Working with the limited scientific knowledge they had, the ancient Greek and Roman civilizations came up with a number of theories about the human body. While some were correct, most were not. As a matter of fact, some doctors, philosophers, and thinkers got it hilariously wrong.

10 Food Was Changed Into Blood By The Liver
Originator: Galen

Perhaps the greatest Roman (though, he was of Greek ethnicity) doctor ever, Galen published a vast number of writings on the human body and proposed many correct theories. One of the incorrect ones that he believed was that food was digested by the stomach and taken to the liver, where it was turned into blood. The biggest reason for many of Galen’s errors was that he’d never dissected a human body; in his time, it was outlawed by the Roman Empire. His theories were widely followed—practically blindly—until the 16th century, when Flemish doctor Andreas Vesalius began to question Galen’s findings.

9 Lambs Grew From Trees
Originator: Megasthenes

Megasthenes was a Greek explorer who returned from a trip he took to India and wrote a book about his travels. He referred to cotton plants that he saw as “trees on which grew wool,” which led to the misconception that lambs grew on trees. From that incorrect assumption, a number of other ancient thinkers, including Theophrastus and Pliny the Elder, mentioned “wool-bearing trees” in their writings, perpetuating the myth. As late as the 18th or 19th centuries, this was still a commonly believed theory, with books published on the subject and a number of expeditions undertaken in search of the mythical plant.

8 Light Came From The Eye
Originator: Plato

Plato, one of the greatest Greek philosophers, contributed greatly to medical knowledge—erroneously in a number of cases. Perhaps his worst error was the idea that “a stream of light or fire” emanated from the eye, rebounded off of an object, and combined with sunlight, allowing it to be seen by the eye. An object’s color was said to be “flame particles” that were let off its body. This was a commonly held notion until the 11th century, when Persian scientist Ibn al-Haytham developed his theory that the eye was merely an optical instrument in his writing The Book of Optics.

7 Veins Carried Blood, Arteries Carried Air
Originator: Praxagoras

An ancient Greek physician whose writings have been lost to humanity, Praxagoras is perhaps best known for being the first to realize that veins and arteries are different. However, he believed that air traveled through the arteries (probably due to the fact that blood tends to leave the arteries upon death and accumulates in the veins). Praxagoras explained away bleeding by saying the arteries attracted blood from the neighboring tissue when exposed to air. This theory was widely believed for hundreds of years.

6 Sleep Occurs When Blood Flows Away From The Surface
Originator: Alcmaeon

Another ancient Greek philosopher and doctor, Alcmaeon of Croton was the holder of a number of medical firsts, including the idea that the brain was the seat of understanding, rather than the heart. He also theorized that sensory organs are attached to the brain. However, he wasn’t always correct. He believed that sleep came to humans when their blood flowed from the surface of their bodies to the blood vessels farther in. Alcmaeon also believed that death occurred if all of the blood went deep into the body.

5 The Brain Was Just A Cooling Device
Originator: Aristotle

Aristotle believed the heart was the center of knowledge and the source of the sensations in the human body, rather than the brain, and he had an interesting theory about the brain. He felt that the brain was merely a cooling organ for the heart and an area for “spirit” to pool. Even though earlier Greeks, including Alcmaeon and Plato, had put forth a neuro-centric model of the human body, Aristotle ridiculed them for their “fallacious” views. In addition, he also thought women’s brains were smaller than men’s, another of his errors that persisted for a number of years.

4 Hemorrhoids Could Be Cured In Weird Ways
Originator: Pliny The Elder

Pliny the Elder was one of the greatest Roman authors and published Naturalis Historia, one of the earliest examples of an encyclopedia. Apparently, hemorrhoids were quite the problem for the ancient Romans, because there were a number of cures. Using an onion as a suppository was supposed to help, and eating garlic with wine but vomiting it back up was said to be beneficial to hemorrhoid sufferers as well. Using a fresh root of rosemary and rubbing it on the anus was also very effective (it also helped if you had a prolapsed rectum). Perhaps the strangest cure was a cream made from the lard of a pig and the rust of a chariot’s wheels.

3 Light Traveled Through The Ether
Originator: Aristotle

While Aristotle influenced civilization for thousands of years, it doesn’t give him a pass on some of his wilder theories. Chief among them was his idea that the entire universe was filled with an unknown substance called “the ether.” Aristotle proposed the theory because he believed light would be unable to move through an empty universe. Like many of his ideas, this one persisted, and the best and brightest of the scientific community failed to contradict it. It was widely believed until 1910, when Albert Einstein proved light didn’t need the ether with his theory of special relativity.

