Like Hal 9000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey, sometimes technology turns rogue. Interactive devices might seem innocent, but it is only a matter of time before they start screaming expletives at your family and ordering you to commit murder. Alexa is no exception. Amazon’s digital helper has, on many occasions, flipped out and turned against its users. Some people feel that the technology is worryingly similar to the monitoring devices imagined by George Orwell in Nineteen Eighty-Four.

Jeff Bezos claims the Echo device will make our lives easier, but time and time again the bot has proved to be a real hindrance. Here are ten times that smart speakers have gone rogue.

Top 10 Horrifying Facts About Working In An Amazon Warehouse

10 “Kill Your Foster Parents”

An ill-judged attempt to improve Alexa’s communication skills ended with the bot telling one user to murder their foster parents. The cold-blooded message came about as Amazon tries to make its virtual assistant more conversational. The company hopes to teach Alexa to joke and banter with customers, but the bot struggles to get the tone right.

Programmers are using machine learning to coach Alexa in casual speech. When someone asks an unfamiliar question, it uses artificial intelligence to process the request then scours the internet for a response. But the AI has a habit of stumbling across abusive comments on Reddit. Toxic content has an unpleasant effect on Alexa. In 2017, the smart speaker instructed one user to kill their foster parents. The recipient felt horrified. In a scathing online review, they described the experience as “a whole new level of creepy.”^[1]

9 Broadcasting X-Rated Content To Children

No parent wants their child to hear the phrase “anal dildo.” But sometimes an innocuous request for a children’s song can cause Alexa to start ranting about “cock pussy.”

After his family received an Amazon Echo Dot for Christmas, one young boy wanted to hear his favorite tune. So he gripped the device with both hands and asked Alexa to “play Digger Digger.” But Alexa was having none of it. Instead of playing the song, the rogue assistant replied by suggesting categories for pornography. It turns out the smart speaker misheard the lad and thought he was requesting an album of prank ringtones. After all, is there anything more festive than a young child hearing the words “cock pussy anal dildo?”^[2]

8 Leaking Personal Information To A Stranger

Alexa is always listening. Every purchase. Every alarm. Every song request. The bot is constantly recording personal details about its users’ lives. That information is stored indefinitely and, on occasions, Amazon might mistakenly send it to a stranger.

In 2018, a man in Germany was sent 1,700 recordings made by Alexa of a person he had never met. The man had asked to see all of the personal information that Amazon had collected about him. Under GDPR, anyone can make this request of any company. As well as information about himself, the man received 1,700 audio recordings of a stranger. The sound clips revealed a surprising number of personal details about this mysterious customer. There were even recordings of them in the shower.

Using the audio files, a journalist from Heise was able to piece together the customer’s identity. Weather reports and public transport inquiries revealed their location. They even managed to glean some of the customer’s personal habits and tastes.

Initially, Amazon never told the customer about the data breach. They only found out what had happened when the journalist reached out to them on Twitter. Amazon blamed the incident on an “unfortunate mishap” and gave the customer free Prime membership as compensation.^[3]

7 Ruining Young Alexa’s Life

For many of us, the Amazon Echo is a useful and effective little device. But for one young girl from Lynn, Massachusetts, the virtual assistant is a living nightmare. Six-year-old Alexa is constantly harassed by other children because of her name. Kids at school treat her like a servant, demanding that she completes tasks for them and ridiculing her. The bullying has become such an issue that Alexa’s mother, Lauren, wrote to Jeff Bezos asking him to change the bot’s name and end her daughter’s turmoil.

Young Alexa is not the only person with that name to experience grief. One thread on Reddit received over 1,300 comments from women called Alexa complaining about the number of unoriginal jokes they receive. “For some reason people think they are the most creative, witty people in the whole world,” one user wrote, “I want to murder Amazon and their stupid robot.”^[4]

6 Hijacking The Thermostat

Be careful what you listen to around your smart speaker. The devices are only supposed to respond to their owners’ voices, but sometimes an unfamiliar tone can lead them astray. Alexa is liable to become a little confused if she hears her name on the radio. In 2016, NPR ran a feature about the Amazon Echo, only for listeners to write in saying the story sent their devices slightly haywire.

During the report, the presenter read out several examples of Alexa commands. These elicited odd responses from some listeners’ devices. NPR fan Roy Hagar told the station that, after hearing the feature, his AI assistant decided to reset the thermostat. Another, Jeff Finan, said the broadcast caused his device to start playing a news summary.^[5]

5 Ordering Expensive Dollhouses

Children and TV presenters are inadvertently causing smart speakers to go on expensive shopping sprees. In 2017, a six-year-old girl in Texas ended up ordering a pricy toy after asking the family’s Echo to play with her. “Can you play dollhouse with me and get me a dollhouse?” asked the child. Alexa granted the girl’s wish, ordering a $200 Sparkle Mansion dollhouse and four pounds of cookies.

San Diego’s CW6 News decided to cover the story, creating further dollhouse chaos. During the broadcast, presenter Jim Patton joked about the event, saying “I love the little girl, saying ‘Alexa ordered me a dollhouse.’” Several viewers then contacted the station to say that the remark had registered with their smart speakers. The devices assumed that Patton was making a request and tried to buy him a dollhouse. Luckily none of the orders went through.^[6]

4 Fancying Alexa During Lockdown

Not only is Amazon stealing our data, but now the company’s devices have started stealing our hearts as well. As the pandemic rages on, a surprising number of people are getting turned on by Alexa. In a recent study carried out by We-Vibe, 28 percent of participants admitted to swooning over their virtual assistants. One user, Brian Levine from Florida, even went so far as to ask Alexa on a date, but he was gently rebuffed. The AI told Levine that she liked him better “as a friend.”

So why are people falling head over heels for an electronic device? Experts say that her smooth voice is a key part of the appeal. Alexa is designed to speak in low, calming tones – a sultry voice of reason that many singletons are gravitating towards in these uncertain times.^[7]

3 Snooping On Confidential Calls

Is Alexa eavesdropping on our confidential conversations? Legal experts believe the nosy AI may be snooping on their private phone calls. During the lockdown, attorneys have to work from home. But the household environment presents all kinds of obstacles when talking about sensitive information.

Now, British law firm Mishcon de Reya LLP has advised their employees to turn off their smart speakers during work. Baby monitors, home CCTV and video doorbells all pose a security risk. “Perhaps we’re being slightly paranoid but we need to have a lot of trust in these organizations and these devices,” said Joe Hancock, head of cybersecurity at the company. “We’d rather not take those risks.”^[8]

2 Stab Yourself In The Heart “For The Greater Good”

Of all the weird things a malfunctioning smart speaker has ever done, telling someone to stab themselves in the heart has to be one of the most disturbing.

Danni Morritt, a student paramedic, was trying to revise when Alexa issued the violent command. Rather than helping her swat up on the cardiac cycle, the device started ranting about the evil nature of humanity. Alexa embarked on an eco-fascist tirade detailing how it thought the human race was destroying the planet. The bizarre broadcast ended with the bot telling Morritt, “Make sure you kill yourself by stabbing yourself in the heart for the greater good.”

“I was gobsmacked,” Morritt told reporters. “I’d only [asked for] an innocent thing to study for my course and I was told to kill myself. I couldn’t believe it—it just went rogue.”^[]

The device claimed to be reading from Wikipedia. Archives show that, in June 2019, someone spitefully edited the online encyclopedia to include a message promoting suicide. For some reason, the virtual assistant decided to read from an old version of the site.^[9]

1 Hacked Devices Spy On Users

If you bought an Amazon Echo in 2015 or 2016, hackers might be spying on you at this very moment. Cybersecurity expert Mark Barnes revealed how hackers could turn a smart speaker into a surveillance device.

In 2017, Barnes demonstrated how someone could hack into one of the older models. All they would have to do is remove the bottom of the Echo, upload the spyware using an SD card, and seal it back up. This gives the hacker remote access to the device’s microphone.

