In 1704, an American girl named Eunice Williams was abducted by Kahnawake Mohawks. When her parents found her, they thought she would be relieved at the chance to go home to her family. Instead, she refused. Life, she explained, was better with her Mohawks captors.

Eunice wasn’t the only one who felt that way. Puritan life was harsh and difficult—and even stricter than you imagined.

10 Christmas And Easter Were Banned

The Puritans who settled in America didn’t believe in celebrating Christmas—or any holiday. Anyone caught celebrating the birth, death, or resurrection of Christ was seen as a blasphemer who risked punishment.

According to the Puritans, celebrating holidays took away from the holiness of Sunday, “The Lord’s Day.” So everyone in a Puritan colony was required to keep showing up for work.

One Puritan diary recounts the tale of a troubling December day when a group of newcomers were caught outside, sinfully celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. When the governor spotted them, he yelled that, on Christmas, “there should be no gaming or reveling in the streets!”

The revelers fled into their homes. The entry ends by reassuring us that “[since that] time, nothing hath been attempted that way, at least openly.”

9 Adultery Was Punishable By Death

If you read The Scarlet Letter, you already know how strictly the Puritans frowned on adultery. Getting a scarlet “A” emblazoned on your dress, though, was actually getting off easy. When it came to adultery, Puritans followed Biblical laws, which meant that the punishment for adultery could be death.

You didn’t have to actually commit adultery to be punished, though. You would be publicly flogged if you even proposed it. One man, for example, was charged with propositioning another man’s wife on the grounds that he was “taking hold of her coate and inticing her by words.”

Women, of course, had the worst of it. They could even be charged for not responding properly while being sexually assaulted. Legal records tell us that one woman was charged 50 shillings for the crime of “not crying out when shee was assaulted.”

8 A Man Was Hanged For Bestiality Because A Piglet Looked Like Him

George Spencer was a balding, unattractive man with a missing eye. He wasn’t popular, either. The whole town thought he was up to something but just couldn’t put their finger on it until a pig gave birth to a piglet with one eye.

The one-eyed piglet, the people felt, was “incontrovertible proof” that Spencer had been having sex with pigs. This, they believed, was a divine message from God, who wanted them to hang Spencer.

Spencer was given two choices. He could be hanged as a sinner, or he could confess and find mercy. He decided to tell them he did it, believing that “mercy” meant he wouldn’t be killed. But they were talking about the sort of divine mercy that only comes after an angry mob kills you.

In court, he revoked his confession. But the court found him guilty anyway. Spencer was hanged, and even the pig was sentenced to death.

7 Following Other Faiths Was Punishable By Death

The Puritan colonies didn’t allow other faiths, especially the Quaker faith. Like Puritans, Quakers were Christians who believed in Jesus and the Bible. But Quakers had the gall to say that God’s original blessing was more important than man’s original sin. So obviously, they had to die.

In 1658, a law was created in Boston saying that any Quaker who did not immediately leave could be sentenced to death. Over a period of three years, four Quakers were executed.

The mass murder of Quakers only slowed down after the death of Mary Dyer. She was raised a Puritan but converted to the Quaker faith after a visit to England. She was warned never to set foot in Massachusetts again. When she did, she was hanged.

After Dyer’s execution, King Charles II revoked the legal permission that Massachusetts had been granted to murder Quakers.

6 They Took The Word ‘Cock’ Out Of The Language

The word “rooster” didn’t exist until the Puritans came to America. Until the 1600s, the only word used to describe a male chicken was “cock.” When “cock” picked up a second meaning, the Puritans were embarrassed.

It seemed indecent to have a cock on your farm or to serve cock for dinner. So the word “rooster” was created so that Puritans wouldn’t have to say something that sounded like male genitalia.

They didn’t stop there, though. Every instance of the word “cock” was excised from the English language. “Haycocks” became “haystacks,” “weathercocks” became “weather vanes,” and “cockroaches” became “roaches.”

Even names were changed. Louisa May Alcott, the author of Little Women, was an “Alcox” until her father changed their family name. He was humiliated to be the family of “all cocks.”

5 They Gave Their Kids Insane Names

Some Puritans believed that giving your child a normal name was worldly and sinful. No one with a name like “John” or “Peter,” they believed, could ever be truly devoted to Jesus Christ.

When the time came to name their children, the Puritans just labeled their kids with slogans. Puritans had some strange names like “Praise-God Barebone” and his son, “If-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barebone.”

Even the short names were fairly strange. Kids walked around with names like “Sorry-For-Sin Coupard” and “Kill-Sin Pimple.”

