Are you experiencing symptoms of imbalanced frequencies? Low cellular voltage? Psychic aberrations? Well, sit back and relax. There’s a wellness device just for you—even if you don’t feel diseased.

Warning: This list may contain misinformation, if the title wasn’t enough indication already.

10. Spooky2

Did you know that all medical conditions have specific electromagnetic frequencies? If you did, you’ve probably heard of the Rife machine. Invented in the 1920s, it delivers pulses of electromagnetism to cure almost any disease. Unfortunately for the inventor, and possibly for the world, mainstream science was hostile. The earnest engineer Royal Raymond Rife died penniless and embittered, and, in the years since, his already ruined legacy has been further sullied by snake oil salesmen and scandals.

More recently, however, especially during the feeding frenzy of COVID-19, Rife has made a big comeback. Marketed on Facebook as “the affordable Rife device for every home,” Spooky2 Scalar controversially promised to “protect you and your family from this terrible virus.” Supplied with a specific frequency for stopping the disease, as per Rife’s theories, the device came with additional assurance that “scalar energy provides optimal energetic support for the immune system.” The Federal Trade Commission disagreed and sent the company a warning. But don’t let that slow you down. The basic kit only costs $1,600 and comes in a reassuringly rugged briefcase with a cutesy smiling ghost logo.

9. Electropsychometer

Despite what Scientologists would have you believe, the E-meter wasn’t invented by L. Ron Hubbard. The Electropsychometer, as it was originally called, was invented by Volney Mathison, a chiropractor, for use in psychotherapy or analysis. This is ironic given Hubbard’s avowed antipathy to psychotherapists. But he had another use in mind: falsifying serious aberrations or criminality in a user with so-called “discreditable reads”. This is Scientology’s on-ramp.

The Church’s E-meters are assembled at Gold Base, California, a high-security compound under constant armed guard. Each unit usually costs $4,000, but you can pick up non-affiliated Electropsychometers or ex-Scientologist (FreeZone) E-meters for less. Just have a look on eBay.

They’re no more than crude lie detectors, polygraphs lite, galvanometers with tin can electrodes. Powered by leaky batteries, all they do is gauge your skin’s electrical resistance. Hubbard, however, believed (or pretended) the device could eliminate illness—for which the government sued him. Nowadays even the Church admits the device can do nothing by itself. But in the hands of an unscrupulous entrepreneur… Remember: you can’t help anyone until you get rich.

8. BioResonance Machine

Internal organs playing up? Don’t delay! Scan them for imbalanced frequencies and perform a non-linear statistical analysis today! All your organs, cells, and tissues emit electromagnetic waves, don’t you know, and their frequency changes in response to different stresses. In fact (or whatever), each disease has its own “signature resonance frequency”. So it’s possible to scan for pretty much anything without an invasive procedure. Simply attach the electrodes.

Developed (and presumably abandoned) by Russian scientists in the 1990s, this technology has now been perfected by the wizards at OBERON in Florida. Not only can the BioResonance Machine scan your organs for diseases; it can also heal them in no time—in the comfort of your home! It’s just a matter of altering your damaged cells’ frequencies via headphones.

There are no side effects, no chemicals, and no inconvenience, and it works best alongside good nutrition and other treatments… Yes, that’s consistent with placebo—but don’t be a sheep. Another bioresonance company, Rayonex Biomedical, actually has clinical proof of efficacy for cervical spine syndrome, or neck pain. Okay, so pain is easily treated by placebo, and yes, the study was conducted by Rayonex itself, and yes, they seem reluctant to carry out more trials given there’s no evidence—only anecdotes—for the other conditions listed. But did we mention it’s non-invasive?

7. Stimulations VII

Small cup size getting you down? Forget surgery. The Stimulations VII vacuum device can permanently, non-invasively, expand your lilliputian breast tissue. Just place the self-sealing dome over your bust and activate the pump for an enlargement of up to four cup sizes! It can even regrow breasts that were surgically removed by mastectomy. 

Well, that’s if you can find a Stimulations VII on the market. In the early 2000s, one ungrateful customer took the Iowa-based manufacturer, New Womyn, to court for refusing to refund her $2,000. She hadn’t read the small print. By “18-month money-back guarantee,” the company meant she had to use the device for 18 months before she was eligible for a refund. And she would only be eligible if, throughout that time, she’d visited a doctor once a month.

Fair enough. But she kicked up a stink all the same and poor Dan Kaiser, New Womyn’s CEO, was ordered to pay a $90,000 civil penalty.

6. BioPhotonic Scanner

If you’re the sort to wonder how many carotenoids you’ve got in your skin, this device is for you. If you don’t care, this device is also for you—because you should care, what’s the matter with you. Carotenoids are antioxidants that give orange, red, and yellow plants their color. They include beta-carotene, lutein, and lycopene, among others. And, according to experts, they may be one reason why eating fruits and vegetables lowers the risk of disease. What the BioPhotonic Scanner does is check that you’ve eaten enough (which, if you suffer from anterograde amnesia like in 50 First Dates and don’t like keeping a food diary, is no small thing).

Critics say it only measures carotenoids in the skin, and isn’t a reliable measure of your overall antioxidant status. But their only basis for saying so is the total lack of scientific evidence—which means their argument falls down as well. If there’s even a remote chance the BioPhotonic Scanner can measure your antioxidant health, can you really afford not to buy one? Just think of the money you could save at the greengrocer, knowing when to stop buying vegetables.

Plus, if your scan shows sub-optimal carotenoid levels, the same company that sold you the scanner will sell you antioxidant supplements. Beat that for convenience.

5. BioCharger

Sometimes all you need is some more “subtle energy”. Invented by Jim Girard, the BioCharger delivers pulsed harmonics, at a frequency of your choice, to weakly vibrating cells—re-energizing and revitalizing your natural magnetic energy, aligning your mind and body, and raising your cellular voltage. Sure, you can do the same by walking barefoot, releasing negative emotions, listening to pure sounds, and drinking alkaline water, but this is a lot more expensive.

According to the shut-ins at BioCharger, “over 90% of our day is spent indoors, blocked from nature’s vital energies.” They’re not suggesting you go outside; this machine is a high-tech alternative. Anyway, at $15,000, you’ll have to stay in to afford one. Don’t worry about the science; there are loads of testimonials. There’s also a 45-day guarantee, so there’s really nothing to lose besides the non-refundable $250 shipping fee.

With its plasma gas spectrum tubes and menacing red glow, the BioCharger certainly looks the part. Nobody has to know it doesn’t work. You could even make your money back by charging friends for treatment! That’s what Michael Nguyen does; the fecal transplant enthusiast is one of the BioCharger’s most high-profile advocates and even he admits it’s a glorified placebo about as effective as journaling. He still uses it, though, and so should you.

4. Electro Physiological Feedback Xrroid

In 2005, an Oklahoma woman suffering joint and leg pain wisely entrusted her health to the EPFX quantum biofeedback device. That her husband died using it for cancer didn’t matter; she believed it could nurse her back to health. The worst of her husband’s illness—the side effects of chemotherapy—she rightly blamed on the hospital. Neither does it matter that she died the same year.

EPFX salesmen have only good things to say. Even the developer himself, cross-dressing self-described genius William Nelson, who as a teenager helped NASA save Apollo 13, says it cures cancer and AIDS. Stinking rich from selling the things—17,000 of them at 20 grand a piece—he’s got a Budapest mansion with servants and a movie studio. When he’s not on tour giving pep talks to salesmen, he stars in his own movies about saving the world from the villainous FDA. He also has eight doctorates. But that’s all by the by.

EPFX treats the root cause of illness, not just the symptoms. It also has a display to watch healing occur in real time. Arterial cholesterol blockages, for example, appear as little white blobs that shrink and disappear during treatment. Similar to the BioResonance Machine, EPFX detects electrical imbalances (voltage, amperage, electron pressure, and so on) and immediately sets about correcting them.

3. Zapper

Finally, a wellness device that doesn’t bamboozle with a high-sounding sciencey name. Invented by Hulda Clark, doctor of physiology (okay, zoology), the Zapper kills parasites, bacteria, and viruses without harming bodily tissue. It does this by delivering low-voltage electrical zaps through the two supplied handheld electrodes. Not good enough? We can see you’re a sharp one. Why not ride business class with the Orgone Zapper model, which not only zaps but orgone-heals too. Just don’t use a Zapper if you’re wearing a pacemaker! Or pregnant, for that matter, as it can’t tell parasites from babies.

Even if you’re not suffering an infestation, the Zapper may still be for you. Some users report an aura-enhancing effect from just half an hour of use. Clark recommended only seven-minute sessions, but we use it for as long as we like. Just stop when you start seeing burn marks. And show no fear! Sweat can be a problem.

We know what you’re thinking. You can do all this yourself with a car battery, right? But Clark’s Zapper comes with positive offset square wave—and you don’t know what that is, do you?

2. Ozone generator

Hole in the ozone layer, bad. Therefore ozone, good. Therefore pumping the stuff right into your home, even better. It’s unimpeachable reasoning like this that brought us the ozone generator, improving the lives of thousands of investors and salesmen. There are always naysayers, of course: the Environmental Protection Agency, the American Lung Association, the Food and Drug Administration, and various so-called scientists, all of whom insist that ozone is harmful at high concentrations indoors. They’ll tell you it takes years for ozone to eliminate toxins, and that in doing it’ll release a lot more.

But forget about that and think about this: if it’s harmful to us, it’s harmful to parasites—bacteria, viruses, and other pathogens. So there’s really no surer way to banish stink and disease from your home. Besides, ozone is all-natural. Just plug the mechanical discharge unit into the mains and a high-voltage electrical field will do the rest, transforming all your smelly used oxygen into pure, clean ozone.

1. Hyper Dimensional Resonator

This one’s a little different. It’s a radionic time travel device that can help with astral projection by emitting unlimited white chi energy. Invented on a farm in Nebraska in 1981, it’s actually the souped-up version of an earlier prototype, the Sonic Resonator. The main improvement is a caduceus coil electromagnet. Operation is simple. Strap on the time-coil headband, spit in the witness well, add a quartz crystal, place the electromagnet between your legs, and turn the dials to the date you wish to visit. (Both go up to 10.) Then meditate while rubbing the rubbing plate. You should be transported—astrally, unless you happen to be sitting on a grid point or vortex, in which case physically—to your desired spacetime coordinates.

Users commonly find themselves aboard UFOs, in other countries, or in parallel dimensions and time lines. Some have returned with objects, only to see them disintegrate. Other times it’s more subtle. One user, after a seemingly unsuccessful session, woke up feeling strange like he was in the wrong place. His suspicions were confirmed when he opened the fridge and couldn’t find the cookie dough he left there. He called his wife at work and was astonished to hear there wasn’t any there in the first place. Another got to use it with the inventor himself, back in 1989: “When he turned it on, clouds formed in the room, and sparks danced around the chandelier.” At first it seemed like nothing had happened, but when she next sat down to watch her favorite movie, Shane, “dialogue she’d memorized was altered or spoken by different characters.” She said it scared her to death.

But don’t be put off; the Hyper Dimensional Resonator is a wellness device. Consistent use can nurture your spiritual growth. Just don’t get blood in the witness well; it’ll attract demons.

Wellness retreats are becoming increasingly popular among travelers of all ages. They offer a chance to disconnect from the stresses of daily life and focus on physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Here are ten of the best unconventional wellness retreats to consider for your next trip.

Related: 10 Ways Naturism Is a Healthy Lifestyle

10 Tea Huntress Ritual and Renewal Retreat, Iceland

Nestled amid Iceland’s ethereal landscapes, the Tea Huntress Ritual and Renewal Retreat stands out as an enchanting haven for seekers of unconventional wellness experiences. This retreat harmoniously blends the tranquility of tea ceremonies with the thrill of adventure, promising an unforgettable journey for the adventurous soul.

Guided by the indomitable spirit of a ‘Tea Huntress,’ this retreat takes participants on a transformative expedition. Picture starting your day with a mindful hike through Iceland’s breathtaking terrains, a dynamic encounter with nature that invigorates the body and soul. From cascading waterfalls to geothermal springs, the mesmerizing landscapes become the backdrop for holistic exploration.

The heart of the retreat lies in the art of tea ceremonies, led by experienced tea artisans. Participants are initiated into the profound world of tea, where each cup becomes a meditation, a moment of introspection and connection. The ancient rituals of tea preparation and consumption are seamlessly woven into the fabric of the retreat, offering a unique lens through which to perceive the world.

9 Post Ranch Inn, Big Sur, California

Atop the rugged cliffs of Big Sur, California, the Post Ranch Inn stands as a testament to unconventional luxury and holistic well-being. This iconic wellness retreat caters to the adventurous soul seeking respite in nature’s embrace. With breathtaking views of the Pacific Ocean stretching endlessly before it, the inn offers an experience that seamlessly blends tranquility, adventure, and rejuvenation.

Post Ranch Inn is renowned for its unique approach to wellness, which revolves around the harmony between nature, body, and mind. Guests are invited to immerse themselves in the natural wonders of Big Sur through an array of adventurous activities. From guided hikes through ancient redwood groves and yoga sessions overlooking the ocean’s expanse to stargazing sessions that awaken a sense of cosmic connection, the inn’s offerings speak to the daring spirit within.

Accommodations at the Post Ranch Inn are equally exceptional, with luxurious treehouses and cliffside suites that merge seamlessly with the landscape. Floor-to-ceiling windows provide uninterrupted views, blurring the lines between indoor comfort and outdoor majesty. Organic architecture and sustainable practices further underscore the retreat’s commitment to holistic well-being.