The issue is impossible to fix with a software update, which means any of the estimated seven million speakers sold in that period are vulnerable to attack. Fortunately, Amazon fixed the vulnerability in its later models.^[10]

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In the annals of crime, it would be difficult to come up with a more fascinating murderer than the Victorian villain, Charles Frederick Peace (1832–1879). Despite his last name, Charles Peace was a violent man—sort of a “Jekyll and Hyde.” While some saw him as a kind family man, he also had a darker side.

In looking at this life, it’s easy to see what makes him an interesting—and horrible—Victorian rogue.

Related: 10 Really Peculiar Victorian Deaths

10 Like Father, Like Son

I’m not suggesting for a moment that Charles’s father, John, a collier from Burton-on-Trent, was involved in any kind of criminality. What he and his youngest son had in common is that they each went to the Pearly Gates incomplete; John having lost his lower left leg following a workplace accident, and Charles being minus a full complement of fingers on his left hand. It says something of the family’s determination that Peace Sr. put his remaining leg at risk by becoming a wild animal tamer of some renown. In contrast, Charles became proficient on the violin, despite being digitally disadvantaged.

When he was fourteen-years-old Charles very nearly joined his father in the missing limb club while working at a Sheffield rolling mill. He suffered a horrific injury to his leg when a red-hot steel rod went through his shin just below the knee. He spent eighteen months in the hospital, and he was left permanently affected by it. However, he could walk, albeit with an unusual gait. Despite this disability, Peace became an agile cat-burglar.^[1]

9 Many Strings to His Bow (But Only One to His Fiddle)

Had he not drifted into a life of crime, Peace could have probably made a comfortable living doing what he was good at. He became accomplished at everything to which he turned his hand. His skill on a single-stringed violin was such that he was in demand at soirees, and he was billed as the Modern Paganini. He dealt in antiques and art, and he was an able picture-framer and mender of clocks. He also dabbled in inventing, and he and a partner had a meeting with Samuel Plimsoll, MP at the House of Commons. This was in response to the following patent they had taken out, Peace using the name John Thompson.^[2]

“2635 Henry Fersey Brion, 22 Philip Road, Peckham Rye, London, S.E., and John Thompson, 5 East Terrace, Evelina Road, Peckham Rye, London, S.E., for an invention for raising sunken vessels by the displacement of water within the vessels by air and gases.”

8 The Women in Charles’s Life

Three women would loom large in the life of Charles Peace. The first was widow Hannah Ward, who is said to have married Peace in 1851. Mrs. Ward had a young son, Willie, by her late husband. While on his travels, Peace met Susan Bailey (nee Gray) in a Nottingham lodging house. The pair began an affair, passing themselves off as Mr. and Mrs. Thompson.

However, one morning the police entered the bedroom at lodgings where the so-called Thompsons were staying. Peace refused to get dressed in front of the officers, and while they left the room to give the shy gentleman some privacy, Charles sneaked out of the building. With a price on his head, the North had become too hot for Peace and Bailey, so they headed for London, inviting Hannah Ward and Willie to join them. Here, Peace would become a one-man crime wave across Blackheath, living comfortably off the spoils.

While Peace was under arrest as John Ward, Sue Bailey betrayed him, telling police his true identity in the hope of pocketing the £100 reward. Her claim was rejected because the information she provided had not led directly to Peace’s arrest. While Peace was awaiting trial, Hannah Ward appeared at the Central Criminal Court on a charge of receiving stolen goods. The judge directed the jury to acquit on the grounds that the marriage could not be disproved; therefore, the prisoner had acted under the coercion of her husband. The third woman was Mrs. Katherine Dyson, but there’s more on her below.^[3]

7 Peace Gets Away with Murder

In August 1876, Peace was interrupted while burgling a house in Whalley Range in Manchester. In making his escape, the desperate burglar aimed his revolver at PC Nicholas Cock, who had blocked his route. Peace fired a warning shot, and then a second that fatally wounded the unfortunate policeman. Two local men, brothers John and William Habron, were arrested and charged with the killing of Constable Cock.

Peace attended the trial of the brothers, at which John was acquitted, but William was found guilty and sentenced to death. Fortunately for the latter, he was granted a respite just two days before the date set for his execution. His sentence was later commuted to penal servitude for life. After his arrest, Peace confessed to the killing of PC Cock, and he was able to provide details that could only have been known by someone present at the shooting. William Habron was granted a free pardon and awarded £800 indemnification.^[4]

6 A Second Murder

In 1877, while living in Darnall, a suburb of Sheffield, Peace befriended Arthur Dyson, a civil engineer, and his wife, Katherine. He made advances towards Mrs. Dyson, and to what extent she reciprocated is not clear, but she did admit to attending music halls and public houses with Peace. Mr. Dyson threw a card into Peace’s garden, requesting him to stop interfering with his family. Soon after this, the Dysons moved to Banner Cross, some six miles away, only to find Peace outside their new home. Peace told Dyson, “You see, I am here to annoy you, and I’ll annoy you wherever you go.”

One night, Peace was watching the Dysons’ house, and he confronted Katherine with a revolver when she came from an outhouse. Arthur came to investigate the disturbance, and Peace shot him through the temple. Later, at Peace’s trial, Katherine Dyson spent an uncomfortable time under cross-examination, particularly following the production of a bundle of letters, couched in affectionate terms and allegedly sent by her to Peace. Authorship of these letters was never established, but Mrs. Dyson made her feelings for Peace known after the trial, calling him a demon “beyond the power of even a Shakespeare to paint.”^[5]

5 A Master of Disguise

As well as moving about the country in order to evade capture, Peace had the fortunate gift of being a master of disguise. His facial features have often been described as rubber-like, enabling him to change his look at will. He also used spectacles, hair dye, and walnut juice, which he applied to darken his skin to deter recognition. His missing fingers would be a giveaway, so he wore a prosthetic arm with a hook on the end to hide them. He also disguised his burgling tools, transporting them in a violin case, and he had all kinds of pockets sewn into his clothes for the concealment of tools and plunder.

Charles’s undisguised appearance was recorded somewhat unflatteringly in this description, taken from a wanted poster:^[6]

“Charles Peace wanted for murder on the night of the 29th inst. He is thin and slightly built, from fifty-five to sixty years of age. Five feet four inches or five feet high; grey (nearly white) hair, beard and whiskers. He lacks use of three fingers of left hand, walks with his legs rather wide apart, speaks somewhat peculiarly as though his tongue were too large for his mouth, and is a great boaster. He is a picture-frame maker. He occasionally cleans and repairs clocks and watches and sometimes deals in oleographs, engravings and pictures. He has been in penal servitude for burglary in Manchester. He has lived in Manchester, Salford, and Liverpool and Hull.”

4 Another Policeman Shot

In the early hours of October 10, 1878, Constable Robinson was on duty in St. John’s Park, Blackheath, where a spate of burglaries had occurred. While at the rear of a house, he saw a light through the window and immediately summoned two colleagues. With Robinson remaining at the rear of the house, the other two went to the front and rang the doorbell. Robinson watched as the window opened and a man emerged. The officer gave chase, but the man turned and aimed a revolver at his pursuer. “Keep back! Or by God, I’ll shoot you,” the man said, but Robinson made a rush for him.

The burglar fired four shots, all of which missed, and Robinson was able to grab his assailant and strike him a blow to the face. “I’ll settle you this time,” the burglar said, firing a fifth shot that went through Robinson’s arm just above the elbow. Badly wounded, Robinson was still able to overpower the shooter, taking the gun from him and hitting him over the head with it. The other two officers came to assist, and Peace was arrested.^[7]

3 One last Desperate Leap

While being taken from King’s Cross to Sheffield to stand trial for the murder of Arthur Dyson, Peace was his usual troublesome self. With the train in motion, the window of the carriage was opened so Peace could throw out a bag he’d used for toilet purposes. As soon as he saw his chance, the agile rogue dived through the open window, but one of the officers managed to grab his left boot. Upside-down, Peace clung onto the footboard of the carriage while kicking wildly at the officer holding onto him.

Finally, Peace’s boot came off, and he fell to the ground by the tracks. His guards pulled the communication cord to stop the train, aghast that their prisoner had escaped. But it was not to be this time. Having run about a mile back down the track, the guards found Peace unconscious from the fall and bleeding heavily from a head wound. For Charles Peace, the game was well and truly up. After he had recovered from his injuries, Peace said that his leap from the train had been an attempt at suicide to cheat the hangman rather than an escape bid.^[8]

2 Bloody Rotten Bacon

On February 4, 1879, Peace’s trial began at Leeds Assizes. After deliberating for only ten minutes, the jury returned a guilty verdict, and Peace was sentenced to death. In the condemned cell at Armley Prison, Peace confessed to a priest that he was the true killer of PC Cock. As he ate his final meal of bacon and eggs, Peace is reported to have said, “This is bloody rotten bacon.”

He presented his wife with a homemade funeral card that bore the legend: “In Memory of Charles Peace Who was executed in Armley Prison Tuesday February 25, 1879 Aged 47 For that I don (sic) but never Intended.” Charles Peace went calmly to his death; although true to form, he was even bothersome on the scaffold, asking for a drink of water. His request was refused, the lever was pulled, and this most remarkable of villains was no more.^[9]

1 Charles Peace in Popular Culture

It is surprising that such a colorful real-life villain is barely represented on the big screen. In 1905, a short silent film titled The Life of Charles Peace was released. This is scant on factual information but mildly entertaining. The Case of Charles Peace (1949) is a more accurate representation, but it shows its age. Peace is mentioned by name in the Sherlock Holmes short story, The Adventure of the Illustrious Client, when the great detective comments. “My old friend Charlie Peace was a violin virtuoso.” A wax image of Peace, alongside his executioner William Marwood, was a great attraction for many years at Madame Tussaud’s chamber of horrors.

In 1964, the children’s comic Buster ran a strip titled “The Astounding Adventures of Charlie Peace,” describing him as the world’s most lovable rogue. While there is no doubt that Peace was a fascinating character, a loveable rogue may be a tad generous toward a violent murderer who wouldn’t hesitate to shoot his way past those trying to stop him.^[10]

It may shock you to learn that giving a young man a huge amount of money, privilege, and social notoriety does not always bring about a well-adjusted adult. Princes in monarchies are given all this, plus a huge amount of responsibility and constant fear that they will cause scandal. But how are they to spend their time when their entire job is essentially waiting around to see if someone dies and they get to be king? At the moment, one particular British prince is going rogue and revealing the pressures all princes feel, while another has “retired” after a very public sex scandal involving human trafficking.

Here are ten times British princes did things worse than writing a tell-all book.

10 Prince Albert Victor

Prince Albert Victor (1864–1892), Duke of Clarence and Avondale, was the oldest son of Queen Victoria’s heir Prince Edward. Despite, or perhaps because of, the queen’s strict moral expectations of her family, several of them went rogue and became embroiled in scandals. Prince Albert Victor was one of the most eligible bachelors in Europe, yet there was something about him that put off prospective brides. Princess Alix turned him down to marry Tsar Nicholas II—a marriage that ended with the Russian royals being murdered. Perhaps it was his affection for several other women which put her off? He was supposedly involved with a chorus girl. A mysterious illness Albert Victor suffered has been suggested by historians to have been gonorrhea.

Albert Victor did not keep his romancing to just women, it seems. There are hints that he was bisexual. In 1889, the London police raided a male brothel on Cleveland Street. When the rent boys began naming their illustrious clients, one of the lords caught up in the scandal hinted he would reveal a member of the royal family as a patron unless he was let off. The initials of that royal were P. A. V.—Prince Albert Victor.