2 The Testicles Determined A Person’s Voice
Originator: Aristotle

Aristotle certainly had his fair share of incorrect theories. Not the least of these was that the testicles were a key factor in determining a person’s vocal pitch. Aristotle’s reasoning was that a boy’s voice tended to deepen during puberty, when his testicles dropped (a lot of this theory was dependent on his observations in animals as well). In addition, he noticed that men who were castrated before puberty maintained their “ladylike” voice, as well as a number of other traits. Obviously, we now know the larynx and the mucus membrane within it control the voice’s pitch.

1 The Womb Roamed Around A Woman’s Body
Originator: Hippocrates

Recognized as the father of Western medicine, Hippocrates had a number of incorrect theories, most notably his theory of humorism, which stated that the human body was made up of four elements that caused illnesses when out of balance. However, his craziest theory was the idea of a “wandering womb.” Hippocrates believed that a woman’s body craved warmth and moisture, so they needed to get laid often. If not, their womb would get bored and start to migrate around their body. In addition, an excess of “male activities,” could also cause the womb to wander. Depending on where it finally attached itself, various disorders could result, including hysteria. This was still a widely held theory until the Middle Ages.

The TV series All in the Family ran on CBS from 1971 to 1979. The infamous Archie Bunker, so brilliantly portrayed by Carroll O’Connor, had an opinion about everyone and everything.

In today’s hyper-politically correct cancel culture, most (if not all) of Archie’s comments would immediately go viral, with offended parties decrying the remarks and people losing jobs left, right, and center . . . well, mostly right.

But before you take offense at this list of zingers, consider director Norman Lear’s motivation behind creating Archie Bunker. Through Archie, Lear was able to bring up topics that many Americans considered taboo. Archie was bigoted and ignorant and overbearing, but he always got his comeuppance. The show never intended to make fun of minority groups – it intended to make fun of Archie’s limited point of view.

In letting Archie spout off his tirades, Lear presented an opportunity for those who might not have had a platform in the early 1970s – women, black men, homosexuals – to challenge Archie’s closed-minded ideas. Consider this: forty-some-odd years before Caitlyn Jenner became big news, Lear covered the transgender controversy with his All in the Family viewers (see it here).

So, as you revisit Archie’s bits of “wisdom,” keep in mind that they meant for more good than harm.

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10 Archie Bunker on Equal Rights for Women

When the Bunker’s neighbor Irene Lorenzo complains that she’s not earning the same pay as her male counterparts, even though she’s doing the same work, Archie tries to help her understand:

“After all, it’s a well-known fact that men are worth more than women.” He backs up his logical with, “In the Bible it says God made man in his own image. He made women after, from a cheaper cut.”
When he learns that Irene is making $5.50/hour – the same wage he is earning – Archie is beside himself.
“Equality is unfair… What’s the point of a man working hard all his life, trying to get someplace, if all he’s gonna do is wind up equal?!”

9 Archie Bunker On Racial Equality

Archie does not want the Jeffersons, a black family, to move to his neighborhood. Daughter Gloria and son-in-law Mike call him out on it, calling him “crooked.”

Archie explains that he’s just “looking out for No. 1,” which makes Mr. Jefferson “No. 2.” Gloria challenges Archie’s logic with, “I suppose the Puerto Ricans are No. 3 then…” to which Archie quickly replies, “Well, no, not necessarily little girl, your Puerto Ricans could be 4. Your Japs and your Chinks could be 3… 3A, 3B.”

8 Archie Bunker On Vegetarianism

Archie is upset that meat prices have risen eight percent. Gloria suggests the family consider becoming vegetarian, “It’d be cheaper… and healthier.”

Archie wants no part of it. “It ain’t natural. Man was put on this earth to eat meat.” When Mike challenges it, Archie explains, “The Bible says so… all of them old Bible people. They was always eatin’ meat, as soon as they found out eatin’ apples was wrong… It’s true. On special occasions, goats, lambs… whoever heard of sacrificing a head of lettuce?”

7 Archie Bunker On The American Melting Pot

In yet another disagreement with Mike and Gloria, Archie offers up his very own American history lesson, reflecting on the beauty of Lady Liberty standing in the harbor with her torch, screaming out to all the nations in the world:

“‘Send me your poor, your deadbeats, your filthy…’ And all the nations sent them in here – they come swarming in like ants: the Spanish P.R.s from the Caribbean, your Japs, your Chinamen, your Krauts and your Hebes and your English fags. All of ’em come in here, and they’re all free to live in their own separate sections where they feel safe. And they’ll bust your head if you go in there. That’s what makes America great, buddy.”