8 The Ranch, Malibu, California

Amid the picturesque expanse of Malibu, California, The Ranch stands as an unconventional yet transformative wellness retreat beckoning the adventurous soul. This unique haven shatters the conventional spa retreat mold, offering a distinctive approach to rejuvenation and self-discovery.

At The Ranch, the wellness journey transcends mere relaxation, immersing participants in a holistic experience that melds physical endurance, mindful nourishment, and a soulful connection with nature. Unlike traditional retreats, The Ranch shuns lavish amenities, favoring a back-to-basics ethos. Guests embark on an immersive week-long program that centers around rigorous daily hikes through Malibu’s rugged terrain, fostering resilience and mental fortitude. These journeys test physical limits and serve as a symbolic voyage toward personal growth.

Culinary offerings at The Ranch are equally extraordinary, comprising locally sourced, plant-based meals that nourish the body and mind. By embracing conscious eating, participants forge a deeper connection with their nutrition, aligning with the retreat’s overarching principles of wellness.

7 Aqua Wellness Resort, Nicaragua

Within the lush embrace of Nicaragua’s vibrant landscapes, Aqua Wellness Resort embodies serenity for adventurous souls seeking unconventional wellness retreats. This hidden gem offers an unparalleled fusion of nature and rejuvenation, catering to those who crave tranquility without sacrificing adventure.

Perched on a hillside overlooking Redonda Bay and the Pacific Ocean, Aqua Wellness Resort blends eco-luxury with a strong commitment to sustainability. The resort’s unique accommodation choices, from treetop villas within the canopy to beachfront casitas, provide an authentic connection to the surrounding environment.

The resort’s emphasis on adventure differentiates it from typical wellness retreats. Guests can snorkel in the bay’s crystalline waters, explore nearby fishing villages, or embark on adrenaline-pumping canopy tours. This juxtaposition of wellness and excitement makes Aqua a haven for those seeking an off-the-beaten-path getaway.

6 The Farm at San Benito, Philippines

In the lush heartland of the Philippines, The Farm at San Benito stands as a sanctuary for those seeking an unconventional yet deeply rejuvenating wellness retreat. Set against a backdrop of tropical rainforests and majestic mountains, this retreat offers a holistic escape for the adventurous soul.

Unlike traditional wellness centers, The Farm embraces a distinctive approach by integrating nature’s bounty with holistic healing practices. Guests are greeted with an immersive experience that combines luxurious accommodation with organic gardens, ensuring a sustainable and harmonious environment. The retreat’s ethos revolves around nourishing the body and spirit, offering various programs encompassing detoxification, stress reduction, and spiritual growth.

The Farm engages the adventurous soul with its surroundings. Guided hikes through lush trails and revitalizing dips in nearby waterfalls are just a taste of the exhilarating escapades. Guests can also participate in yoga and meditation sessions amid the verdant landscapes, allowing for a deep connection with nature’s serenity.

5 The Ashram, California

The Ashram is in the heart of California’s serene landscape, a haven for adventurous souls seeking unconventional wellness retreats. Far from the bustling cityscape, this retreat offers a unique blend of tranquility and challenge, making it a perfect destination for those yearning for holistic rejuvenation.

The Ashram stands out by embracing a philosophy of holistic well-being through rigorous physical activities and mindful practices. Unlike traditional spas, this retreat engages its visitors in demanding hikes, yoga, and meditation sessions, all set against the backdrop of the stunning Californian wilderness. Guests are encouraged to step out of their comfort zones and embrace physical challenges, fostering personal growth and mental resilience.

What truly distinguishes The Ashram is its focus on communal living. Participants come together in rustic yet comfortable accommodations, encouraging the forging of deep connections. This communal spirit extends to the dining experience, with organic, locally sourced vegetarian meals served family-style. The shared journey toward self-improvement and adventure creates bonds that often outlast the retreat.

While unconventional, The Ashram offers a well-rounded approach to wellness. Rigorous outdoor activities are balanced with mindful practices, including meditation, breathing exercises, and yoga. The aim is to cultivate not only physical endurance but also inner harmony. Instructors, often experts in their respective fields, guide participants through the process, ensuring safety and holistic growth.

4 The BodyHoliday, St. Lucia

Within the lush embrace of the Caribbean paradise, The BodyHoliday in St. Lucia beckons to intrepid souls seeking a wellness retreat that transcends the ordinary. Far from the conventional spa getaway, this haven of rejuvenation offers a stimulating blend of adventure and relaxation.

It’s the unconventional offerings that truly set this retreat apart. A palette of activities awaits, from scuba diving to zip-lining through the rainforest. For the adventurous spirit, each day is a canvas to paint the hues of discovery. Explore the vibrant marine life beneath the waves, embark on a mountain trek that rewards with breathtaking vistas, or even engage in a friendly game of beach volleyball to ignite your competitive spark.

As the sun dips below the horizon, the retreat transitions seamlessly into a sanctuary of relaxation. Indulge in holistic spa treatments that meld ancient wisdom with modern techniques. The wellness journey culminates in delectable culinary experiences where locally sourced ingredients nourish body and soul.

The BodyHoliday is a testament to the fact that wellness is not confined to tranquil solitude; it can be found in the heart-pounding thrill of adventure. This unconventional retreat speaks to the daring souls who seek to reinvigorate their senses, revitalize their bodies, and reignite their passion for life amidst the breathtaking backdrop of St. Lucia’s natural beauty.

3 Shambala Private Game Reserve, South Africa

Welcome to the untamed heart of South Africa; the Shambala Private Game Reserve stands as a haven for the daring spirit seeking an unconventional wellness retreat. This sanctuary, far removed from the frenetic pace of modern life, offers a profound reconnection with nature and oneself.

Spread across 25,000 acres of pristine wilderness, Shambala embraces a holistic approach to well-being, combining the thrill of a safari adventure with the tranquility of a wellness escape. Set against the backdrop of the Waterberg Mountains, the reserve’s diverse landscapes, from lush grasslands to meandering rivers, create an ideal canvas for rejuvenation.

Visitors embark on a journey of self-discovery, surrounded by the enchanting African flora and fauna. Morning game drives allow one to witness the Big Five and other exotic wildlife, fostering a deep connection with the natural world. In the afternoons, guided meditation sessions on serene riverbanks allow for introspection and mindfulness, while yoga classes atop vast plateaus evoke a sense of oneness with the universe.

Shambala’s eco-friendly lodges blend luxury with environmental consciousness, providing an eco-luxe haven after a day of exploration. Nutrient-rich farm-to-table cuisine nourishes the body, while the reserve’s spa indulges the senses with indigenous treatments that draw from the region’s healing traditions.

2 The Body Camp, Ibiza

Now off to the sun-kissed landscapes of Ibiza, where the Body Camp stands as a beacon for those seeking a wellness retreat that veers off the beaten path. Far from the clichéd spa resorts, this unconventional haven offers a transformative experience for the adventurous soul.

The Body Camp transcends the typical wellness retreat by blending fitness, nutrition, and mindfulness with the vibrant spirit of Ibiza. Set against stunning Mediterranean views, the camp’s daily schedule is an eclectic mix of invigorating workouts, thought-provoking workshops, and serene meditation sessions. Unlike conventional programs, the Body Camp dares its participants to step beyond their comfort zones, promoting personal growth through challenges like coastal hikes, beach boot camps, and even dance therapy.

Beyond physical fitness, the Body Camp prioritizes mental and emotional well-being through tailored coaching and counseling. Expert trainers, nutritionists, and life coaches converge to guide guests on a journey of self-discovery, fostering lasting habits for a healthier lifestyle.

The camp’s farm-to-table cuisine further underscores its commitment to well-being. Participants engage in cooking classes and learn to create delicious, nutrition-packed meals using locally sourced ingredients. This culinary adventure complements the physical activities, cultivating a deeper connection between body and nourishment.

1 Cove Eco Resort, Indonesia

Indonesia’s pristine natural beauty is home to Cove Eco Resort, a beacon of tranquility and adventure for the daring wellness enthusiast. Tucked away from the well-trodden path, this resort redefines the conventional wellness retreat, catering to the brave souls seeking rejuvenation through uncharted experiences.

Perched along the untouched coastline of a remote Indonesian island, Cove beckons those with a penchant for exploration. A limited number of elegantly designed eco-villas are seamlessly integrated into the landscape, offering breathtaking views of the cerulean waters and lush forests. The resort’s commitment to sustainability is palpable; solar panels power the accommodations, and organic, locally sourced ingredients grace the plates of its exquisite restaurant.

Beyond traditional spa treatments, guests embark on journeys that harmonize body and spirit. Imagine sunrise kayaking through hidden sea caves, guided meditation amidst the rustling leaves of ancient jungles, and mindfulness workshops conducted atop swaying tree canopies. The Cove seamlessly marries adventure and self-care, encouraging guests to break free from their comfort zones while nurturing their well-being.