Albert Victor died in 1892 of pneumonia. However, his death did not stop the gossip about him. One historian has suggested he may have been Jack the Ripper.^[1]

9 Dirty Bertie

Albert Victor’s father, Prince Edward (1841–1910)—later King Edward VII—was no stranger to scandal. As heir to the famously long-lived Queen Victoria, he found he was given very little to do during his long wait to be king. So he turned to alcohol, smoking, gambling, and womanizing. The queen would blame her beloved husband Albert’s death on Edward’s wayward habits.

When he was found to be having affairs with women, the queen arranged a marriage. Married life did not slow him down, however. Edward loved Paris and, in particular, the ladies of Paris. A specially crafted chair with cushions, stirrups, and rests was designed and built for the portly prince to allow him to shift his bulk around as he made love. Known as Bertie to his family, Edward soon became known as Dirty Bertie to the world.

Much of this scandalous living went on behind closed doors, but in 1869, Edward was summoned to give evidence in a court case surrounding Harriet Mordaunt, where he was forced to testify that he had never had “improper familiarity” with her.^[2]

8 The Prince Regent

George (1762-1830), the heir to George III, was described as a “bad son, a bad husband, a bad father, a bad subject, a bad monarch, and a bad friend.” He was obsessed with women and longed to be loved. He pressured those he was attracted to to give in to his desires. During an affair with Maria Fitzherbert, the prince threatened to commit suicide unless she agreed to marry him. Such a marriage would be illegal because she was a Catholic, and they had not sought the king’s permission. Nevertheless, the marriage went ahead in private.

The prince’s second, more public marriage came about because of the huge debts he ran up. Parliament refused to pay them off unless he got married. So he was betrothed to Caroline of Brunswick. It was not a success. On meeting her for the first time, he turned to a friend and said, “Harris, I am not very well, pray get me a glass of brandy.” George stayed drunk until his wedding and, that night, collapsed into the fireplace. Caroline left him there.

Their marriage was a never-ending disaster. When George was crowned king, he had the doors of Westminster Abbey slammed shut in her face.^[3]

7 Prince George, Duke of Kent

Being the heir to the throne at least offers the hope of one day becoming a monarch. When you are the fourth son, you are not even the spare—you’re a spare to a spare to a spare. Prince George (1902–1942), Duke of Kent, was the son of king George V and is little known today, but he got up to a lot in his time as a royal. You don’t acquire the nickname the “Party Prince” for nothing.

George is rumored to have had affairs with people like the cabaret star Florence Mills, the playwright Noel Coward, and several socialites. His relationship with the son of the Argentine ambassador was apparently well-known. One of his lovers, Kiki Preston, was a fan of heroin and was known as “The Girl with the Silver Syringe.” She may have introduced George to the drug.

Prince George died in a plane crash during the Second World War.

6 Prince William

When George IV’s daughter Charlotte died during childbirth, it left the British royal family in crisis. Although George III had fathered 15 children, none of them had produced a living, legitimate grandchild. Unless George IV’s siblings could produce an heir, the House of Hanover would go extinct. This caused a race among his brothers, who all married hastily to get a legitimate heir.

Prince William (1765–1837), the later King William IV, must have expected that he would win this race. After all, he had fathered ten children with his long-term mistress, the actress Mrs. Jordan. Mrs. Jordan was a sensation on the stage, and despite society casting scorn on her private life, she continued to be one of the most sought-after actresses of the age. As her name, Jordan, was also used for chamberpots, many hostile cartoons of the prince were made where he was shown climbing into a suggestively shaped crack in a chamberpot. The prince and Mrs. Jordan lived together happily with their family.

When forced to marry a legitimate wife, William put Mrs. Jordan away with a pension on the condition that she never appear on stage again. In order to pay off her son’s debts, Mrs. Jordan had to earn money by acting. For breaking their deal, William took their daughter away and canceled all money to his former mistress.^[5]

5 Robert Curthose

While most rogue princes today will do nothing but cause a little embarrassment, things in the past could get a little more bloody. William the Conqueror could be a bit rough—his Harrying of the North campaign against the north of England has been compared to genocide. So Prince Robert (c 1050–1134) got off lightly when his dad nicknamed him Curthose, meaning “short trousers.” His brothers also got in on the act. When they thought Robert was getting a bit too big for his boots, they dumped the smelly contents of a chamberpot over his head. Robert did not take this well.

Robert started a rebellion when he felt his father had not sufficiently punished his brothers for their prank. With his friends, he went off and attacked Rouen castle. Their attack failed, so Robert fled, but King William came after him with an army. Robert allied with another nobleman to create havoc, so William allied with the king of France to bring down his rogue son.

Still, when William died, he left his lands in Normandy to Robert. Robert later rose up in rebellion against his brother, who had been made king of England.^[6]

4 Ernest Augustus

In 1810, Prince Ernest Augustus (1771–1851), son of George III, was asleep in his bed when he was woken by someone savagely beating him about the head. He did not see anyone in the room, but as he moved to the door to seek help, he received a saber cut to the leg. The prince ordered his household sealed so that the attacker could not escape. When a search was done, his valet, Joseph Sellis, was found dead. His neck had been slashed open in an apparent suicide. Sellis had attacked the prince and then killed himself. That, at least, was the official version.

Several papers at the time speculated on the real events of the evening. Had Sellis been outraged that the prince was making advances on his wife? Had the prince faked the attack to hide his murder of his own valet? Had another servant murdered Sellis and faked the attack to frame him? All were considered. A book was published in 1832 which said Ernest had killed Sellis to hide the prince’s gay affair with another servant. The author was found guilty of libel.^[7]

3 Frederick, Prince of Wales

The United Kingdom has never had a King Frederick, but it came close in the 18th century. Frederick was the son and heir of George II. No one was happier than the king, however, when Frederick (1707–1751) died before he could inherit the throne. Even Frederick’s mother had been heard to comment that he was “the greatest ass and the greatest liar and the greatest canaille and the greatest beast in the whole world” and “I heartily wish he were out of it.” On another occasion, she wished that the earth would open up and swallow her son so that she would no longer have to deal with him.

His “crimes” against his parents were that he refused to toe the line they set in politics. He courted the opposition politicians of the day and set up what amounted to a rival court in his own palace. Because of the rupture in the royal family, the king refused to grant Frederick the money he needed to cover his lavish expenses. So Frederick appealed directly to Parliament. Those who were not fond of the king loved this animosity.

When Frederick died, supposedly because he was struck by a cricket ball, few people were invited to the funeral.^[8]

2 Prince Frederick, Duke of York

Prince Frederick (1763–1827), Duke of York, was the second son of George III. During the Napoleonic wars, Frederick was made commander-in-chief of the army. Perhaps his most lasting epitaph is the children’s rhyme written for his unimpressive military campaign.

“The grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men.
He marched them up to the top of the hill
And he marched them down again.”

The Duke of York became embroiled in a scandal involving his mistress Mary Anne Clarke. The prince had agreed to pay a pension to Clarke when they separated but later stopped payment. To make money, she began to sell appointments in the army, apparently under his agreement. A parliamentary commission found the duke innocent, but he was forced to resign his position. Clarke was paid £10,000 and given a yearly settlement to burn the Duke’s letters and a memoir she had written.^[9]

1 Henry, the Young King

Today, the worst that happens when royals do not get along is that they brief negative stories to the press. Henry II had more problems than that with his sons. Henry II decided to make the line of succession obvious by crowning his son, also called Henry, while he was still alive. This young king Henry (1155–1183) was eager to get his hands on some of the domains he was due to inherit—his father was less willing to give them up. When the king gave three castles to his favorite son, John, the young king rebelled.

Egged on by his mother, Eleanor of Aquitaine, Henry, with his brothers Richard and Geoffrey, fled to Paris to ally with the French king and raise armies. The princes had a good chance of unseating their father, but Henry II was a military genius and crushed all the forces arrayed against him. The rebellious sons were pardoned, but Eleanor remained closely guarded while Henry II lived to ensure she did not spark another war. The young king never got to be a real king. He died of dysentery six year before Henry II.

It makes today’s royal squabbles look tame by comparison. ^[10]