For the thousands of songs the world hears, millions go unlisted. Musicians can often save time from songwriting to shift through the cultural detritus of unknown records. Be it sampling or covers, that process created the following 10 iconic songs. Though lesser known, the original versions have their own fascinating, and frequently, weirder histories.

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10 The Tetris Theme

Tetris is a bunch of squares falling in a line. It is the most straightforward video game of all time. There is no room for anything scandalous. Yet, “A Theme,” the 80’s arcade earworm is a classic example of Russian nihilism.

Long before the Game Boy, the maddening theme song originated in an 1861 poem by Nikolay Nekrasov. “Korobeiniki,” titled after the Russian word for “peddler”, builds momentum until it crescendos to a tragic loss. The toetapper’s basic outline is two Russian merchants fall in love while selling their wares. They consummate their new relationship with a one-night stand. The man, now self-assured that he found the right suiter, plans to propose to the woman. While returning to his new future, he encounters a thief who robs and kills him. Game Over.^[1]

9 “Turkey in the Straw”

Few people realize how many times they have heard the traditional British song “The Old Rose Tree.” The omnipresent song serves as the central melody for nursey rhymes, “Do Your Ears Hang Low” and “Turkey in the Straw.” Hank Williams bemoaned his doomed relationship in “Why Don’t You Love Me” over a sample of the English staple. Rapper Jibbs even charted in the Top 10 when he interpolated it on 2006’s “Chain Hang Low”. For children everywhere, the instrumental loop announces incoming ice cream trucks. The only version you don’t hear is the one that started it all. There is a good reason for that.

In the late 1820s, the “Zip Coon” was one of the most notorious individuals in minstrel shows. A cosmopolitan counterpart to the infamous caricature Jim Crow, the blackface character mocked free black man with exaggerated verbiage and gawdy outfits. In 1834, the derogatory representation was immortalized in the song “Old Zip Coon.” Decades later, “Turkey in the Straw” removed the offensive text for a more digestible tale of whacky poultry. That version is responsible for the limitless proliferation in popular consciousness.^[2]

8 The James Bond Theme

An agent’s silhouette slithers into a gun barrel. He quick draws one shot causing a red filter to drip like blood. Bombastic horns blare out, cuing the introduction of the world’s greatest spy. The iconic opening montage of Dr. No and subsequent James Bond films would not work if the background track was not as suave and seductive as its protagonist. The original song carried a license to kill, but in a far less sexy way.

The theme music was initially used for a musical adaptation of VS Naipaul’s novel A House For Mr. Biswas. One of the songs Monty Norman composed, “Bad Sign, Good Sign” details Mr. Biswas plight. Because he was bound to the story’s plot, the original lyrics were:

I was born with this unlucky sneeze
And what is worse I came into the world the wrong way round
Pundits all agree I am the reason why
My father fell into the village pond and drowned.

When the play failed, Norman stored the song for later use. Film scorer John Barry suggested Norman give his piece a jazzy arrangement and drop the lines about fatal boogers.^[3]

7 “Whatta Man”

Salt-N-Pepa were brazen showstoppers never afraid of inviting controversy with shocking lyrics. “Whatta Man’s” buoyant display of lasciviousness is no exception. However, the raucous rager also serves as a subtle political salute to a forgotten trailblazer that was even more transgressive.

After opening for powerhouses like James Brown and Ike &Tina Turner, Linda Lyndell seemed destined to be the next big act on the soul circuit. Otis Redding, moved by her full-throated range, encouraged her to sign with Stax Records. She recorded two singles in 1968, “Bring Your Love Back to Me” and, the eventually sampled, “What a Man.”

Her promising career came crashing down after mighty, mighty bad men in the Ku Klux Klan led boycotts to stop her sales. The important thing to note was the Linda Lyndell was Caucasian. Hatemongers did not approve of her consorting with majority black audiences. Black crowds had their own reservations over a white woman co-opting black sound. Forced into retirement after her lone record pressing, Lyndell languished in obscurity for 30 years. Once Salt-N-Pepa and En Vogue revitalized her catalog, the city of Memphis invited Lyndell to give her first concert in decades.^[4]

6 “It’s All in the Game”

Only two noble prize recipients have writing credit on a number one hit. As one of the greatest songwriters in American history, Bob Dylan is an obvious candidate. The other, Charles Dawes, is more inexplicable.

A self-taught composer, Dawes possessed many talents. In 1912, Dawes sketched out a piano composition called Melody in A Major. In 1951, Carl Sigman added lyrics to the piece turning it into “It’s All in the Game.” R&B crooner Tommy Edwards’ 1958 version sat at number one for six weeks. Between Melody in A Major’s inception and Edward’s performance, the world drastically changed. A great deal of that can be linked to Charles Dawes.