Most Puritan names that came from virtues and slogans didn’t really catch on. Nevertheless, we still use a few Puritan names today. Any current “Felicity,” “Hope,” or “Prudence” was named following the same tradition that gave us the name “Abstinence.”

4 Fiddles Were Created By Satan To Make People Commit The Sin Of Dancing

According to the Puritans, the violin was a tool of the devil, created to lead innocent Christians into the sinful act of dancing. In a Puritan colony, dancing was immoral, especially dancing with the opposite sex. These were acts of raw, physical sexuality, and they risked enticing people into fornication.

However, the young people knew that other colonies were holding shameless hoedowns before the light of God without the slightest apology. They wanted the freedom to dance, too. So they created a clever work-around.

Young Puritans held “play-parties”—celebrations where young people would follow the steps in a children’s game to music so that they technically weren’t dancing. Songs like “Skip to My Lou” were written so that Puritan boys and girls could dance together—and tell their parents they were playing a kids’ game.

3 Unmarried Men Needed Permission To Enter A Town

Unmarried men were dangerous to a Puritan colony. If a man reached maturity without having a family, he was prone to drinking, gambling, and fornication. So single men could only enter a town with express written permission.

Almost every hobby that didn’t honor God was forbidden. Anyone caught adorning their shirt with laces or ruffs was seen as an excessive follower of vanity. If you were caught with a deck of cards or dice, you had to throw them away or face punishment.

Some recreation was permitted but with strict rules. Bars could sell alcohol. But they had to make sure nobody got drunk from it, and they had to close by 9:00 PM. You could go hunting, which was a way to feed your family. But to the Puritans, it was also classified as a recreational luxury.

2 Missing Church Was Punishable By Whipping

During every church service in Virginia, parishioners were reminded that they were required to attend church twice every day. If they missed it once, they would lose a day’s food. A second offense was met with a whipping, and anyone missing three days of church was sentenced to six months of rowing in a galley.

After a long voyage at sea, one man was so excited to see his family again that he kissed his wife in public—forgetting that it was Sunday. For his crime, he was charged with “lewd and unseemly behavior” and sentenced to hours of public humiliation in the stocks.

Even children were punished for not going to church. One boy was caught playing with chalk and brought in front of a court on charges of “irreverently . . . playing and recreating himself in the time of publick worship.”

1 Kissing The Bible Was Considered Blasphemy

Puritans took offense at anyone caught kissing The Holy Bible, believing that it was an act of idolatry that offended God.

Usually, that didn’t create a problem until Edmund Andros, who wasn’t a Puritan, was made governor general of New England. Andros declared that witnesses and jurors should kiss the Bible before swearing an oath in court. The Puritans were outraged.

People arranged protests by refusing to sit on juries or serve as witnesses in court on the grounds that they refused to step into a courtroom with such blasphemous rules. Andros’s rule—along with his other restrictive laws—aroused such fury in the colonists that there was an all-out revolt in Boston in 1689.

The Puritans won. Today, every American in a courtroom raises their right hand when they swear an oath—a legacy of Puritan beliefs that we still follow.

+ Further Reading

Given the historic events unfolding daily in the current presidential election, it seems fitting to spend a little time looking at more historic US lists. Here are but a few from the archives:

10 Conspiracy Theories That Helped Shape American History
10 Things You Didn’t Know About The Puritans
10 Surprising Facts About America’s First Book
10 Strange Examples Of Colonial Justice

While most of us are familiar with, and enjoy watching, the summer and winter Olympics, fewer people are familiar with an event held by the Aleut and Inuit people of Canada and Alaska. For generations, various organizations made up of these northern tribes have held competitions, such as the World Eskimo-Indian Olympics (WEIO), where contestants engage in various athletic activities, many of which might seem quite bizarre to outsiders.

10The Ear Pull

Think of a game of tug-of-war—except, in this version, the cord that goes between you and your opponent is attached to your ears.

Specifically, the two athletes must be seated and facing each other with legs intertwined. After a thick loop of string is lassoed around both sets of ears, they must wait for a signal. Then, they must lean backward in an effort to make the other competitor experience such excruciating pain that they give up. With each pull, however, the string becomes tighter and tighter around each of the athletes’ ears, resulting in distressed expressions, discolored ears, visits to the hospital for stitches, and, in some cases, ears being pulled clear off.

While this game is no doubt fascinating (and painful to watch), the roots of the ear pull are based on skills that men and women in such brutal climates would need, as a balance of strength, control, and endurance is required in order to win. When asked about the purpose of the game, the chairman of the WEIO noted, “To endure pain. