrible news, but the ridiculous continues despite all that’s going on around the world. Here are ten stories that spread this week, and hopefully, they will be able to bring a smile to everyone’s faces as we step away from reality, if only for a short while.
10 ‘Cows Take Over Beer Garden At Closed Restaurant And Hotel’
A lot of businesses around the world had to close their doors when COVID-19 emerged, but those doors weren’t nailed shut. Businesses are finally reopening, and more than a few owners have returned to their buildings to find strange and unwelcome guests. In one case, a large snake had taken up residence, and in another, a herd of cows. A British hotel and restaurant reopened this week to find a literal herd of cows had taken up residence in the beer garden, making for the largest and most unusual unwelcome guests to appear following widespread closures.
The Motat House in Acton Trussell outside of Stafford, England, became home to a dozen cows wandering about in the outdoor seating area. “We had spaced out the tables and chairs to try our meter or two-meter social distancing, but they showed no respect for that. We wondered if they thought they had herd immunity.” The cows had wandered over from a nearby farm, but according to The Moat House’s Facebook post, “Even the cows can’t wait for us to reopen.” The cows were returned to their homes, and the hotel will continue with its plans to reopen in July.[1]
9 ‘Ex-eBay Employees Charged With Mailing Spiders, Cockroaches And Pig Mask To Critics’
Six former employees who worked for eBay have been charged with harassing a couple critical of the company. The former workers have been charged with sending obscene messages, mailing live insects, and a Halloween mask of a bloody pig face. Criminal Charges were filed by the U.S. Attorney’s office for the District of Massachusetts, which include conspiracy to commit cyberstalking and conspiracy to tamper with witnesses. The charges were leveled against James Baugh, eBay’s former senior director of safety and security, and the company’s former director of global resiliency, David Harville.
Four additional former eBay employees have also been charged. According to papers filed with the court, a blog that was highly critical of the eCommerce company angered the brass at eBay. They became convinced that anonymous commenters were conspiring with the blog’s owners, a husband-and-wife team, to badmouth eBay, so the executives became determined to “burn her to the ground.” According to prosecutors, Baugh came up with the harassment campaign, which he learned from the 1988 movie Johnny Be Good. The couple received live spiders and a book about surviving the death of a spouse. Pornography with one of the bloggers’ names was also shipped to their neighbors.[2]
8 ‘Package Containing 32 Bags Of Marijuana Delivered To Wrong Home’
Imagine checking the mail to find a huge package waiting for you. It may not have the familiar smile of Amazon’s packaging, or the logo of something you bought on eBay, but odds are, it’s going to have something fun and exciting in it, right? Well, for one family in Houston, Texas, an unexpected package did contain something fun and exciting — albeit something highly illegal and potentially worrisome. An unexpected package contained 32 bags of marijuana, and the family swears they didn’t order any of it.
Fortunately, the family had the good sense to call the Harris County Sheriff’s Office to report the unusual delivery, as possession of marijuana in Texas is still illegal. A group of Sheriff’s deputies arrived on the scene and took the bags away, but there was no indication as to who was waiting in earnest for their order to show up on their door, nor did the police identify who had sent it. The police took to Instagram to find the rightful owner with a post, which said, “If it is yours, please contact the Harris County Sheriff’s Office to claim it.” Who knows… it might work![3]
7 ‘Florida Man Fist-fights Alligator To Save Dog’
Typically, when a headline features the text ‘Florida Man,’ there’s little hope that the story will be positive for the Sunshine State. There have been so many stories that started out like that over the years; it’s become a well-known trope. Occasionally, a story will emerge about a ‘Florida Man’ that is positive, even if it is a bit crazy. This week, a Florida man named Trent Tweddale was walking his six-year-old dog, Loki, when a 13-foot gator emerged from the water nearby to snatch Loki in its mighty jaws.
“I grabbed the dog’s collar to try to pull him back, and I ended up in a tug-of-war match with this gator, and the gator was not letting go,” said the Florida fellow. “So I let go of the collar, and I got about knee-deep into the water and started pounding on the gator’s head until he eventually let go.” Tweddale wasn’t badly injured from the fight, but Loki didn’t fare as well. The dog’s front leg was nearly torn off, but some emergency surgery managed to reattach it with some metal plates and screws. While Loki heals, Tweddale is spending his time trying to trap the gator.[4]
6 ‘Man Slices 65 Kiwis In One Minute For Guinness World Record’
It seems a week can’t go by without David Rush breaking a Guinness World Record, but this week, the Idaho native broke two! The first is arguably much harder to do than last week’s lime juice record, as he managed to slice through 65 kiwis with a sword while standing on a balance board. The previous record was 35, and yes, the fruit was thrown through the air, Fruit Ninja-style. Rush previously appeared on America’s Got Talent, where he broke a record for tearing T-Shirts, but he was eliminated following that appearance. He planned to slice kiwis on his second appearance, though he was to stand on a Swiss ball instead of a balance board.[5]
Rush appeared in a second headline this week: ‘Man Bounces 16 Ping-pong Balls Into Pint Glass For World Record.’ This record is far more impressive than any of his previous, seeing as it could become a lucrative drinking game, but that’s not Rush’s intention. Rush has broken more than 150 world records, which he does to promote STEM education in the United States. According to Rush, bouncing the balls into a single pint glass was far more difficult than he initially thought, but he still managed to beat the record, continuing his record-breaking streak.[6]
5 ‘Batman Costume With 30 Working Gadgets Breaks Guinness Record’
David Rush isn’t the only person breaking world records this week; a co-player in Maine took the record for having the most working gadgets in his Batman costume. Batman is well-known for favoring gadgets, and he’s known for wearing a utility belt in the comics. He has his Batarangs, Shark Repellent, and even a bit of Kryptonite in there should Superman get hit with Red Kryptonite, so it’s a challenge to replicate that in the cosplay community. Keith Dinsmore, of Portland, Maine, managed to outdo the Dark Knight — or, at the very least, Julian Checkley, who held the record before him.
Checkley managed to put 23 functioning gadgets into a Batman cosplay, so Dinsmore decided to attempt to break the record, which he finally did this week. His costume included 30 working items, including a “Bolla, Batarangs, a butane torch, a mini grappling hook, binoculars, a compass, a fingerprint kit, a tracking device, a nylon rope, a road flare, a laser pointer, flashbangs, handcuffs, an acetylene cutting torch, and an extendable baton.” While his suit may feature 30 gadgets, it doesn’t look bulky and could put some Hollywood costume departments to shame.[7]
4 ‘Man With Horse And Cart Furious After Being Refused Service At Kfc Drive-thru’
If you’ve ever wondered why you can’t simply walk up to a drive-thru window to place an order, it’s because the restaurant doesn’t want to be liable when someone gets hit by a car. Still, other modes of transportation are also discouraged. That became all too clear to Ian Bell, who visited a KFC in Carlisle, Cumbria, only to be denied service in an event that left the man “humiliated.” Bell drove into the drive-thru lane, making it so far as the kiosk window, only to be denied service, and it was entirely due to the fact that he was driving a horse and buggy.
The reason he was given for having to vacate the lane was provided by the manager, who said Bell had to leave, and take the horse he rode in on due to health and safety concerns for other customers. Bell pointed out that “horse[s] and carts were around long before motor cars,” but he couldn’t sway the manager, who told him, “you’re not allowed through.” Bell ended up getting some food, though, “In the end, I had to go to McDonald’s for a Big Mac. No one there batted an eyelid. They didn’t say anything to me at all; they just served me my food.”[8]
3 ‘Tenants Freaked Out To Learn Letting Agent Has Secretly Been Living In Their House’
A story popped up this week on Reddit’s Ask UK forum from a member of a house share in London. According to the tenant, their letting agent came by the home to do an inspection, so the tenant took off, leaving them to do their work. When they left, they assumed he would finish up his business and move on to something else, but apparently, that’s not what happened. The tenant later noticed a light was on in their spare room, and the front door was locked, so, lacking a key at the time, they asked their letting agent to take care of it for them.
Instead of texting that he would take care of it, he simply informed them that he was still in the house. “After we confronted him, he proceeded to lie and say ‘he’d informed us all that he was staying here for a few days.’ None of us had any clue! He said he’s planning on living here on a permanent basis and has signed a contract and paid deposit etc. Our landlords are our neighbors, and they said that’s not true.” The man had moved in his belongings and was squatting in the home, which led them to report a police non-emergency to get the authorities involved.[9]
2 ‘Poland Accidentally Invades Czech Republic In Minor Misunderstanding’
An incident that occurred in May, but is only making the rounds this week suggests the Polish military may need to update whichever version of Apple Maps they are using. According to the Czech Foreign Ministry, “Polish soldiers mistakenly deterred our citizens from entering a church on the Czech territory in close vicinity of the Czech-Polish borders.” The border crossing mistake took place near a small village known as Pelh?imovy. Instead of claiming the new territory as their own, they returned to their side of the border, leaving Czech nationals to, once again, visit Pelh?imovy without concern.
The incident didn’t make international headlines when it originally occurred due to the simple fact that it wasn’t that big a deal. Poland’s Ministry of Defense described the incident as a “misunderstanding” between the two nations, both of which are members of the European Union. Zuzana Štíchová of the Czech Foreign Ministry indicated that there were no hard feelings from the minor invasion, saying, “Our Polish counterparts unofficially assured us that this incident was merely a misunderstanding caused by the Polish military with no hostile intention.”[10]
1 ‘Man Fined €500 For ‘provocative’ Fart In Front Of Police Officers’
A man in Vienna, Austria, was suffering from some bad gas on June 5th, when some nearby police officers decided to check and see if he was feeling okay. Actually, that’s not what happened, and instead of a check on the man’s well being, the police officers issued a hefty fine equivalent to about $560 in U.S. dollars. Of course, the story isn’t as simple as that, and the fart in question was apparently something truly horrific to witness. The police officers ended up getting into an argument with the gentleman, as he was uncooperative and behaving provocatively with them before the breakage of wind.
According to the officer’s post on Twitter, the man was sitting on a nearby park bench before standing, looking directly at the officers, and letting go a “massive intestinal wind apparently with full intent. Of course, no one is reported for ‘accidentally letting one go.” The steep fine and story of the incident was shared online this week, leaving many with gastrointestinal issues worried, and thinking… ‘it could have been me.’ As of mid-June, there’s no word as to whether the man paid the fine, or contested it with the usual defense of, “the one who smelt it, dealt it.”[11]