Dawes rose to political prominence following his service in World War I. Rising in ranks to brigadier general, his tenure at the United States War Department drew the attention of Republican politicians. In 1924, Calvin Coolidge nominated Dawes to serve as his Vice President. A year later, Dawes won the Noble Peace Prize for his economic program, the Dawes Plan. At the time, the Dawes plan was reluctantly adopted to relieve Germany’s post-war debts. Its legacy has only grown more controversial. The Dawes Plan stabilized Germany’s economy by injecting loans dependent on American banks. When the world economy crashed during the Great Depression, the investments were so entangled with foreign governments that Germany could not recover. The resulting political instability collapsed the Weimar Republic. The Macarena may be annoying, but at least its authors did not help Adolf Hitler rise to power.^[5]

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5 “I Want Candy”

The Strangeloves had hits before they existed. In 1963, producers Bob Feldman, Jerry Goldstein, and Richard Gottehrer lucked into penning a number one song when The Angel’s recorded “My Boyfriend’s Back.” To continue their success, they created an alter ego group, the Strangeloves.

In the early days of the British Invasion, Feldman noticed audiences clamored for foreign bands. He figured the more foreign, the more popular. Convincing his fellow producers to don faux zebra fur and African spears, the newly formed group adopted the fictional persona of a family of experimental Australian sheep farmers financing their musical aspirations by inventing a new breed, the long-haired “Gottehrer.” The absurd backstory did not exactly move albums, but it allowed them to write the garage rock stomper, “I Want Candy.”

Both the Strangeloves and “I Want Candy” have had quite the after-life. Though the band flamed out rather quickly, all members left for continued music careers. As one of the cofounders of Sire Records, Richard Gottehrer played a key role launching influential acts like Blondie, Madonna, The Ramones, Talking Heads, and The Go-Go’s. Appropriately, the New Wave sound Gottehrer shepherded into the mainstream ensured The Strangloves’ legacy. Bow Wow Wow’s incandescent version remains a perennial Halloween playlist favorite. Thankfully, Aaron Carter’s version is never heard outside of Lizzie McGuire reruns.^[6]

4 “Get Together”

It is no surprise that the guy who wrote “The National Hippie Anthem” smoked pot. Chet Powers, a burly carnival employee, did not intend to distill his age’s zeitgeist. He just wanted to get laid. A year before she became Andy Warhol’s bohemian muse, Edie Sedgwick had a short-lived fling with Powers. He transported his fleeting courtship into a universal expression of love.

His carnie background led to a series of petty crimes culminating in a two-year stint in Folsom Prison for marijuana possession. To raise money for his legal fees, Powers sold record manager Frank Werber the publishing rights to “Let’s Get Together.” Powers lost out on millions of potential royalties.

After shortening the name, Werber gave the song to folk outfit Kingston Trio to middling success. Desperate to follow up their surprise hit, “You Were on My Mind,” Werber tried again with another act he signed, We Five. Signe Toly Anderson, inspired by the We Five, convinced her band, Jefferson Airplane, to record a cover for their 1966 debut album. That was how Jesse Colin Young eventually discovered the song. Along with his band the Youngbloods, he released the drippy call for peace in 1967. The song is so sixties that it initially only hit #62. If you’ve heard the song they sing, it was because the National Conference of Christians and Jews used the song for a public service announcement for unity in 1969. The spot revitalized interest in the Youngblood’s version. The song recharted into the top 10 and became the go to needle drop for the Summer of Love’s idealism.^[7]

3 “Down Under”

The Wiggles are probably the band least expected to be indirectly responsible for killing two people. As the celebrity guests on the quiz show Spick and Specks, host Adam Hill posed a question perfect for children entertainers, “What children’s song is contained in the song ‘Down Under’?” Despite being right in their wheelhouse, the group failed to come up with the correct answer, “Kookaburra.” What should have been, at most, a missed round of trivia spiraled into a strangely dark saga.

One of the people watching that night was the managing director of Larrikin Music, Norman Lurie. In 1990, he bought the rights to the folk song for $6,100. Written by humble school teacher Marion Sinclair, “Kookaburra” was conceived in a Church choir as a way to raise funds for a girls’ jamboree. Ignoring the wholesome origin, Lurie demanded Men At Work pay him millions in royalties.

Released in 1981, “Down Under” was an international smash, topping charts in multiple countries. After a contentious legal battle, the judge eventually ruled the plagiarized flute solo warranted a $100,000 penalty. Frontman Colin Hay insists the stress of the case contributed to his father’s death. Tragically, the flautist Greg Ham slipped into a cycle of depression and heroin after blaming himself for the whole debacle. At 58, Ham died from either a heart attack or possible overdose.^[8]

2 “The Star-Spangled Banner”

All rise for the national anthem. Now, shake it down for the national anthem. The patriotic salute to America’s perseverance in the War of 1812 has become a political flashpoint in recent years. Commentators demand the piece be respected. However, the songs inception was far from solemn. It was the favorite of a bunch of bawdy drunks.