6 Archie Bunker On Slavery

“If God had meant for us all to be together, he’d a put us together. But look what he done: he put you over in Africa and put the rest of us in all the white countries.”
“Well you must have told him where we were ’cause someone came and got us,” said Davis, tongue-in-cheek. “I mean, there was work for us… How could you resist? Free transportation, room, board, chains…”
“I think you’re talkin’ about slavery, there, Sammy, and I wanna tell you I was always dead-set against slavery.”

In response, Mike, Gloria, and Lionel Jefferson (a black neighbor) belt out “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.”

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5 Archie Bunker on Gun Control

Mike had a real problem with Archie giving Mike’s son a toy gun as a birthday present.

“You’re not giving Joey a toy gun for his birthday,” said Mike.
“Oh yes I am, it’s his first amendment right!” retorted Archie.
“The first amendment is the right to free speech,” Mike replied.
“Exactly! When you have a machine gun in your hand, you have the right to say whatever you want!”

Archie even appeared on his local TV channel to offer his opinion on how the right to bear arms can prevent skyjacking.

“…I could end the skyjacking tomorrow. All you gotta do is arm all your passengers…[the hijacker] ain’t gonna dare to pull out no rod. And then the airlines, they wouldn’t have to search the passengers on the ground no more. They just pass out the pistols at the beginning of the trip, and they pick ’em up again at the end. Case Closed.”

4 Archie Bunker On Cavemen

Archie is all worked up because he and Irene Lorenzo are competing for the same job. Mike reminds him that the government is pushing for more women in the workforce. And here’s what Archie has to say about that.

Archie: “It’s a crime against nature. Women was created for two things: makin’ meals and babies…. It’s true. Look at the cave women. Why d’ya think the cave women was created with short legs and fat butts?”
Mike: “I don’t know Arch, but I’m sure you got a good answer.”
Archie: “So they couldn’t run fast. So the men could catch ’em and force ’em to make the meals and the babies.”
Mike: “Well weren’t there any cave women with long legs and skinny butts that could run faster than the men?”
Archie: “Well them the men would have to bring down with a rock.”
Mike: “Now I’m startin’ to catch on. And what about the cave MEN with the short legs and fat butts that couldn’t catch any women?”
Archie: “Well they was probably your first fags.”
Mike: “I gotta get outta here. I’m arguing about cavemen with a caveman.”

3 Archie Bunker On Evolution

In response to Mike’s belief that the story of Creation is nothing but a “fairy tale,” Archie reads from the Book of Genesis about how God created man and woman.
“There it is,” he says, tapping the Bible, “in black and white. We didn’t crawl out from under no rocks, we didn’t have no tails, and we didn’t come from monkeys you atheistic pinko meathead.”

2 Archie Bunker on Black Athletes

At their first meal together, Archie and his future son-in-law discuss baseball. Mike wonders how much Archie has seen in his day, and Archie comments about how much the game has changed over the years.

“Live ball. Expansion clubs. And of course the biggest change of all: 1947… yeah, that was the year they let Jackie Robinson into the Majors. Changed the whole complexion of the game, in more ways than one.”
Mike demands to know what Archie means by that. Gloria tries to diffuse the growing tension.
“It threw the whole game outta balance lettin’ Robinson in,” continued Archie.
“So you think the inferior black race should not be given a chance against the superior white race?” demanded Mike?
“Hold it Mr. Liberal Meathead. I never said nuttin’ about your inferior black race…. It’s just the opposite, if you’d just let me finish…
“What I’m sayin’ is your coloreds, as is well-known, they run faster, they jump higher, they don’t bruise so easy. And because of their, whaddya call it, jungle heritage, they see better – it’s great for night games.”
“You know something, Mr. Bunker?” said Mike. “At first, I thought I misjudged you. And I was right: I did misjudge you. You’re a lot more ignorant than I thought.”

1 Archie Bunker on Opinions

During their very first meeting, Archie and Mike get into a debate about peaceful protests against the Vietnam War. Archie serves up his opinion but immediately shuts down Mike when he starts to offer his input.

“Let me tell you something, Mr. Stivic,” Archie tells Mike. “You are a meathead… dead from the neck up. Meat. Head.”
Mike says that now he understands Archie’s idea of a free country: Archie is free to say whatever he wants, but if anyone disagrees with him, they’re either thrown into jail or called a ‘meathead.’”

And that, dear readers, is where our nation stands today… some 44 years later. Everyone wants to be entitled to voice their opinions, but few want to entertain the opinions of others. You can’t have a conversation when only one side is allowed to speak.

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