The biggest betrayal is that the song is not even American. The Anacreontic Society was a rowdy gentleman’s club that convened in London taverns in the late 18th century. The term is derived from the Greek poet Anacreon. To celebrate their namesake, the group composed the drinking song “To Anacreon in Heaven.” With lines like “and besides I’ll instruct you, like me, to intwine the Myrtle of Venus with Bacchus’ Vine,” the singalong was a call for unchecked debauchery of sex and booze. American colonist accompanied many pints of ale with their own renditions. The tune was on Francis Scott Key’s mind when he watched the rockets’ red glare at Fort McHenry.^[9]

1 “The Best I Ever Had”

As of this writing, Drake has lodged more songs in the Top 10 than any other artist in Billboard Hot 100 history. The first song in that imperial reign was “The Best I Ever Had.” The central motif in Drake’s breakout swells courtesy of the string arrangement of Hamilton, Joe Frank and Reynolds’ “Fallin’ in Love.” It took such a circuitous route for the cheesy 70’s soft rockers to record their fluke chart-topper that by the time they did, their ungainly name no longer made sense.

In 1959, Sascha Burland scored an improbable top 40 hit with The Nutty Squirrel’s “Uh-Oh.” Shockingly, Burland could not pay the bill by pretending to be a jazz scatting rodent. He moonlit writing advertising jingles. Digestive aid company Alka-Seltzer asked Burland to compose a musical accompaniment for their commercial showcasing various torsos. The backing track was so popular that he released it as the standalone single, “No Matter What Shape (Your Stomach Is In)”. Session musicians were recruited to play under the impromptu name The T-Bones. Blindsided by the instrumentals runaway top 10 success, a band of low tier Liberty Records signees were commissioned to turn the T-Bones into a real band. This sham arrangement was made up of Dan Hamilton, Joe Frank Carollo, and Tommy Reynolds.

Hugh Heffner signed the act to the short-lived Playboy label. The American public was apparently reluctant to buy music from a pornography distributor, because the enterprise folded after only releasing a handful of songs. After Tommy Reynolds renounced his hedonistic lifestyle to become a preacher, the group replaced him with Alan Dennison. It was that configuration of recruits from singing rodent turn gas relief pitchman and a porno mag entrepreneur that helped launch the most popular musician of the 21st century.^[10]

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Is there anything more nauseating than seeing a normal, everyday object re-made with added diamonds and covered in gold, quadrupling the value without adding any practical value? Ok, maybe a lot of things are more nauseating, but you have to admit it’s pretty gross.

If this list proves one thing above all else, it’s that there’s no amount of money that can but good taste. But $2.2 million will buy you a dildo.

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10 Can’t Talk, I’m Rich – iPhone

“What? You’ve still got your old iPhone 6? Jeez, get an upgrade” is not what you’d hear if you had this ridiculously expensive phone. If owning an Apple product wasn’t enough of a prime example of crass consumerist peacockery already, why not get one slathered in 24-carat gold, a platinum handset and a gigantic pink diamond plonked on the back? Oh right, the price tag.

Falcon, purveyors of luxury crap, released the SuperNova iPhone Pink Diamond and sold a grand total of 2 units (that the author is aware of – one was sold to the wife of India’s richest man and another to co-owner of cricket team the Mumbai Indians, Nita Ambani).

Just two units sold? That’s a pretty poor sales team – until you realise that this netted Falcon a cool $97 million. Add to this the fact that they probably sold more than two in reality (most buyers would probably want to keep the fact they own a $43.5 million near-obsolete phone on the down low), this is a great example of an overly-blinged item that’ll soon be as useful as a mink fur-covered minidisc player.^[1]

9 Super Posh For Battle – Armour

What do you get for the guy who has everything? How about some pangolin scale armour that has been lacquered then gilded? That’ll probably suffice.

This amazing (if totally impractical) feat of crafting was presented to King Edward VII of England during his tour of India by the Maharaja of Datia. Replete with gold, precious turquoise and gilt copper sections and ornately carved horny scales, this coat is one of the least usable defensive garments one could imagine (short of a black powder hat in a flamethrower fight) – it’s simply too beautiful.

Scale and lamellar armour have been employed by many cultures over the millennia – from the Scythians to the Japanese – the overlapping scales that mimic animals like reptiles and fish were an effective choice before metallurgical technology advanced enough and firearms gained greater prominence, making all armour save steel plate all but obsolete.

This coat of plates didn’t simply mimic animal scales, they were actual animal scales – one well-aimed crossbow bolt and old King Eddie would be toast. Given that this was 1876 and not 876, he wouldn’t so much as watch a battlefield from a great distance, let alone fight on one. Still, it’s very pretty, isn’t it?^[2]

8 Fit For A Queen Bitch – Dog Collar

This collar has 52 carats of diamonds – most dogs would probably be happier with 52 carrots. Made by I love Dogs Diamonds, the necklace (I refuse to keep referring to this as a ‘collar’, given that there is seemingly no place to engrave your furry friend’s name and address) costs an eye watering $3.5 million.

The only way to justify this would be to hand this out as the main award for 2021s ‘World’s Ugliest Dog’ champion. Given that this year’s competition was cancelled, it’s the least they can do.^[3]

7 Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend… For Real This Time – Dildo

There are many ways a person can have fun on their own. Adding diamonds onto stuff instantly makes it a luxury item. So how can someone have fun by themselves with a luxury item? Correct, a diamond encrusted dildo. This regal-looking sex toy took 15 years for Australian jewellery designer Colin Burns to piece together. He is quoted as promising a “Million Dollar orgasm” to the lucky lady who gets to use it – costing nearly 3 million Aussie dollars, you’d hope for at least 2. If the multitude of diamonds and sapphires that adorn the outside weren’t fancy enough, the dildo also comes with an in-built pearl necklace. Ahem.

Great care should be taken when operating this shiny lady pleaser – diamonds are beautiful, but also the hardest natural material. One spasm-induced slip and, well, there’s no need to draw a picture here.^[4]

6 ‘There’s No Place Like My Mansion, There’s No Place Like My Mansion’ – Slippers

Many people take great pleasure in popping on some snugly slippers to chillax and veg out after a long day at work. With these gaudy attempts at movie nostalgia, we can assume that the wearer would be walking on eggshells rather than basking in comfort.

Inspired by the 50th anniversary of the iconic ‘Wizard of Oz’ movie in 1989, jeweller Harry Wilson decided to recreate the iconic ruby slippers. Instead of dainty little red sequins, Wilson added dainty little rubies – 4,600 of them. The total carat value of the shoes comes in at a whopping 1,350 in rubies and 50 carats of diamonds for good measure.

Cost of the original props from the movie at auction – $612,000
Cost of these 1980’s shiny repros – $3 million

Provenance be damned, bling is king.^[5]

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5 Always Look Good – Corpses

Whenever you get a cold sore or a bad case of dermatitis, it’s a struggle to go out in public. Indeed, many people will feign illness or a prior engagement to avoid leaving the home if they get a pimple on their nose! Imagine being seen with your skin, fat and bodily fluids putrefying and oozing all over the place. Mortified!

Well, these early Christian saints knew how to combat this affront to good grooming. In 1578, priests in Rome discovered a whole bunch of skeletons in some forgotten catacombs under the city. Due to the destruction of relics all over Europe during the protestant reformation, these skeletons, believed to be martyred Christians, were dressed up in bright, bejewelled garb and distributed to ravaged churches all over the continent.

These skeletons prove that bling is eternal, holy even. So you’d better go buy a diamond grill that reads ‘CLA$$Y’ and four Rolexes (one for each limb) so you can be buried with them and you’ll then end up in Heaven.^[6]

4 Stop You From Getting Sick Whilst Making You Feel A Bit Sick – Face Mask

Nothing screams late-stage capitalism like facing a world-wide pandemic wearing a diamond studded face mask.. that’s not saying capitalism is coming to an end per se, but according to this guy I know, some disease is apparently on its way to ending the world (I don’t read the news, but he seems legit. I saw him read a book once)… so yes, capitalism will end, along with everything else apparently. Except Twinkies.

If you want to face down the all-consuming miasma and still look catwalk ready, why not get yourself a diamond studded face mask? According to data from the CDC, the WHO and the Kim Jong-Un Polytechnic University, however, the wearing of a $1.5 diamond-studded face mask is only effective at keeping you and others safe if everyone around you is also wearing a $1.5 diamond-studded face mask.^[7]

3 Down And Out And Back In Again. Then Out Again. Then Back. – Council Flat

Once found on an abandoned housing estate in Southwark, London (near Elephant and Castle), this glittering art installation that looked like a colonic performed by Dr. Swarovski used to be a humble council flat, one of many on the estate. Artist Roger Hiorns got his hands on the place, he pumped it full of 75,000 litres of copper sulphate solution.
On top of probably killing every single rat, woodlouse and cockroach that had made the abandoned flat their home, the result was that the whole space was turned into exactly what it must have looked like inside Elizabeth Taylor’s mind. The work is called ‘Seizure’. Quite.

The estate has since been demolished and this magical work of art gone forever. Not the gaudy crystal-lined interior. No, that monstrosity was saved by the Arts Council Collection and is now on display at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park. I meant the gorgeous housing estate with all its beautifully drab, bleak beiges, browns and greys – alas – gone forever. That was the real hidden gem.^[8]

2 Shots! Shots, shots, shots! – Fancy Tequila In An Even Fancier Bottle

I think most of us need a stiff drink given how nuts 2020 has been. A quick nip of tequila before turning the news on has probably become a daily ritual for many folks across the globe. But instead of pouring yourself 3 fingers worth of Mexican gut-rot into the swilled-out measuring cap of a bottle of fabric softener, why not simply buy a bottle of Pasion Azteca by Tequila Ley?

For $3.5 million – that’s enough to buy a dog collar!

The bottle is made from platinum and white gold, covered in 6,400 diamonds. The tequila housed within the bottle is blend of 100% agave, 42% proof, 3, 6 and 9 year old tequilas from the Los Altos de Jalisco plantations – the world’s premiere location for Tequila making.

Alternatively, you could always get some potatoes and let them rot in a disused bathtub for a while before skimming off the liquids and sipping it through a Nesquik straw. Both tipples will have pretty much the same effect on you. One probably tastes a bit nicer, though. The other may turn you blind.^[9]

1 Bling Your Eyes – Contact Lenses

OK, these absolutely pointless accoutrements scream late-stage capitalism more than the diamond face mask. They serve no function other than to get people to go ‘wow, look at your eyes. Sparkly!’ Only for you to answer ‘Yes. They cost $15,000’. You may as well staple a wad of Benjamins to your forehead (CashHats, hands off Kanye).

There is not a huge amount one can say about these sparkly contact lenses, save that they’re expensive and look a bit weird when worn. Perhaps that makes this entry the most apt on his list. Gaudy, blingy and oh so needlessly fancyfied. Congratulations.^[10]

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Humans have been mucking about inventing things for thousands of years, and many of the items we take for granted today were actually invented long ago. That includes shoes, musical instruments, money, and plenty more.

Looking back over the millennia, it’s interesting to see when things pop up in the archaeological record. Odds are, many of these items you’re familiar with were created much further back in history than you previously thought.

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10 The Oldest Known Coin

The oldest coin known to exist is the Lydian stater, which is comprised of a mix of gold and silver called electrum. The coin was minted around 600 BC in the kingdom of Lydia in what is now modern Turkey.

The coin was discovered in Ephesus, an ancient Hellenic city that operated as a prosperous trading center on the coast of Asia Minor in what is now the Turkish city of Selçuk. Electrum is a naturally-occurring alloy that was used to hand strike the coin. The front features a lion’s head while the reverse has the punch mark where the hammer struck the blank piece of metal.^[1]

While the Lydian sater is the oldest known coin, it doesn’t come from the oldest monetary system. The first recorded use of money can be traced to the Mesopotamian civilization, which used a shekel, first recorded in 3000 BC. Instead of a coin, a shekel was first a weight measurement. However, it would eventually evolve into silver weights and coins over time.

Before the advent of the shekel, various cultures used commodity money, which is an object that has been ascribed a value for use in trade. Ancient cultures often used various shells, including cowry shells, in places like India.^[2]

9 The Oldest Shoe Ever Found

Humans have been protecting their feet for thousands of years, but very little that was used by early humans to do so has survived to the present day. Still, there are records of people wearing footwear, and the oldest shoes ever found were located in a cave in the Vayoys Dzor province of Armenia. The so-called “Areni-1 shoe” is a 5,500-year-old leather shoe first discovered in 2008, and it is in considerably good condition.

Unfortunately, the shoe’s mate wasn’t found, but the discovered one is in excellent condition, considering its age. The shoe was located under a thick layer of sheep dung, which worked with the cave’s cool, dry conditions to preserve it. Along with the shoe, containers were found with preserved wheat, apricots, and barley.

Grass was found inside the shoe, which may have been used as a form of insulation, though it may have been used to maintain the shoe’s shape while it wasn’t worn.

The Areni-1 shoe is a one-piece leather shoe with laces, which is believed to have been a common type of footwear worn at the time. It is similar to the Opanci, a traditional Balkan shoe still worn today.^[3]

8 The Oldest Known Recipe For A Drink (Yes, It’s Beer)

Historians and archaeologists are aware that beer was first invented as far back as 10,000 BC in ancient Mesopotamia after finding remnants on pottery from that time. Beer arose around the same time as cereal agriculture became widespread, though no recipes from that period have been found.

The oldest recorded mention of beer comes from the epic of Gilgamesh,^[4] which dates as far back as sometime between 3500 and 2500 BC. The Sumerians were known to have concocted eight recipes for beer made from barley, and an equal amount brewed from wheat.

A recipe for beer has been found from 1800 BC in the Hymn to Ninkasi, the ancient Sumerian tutelary goddess of beer (and alcohol). It is believed that the hymn was sung while the beer was being brewed, and it was then taught from master brewers to their apprentices.^[5]

While modern beer is brewed with greater technological ease, the recipes haven’t changed much since they were first written down. Today, beer is consumed primarily as a recreational drink, but in ancient times, it was used as a source of calories, hydration, and religious festivals and celebrations, so… not much has changed.

7 The Oldest Recipe For Food

While a recipe for beer has been found from some 3,800 years ago, it’s not the oldest known recipe to exist. That honor goes to a recipe for nettle pudding, dating back much further to around 6,000 BC.

What’s fascinating about the recipe is that all the necessary ingredients are still commonly available, so anyone can make the world’s oldest dish. The recipe was uncovered by a research team working for the University of Wales Institute in Cardiff through an analysis of archaeological evidence, medieval records, and social history texts.^[6]

Here’s all you will need to recreate the recipe:

one bunch of sorrel
one bunch of watercress
one bunch of dandelion leaves
two bunches of young nettle leaves
one bunch of chives
one cup of barley flour
one teaspoon of salt
While you may not have a lot of that in your cupboard, odds are, you can find some of it growing outside.

The pudding is made by combining the ingredients in the proper order before securing them in linen or muslin cloth with a long string. Once it’s boiled for at least two hours, usually with a joint of boar or venison, it can be removed from the cloth, cut into slices, and eaten with barley bread.^[7]

6 Oldest Musical Instrument

Music has long been an aspect of every human culture on Earth, but it’s likely most people aren’t aware of how long people have been enjoying it. As far as we are able to tell, people have been creating music for at least 42,000 years.

We know this because of a find in a cave in Germany that was once occupied by a group of modern humans. Multiple flutes were found in the cave, one of which was made from a bird bone while the other was created using mammoth ivory.

The flutes were found in Geissenkloesterle Cave in Germany’s Swabian Jura, which was previously theorized to be a part of “a key corridor for the movement of humans and technological innovations into central Europe between 40,000 [and] 45,000 years ago.”^[8]

The previous record for the oldest musical instrument was found by the same researchers in the Hohle Fels cavern in southern Germany. Professor Nick Conard of the Tuebingen University found a 35,000-year-old flute measuring 7.8 in (20 cm), and was carved from a vulture’s wing bone.^[9]

10 Of The Oldest Artifacts In The World

5 The Oldest Prosthetic Device

Humans have been losing limbs since the beginning of the species. Over time, various methods were created to mitigate a missing appendage. Pirates had their peglegs, and that sort of thing, but the use of prosthetic devices meant to mimic a lost appendage are much older.

The oldest prosthetic device ever found was unearthed in a tomb near the city of Luxor in 1997, and has been on display in the Cairo museum ever since its discovery. The item in question is a prosthetic toe made of wood and leather.

An analysis of the artifact determined that it belonged to a woman, and it showed considerable signs of use. It had been refitted multiple times to shape it to the woman’s foot, which likely made it more comfortable for long-term use.

Given the technical expertise that clearly went into crafting the prosthetic toe, it’s likely others in Egypt used them. Unfortunately, no others have been found that date to around 1000 BC, as this one does. The manner in which it was made and maintained likely resulted in a freedom of movement that approximated what it would have been like before losing the toe it replaced.^[10]

4 The Oldest (Reusable) Condom

Because modern birth control in the form of condoms are made of rubber latex via a complex suite of machines, most people probably believe they are a relatively new invention. As it happens, condoms have been around for much longer than most people realize, and the oldest known one to exist was made in 1640.

The ancient birth control device was found in Lund, Sweden, and is made from a pig intestine. That may sound strange, but lambskin was a common material used prior to the creation of latex, and it’s still used in condom production for those with a latex allergy.

The condom wasn’t the only thing found related to 17th-century interests in avoiding pregnancy. In addition to the reusable condom, there was an owner’s manual written in Latin. The manual recommended washing the condom in warm milk to ensure it prevented disease.

This indicated that the condom’s manufacturer was well aware of its product’s inability to stop disease. While this was the oldest condom ever found, condoms of various types have been in use since around 11,000 BC, according to cave paintings in France.^[11][12]

3 The Oldest Recorded Tune

While it’s clear that music has been a factor in human culture for at least 42,000 years, records of the music played on the instruments that have been found are largely nonexistent. Still, there are some records of music that have made it to modern times, and the oldest is 4,000-years-old.

The oldest known piece of music is only a fragment of a musical notation found on a 4,000-year-old Sumerian clay tablet. The tune is a hymn honoring the ruler Lipit Ishtar, but it is, unfortunately, incomplete.

The oldest complete piece of music known to exist is the “Hurrian Hymn No. 6,” which is an ode to the goddess Nikkal. It was composed in cuneiform by the Hurrians sometime in the 14th century BC.

The hymn is complete, and it even came with musical notations, making it possible to play on a lyre. The lyrics that originally accompanied the music remain partly concealed. Still, it has been pieced together and translated from what is available, so you can listen to a song written some 3,400 years ago.^[13]

2 Oldest Map Ever Found

Most people with a cellphone use maps all the time, even if they don’t think of their GPS guide to a particular destination as a map. Still, that’s what it is, though it’s a highly evolved map, considering how they looked originally.

Maps have been around far longer than many of the items on this list, though there aren’t as many surviving examples as archaeologists and historians would like. The oldest known map of the world is the Imago Mundi, a Babylonian Map of the World, dating to between 500 and 700 BC.

The map is a carving that depicts Babylon in the center. Assyria and Elam are also shown, surrounded by a “Salt Sea,” forming a ring around the cities. The map features cuneiform text describing the local mythology in the region.

The oldest known geographic map ever found is the Turin Papyrus Map. Amennakhte, a well-known scribe in ancient Egypt, drew the map around 1150 BC. It depicts an area designated for a quarry expedition and was ordered by King Ramses IV.^[14]

The oldest surviving terrestrial globe is called the Erdapfel and was produced by Martin Behaim in 1492. It doesn’t depict the Americas and includes some exaggerated land masses as well as some mythical ones.^[15]

1 The Oldest Phallus Known To Exist

While it isn’t unreasonable to think that condoms were a modern invention, the artificial phallus, which is a nice way of saying “dildo,” has been around far longer. The oldest known dildo that has ever been found is a stone phallus dating back some 30,000 years.

The archaeologists who discovered it dubbed it an “Ice-Age baton,” and while it’s the oldest, it’s hardly the only one ever found. A far more intact one was found at Hohle Fels Cave in Germany. That one is fully intact and was made from fine-grained siltstone, which was ground, polished, and incised.

While it served an obvious purpose, it is also believed that it may have been used as a hammerstone. Over the years, other phallus’ have been found, including one dating to sometime between 4,000 and 6,000 BC.

That particular phallus was carved from a stag antler, and measures 4.1 in (10.5 cm) in length and is 0.78 in (2 cm) in diameter. According to Dr. Martin Rundkvist, a Swedish archaeologist who wrote of his find, “There are many non-dildoish uses for which it may have been intended but without doubt, anyone at the time would have seen the penile similarities.”^[16][17]

10 Of The Oldest Surviving Silent Horror Movies

The Mona Lisa is not only the most famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci but also the most famous painting of all time. It is a cultural icon. It has hung in the bathroom of a king, been stolen, and recently had a cake thrown at it by a protestor. Luckily for the painting, it is now housed behind bullet- and bomb-proof glass because it is such a valuable item.

But no amount of glass can protect it from reinterpretation by other artists. Here are ten alternative versions of Leonardo’s masterwork—and some of them are very alternative indeed.

Related: 10 Rare Discoveries About Famous Artists And Their Art

10 L.H.O.O.Q.

Marcel Duchamp scandalized and revolutionized the art world in the early 20th century when he began producing his “readymades.” He would take an everyday, mundane object and turn it into a work of art by placing it in an art gallery. Most famously, he took a urinal, turned it on its side, signed the name R. Mutt on it, and created a piece he called “Fountain.”

For his interpretation of the Mona Lisa, he used a postcard version of the painting and drew on a pointed mustache and small goatee beard. Under this, he labeled it L.H.O.O.Q. When these letters are read out in French, they sound like Ella a chaud au cul—meaning “She has a hot ass.”

Duchamp’s point was that no matter how great a work of art is perceived to be, it remains an object that can be played with.^[1]

9 Mona a’la Mace

Everyone likes to doodle drawings now and then. But only one person is considered the “da Vinci of Doodlers.” Lennie Mace is regarded as a master with the ballpoint pen. Using nothing more than ordinary pens, he crafts illustrations and what he calls PENtings. His most famous work is Mona a’la Mace—a Mona Lisa in ballpoint.

Because of his facility with pens, Mace was commissioned by the Pilot pen company to create a version of the Mona Lisa. The work foregoes Leonardo’s muted palette for ones of vivid purple. Somehow using nothing but ballpoints, Mace was able to replicate the soft and smooth contours that are a trademark of Leonardo’s style.

Although Mona a’la Mace once hung in Pilot’s offices, its current whereabouts are unknown. Since the artist was paid many thousands of dollars to make it, it probably did not end up in the garbage like most doodles.^[2]

8 Mona Lisa Bazooka

Banksy is the most famous street artist in the world. His graffiti often pops up in unexpected places, but it is rare for them to stay there for too long. His works can sell for millions. Entire walls have been taken out of buildings to allow the owners to sell their unexpected windfall.

In 2007, in Soho, London, Banksy created his take on the Mona Lisa. This time, instead of just holding the viewer with an enigmatic stare, the famous lady is shown holding a bazooka. By giving her a fearsome weapon, Mona Lisa’s subtle smile becomes maniacal. Is she smiling at the devastation she is about to unleash?

Not everyone is impressed by the juxtaposition of violence and sublime painting. One lady who spotted the work was heard to say, “Only boys with small d**ks paint pictures of big guns.”^[3]

7 Isleworth Mona Lisa

Leonardo da Vinci was a perfectionist. He was famous in his day for starting works and continuing to work on them for years, sometimes never completing them, as he strived to achieve his vision. The Mona Lisa may have been worked on from 1503 to 1517. Given the version in the Louvre took him so long, is it likely that Leonardo also created a second version? Some art historians think he did.

A copy of the Mona Lisa was bought in Italy in the 1780s and brought to Britain. It remained little known until 1913, when it was bought and displayed to the public. An article then appeared claiming that this version was also painted by Leonardo and was perhaps produced first. The next owner of the painting published a book that stated this was the only real Leonardo version—the one in the Louvre was just a copy by someone else. Coincidentally this would have made the painting he owned incredibly valuable.

Unfortunately for the current owners of the painting, there are a number of problems with attributing it to Leonardo. Leonardo painted on wooden boards, but the Isleworth Mona Lisa is painted on canvas.^[4]

6 Prado Mona Lisa

There are, unsurprisingly, many copies of the Mona Lisa. The one hanging in the Prado Museum in Madrid was thought to be just another of these for many years. However, when it was restored in 2012, experts were given the chance to reassess this painting, and they discovered something exciting.

The Prado Mona Lisa dates from around 1507 to 1516—exactly the time when Leonardo was producing his own work. When years of varnish and black overpainting were stripped back, the Prado Mona Lisa revealed its quality. In many ways, it is better preserved than the more famous Mona Lisa in the Louvre, and the details of the background are much clearer.

The Prado version is painted from a very slightly different angle than the Louvre version. It seems that this painting was made by an apprentice working beside Leonardo in the same studio. Who painted this Mona Lisa, however, remains a mystery as Leonardo had many assistants.^[5]

5 Monna Vanna

One of Leonardo’s closest assistants, and possibly his lover, was called Salai. Salai was taught the art of painting by Leonardo though he never equaled his master in talent. Some have suggested he helped Leonardo in other ways—one theory is that Salai was the real model for the Mona Lisa.

Salai is linked to the Mona Lisa in other ways. It may be that he painted the version in the Prado. It may also be that after Leonardo’s death, it was Salai who inherited the Mona Lisa in the Louvre. We do know that Salai produced at least one version of the Mona Lisa called the Monna Vanna. In that painting, the model sits in the same position as the Mona Lisa but has exposed breasts.

The Monna Vanna, or Vain Woman, might not be the scandalous Leonardo knock-off it at first seems. A sketch of the Monna Vanna was apparently drawn by Leonardo himself. It also appears to be a drawing of Salai with breasts—did Leonardo create it as an homage to his handsome young assistant or as a sly joke?^[6]

4 Mona Lisa Smoking a Pipe

The Dada movement and the Surrealists changed art forever when they made their bizarre contributions, but in many ways, they were building on the work of other strange artists. In 1882, an exhibition was put on in Paris called Arts Incohérents. It featured only work by artists who didn’t know how to draw. It was a huge success and was repeated several times in the following years. One of the contributors was an artist known as Sapeck, real name Eugène Bataille.

Sapeck was known for his eccentricities that pre-empted performance art. He had a habit of walking around the city with his head painted blue. So it should perhaps not be surprising that his Mona Lisa was a little odd.

Sapeck’s Mona Lisa is shown smoking a pipe and puffing out rings of smoke.^[7]

3 Mona Lisa

All artists cultivate a particular style to communicate their ideas. Fernando Botero certainly has style. As a painter and sculptor, Botero shows people that look as if they have been overinflated and are filling the space they’re in.

Botero’s Mona Lisa is not the delicate lady of Leonardo’s original but is instead a shapely, almost bulbous presence. Both have the same unknowable expression, though. How you interpret that look is probably very different depending on whether you are looking at a Botero or a Leonardo.

Botero has actually painted several versions of the Mona Lisa. One is called Mona Lisa, Age Twelve and shows the sitter as a sickly green young lady. Without the title, you might not even know who she was meant to be.^[8]

2 Monna Lisa (Be Back in 5 Minutes)

If anyone has seen the Mona Lisa, it is probably through a forest of tourists’ hands holding up their phones to snap a picture. It is hard to get up close to the painting, and when people do, they are often disappointed to find out the Mona Lisa is surprisingly small. Hardly anyone gets a chance to study the details. When you’re looking at her mouth, you don’t get much chance to look at the background. Behind Leonardo’s Mona Lisa is an imaginary landscape featuring mountains, paths, and a bridge.

Sophie Matisse is the great-granddaughter of the famous painter Henri Matisse, and she has created a series of works called “Be Back in 5 Minutes.” She takes famous works of art and removes the humans that would normally be in them. One of them shows off the gorgeous scenery that would be visible if only Mona Lisa would step out of the way.^[9]

1 Self Portrait Mona Lisa by Dali

Salvador Dali was one of the great surrealists. His work is instantly recognizable for the dreamscapes he conjures up featuring melting clocks or spindle-legged elephants. However, Dali not only painted bizarre works of art but also turned his whole life into one weird performance. Not the least of his eccentricities was the pointed and upturned mustache he cultivated.

Dali’s mustache is somewhat similar to the facial hair Duchamp painted on his version of the Mona Lisa. This makes what Dali did somewhat meta. He not only put his mustache on his own upper lip, but he also put his whole face on the Mona Lisa. Dali appears looking swivel-eyed and clutching a pile of coins, perhaps to suggest the madness of the huge amounts paid for classic works of art.

How much is the real Mona Lisa worth? It’s impossible to say as it will never be sold. However, in 1962, it was assessed at $100 million, nearly $1 billion today. But since then, the art market has gone wild, and almost any estimate would be sure to be beaten if the Mona Lisa appeared at auction.^[10]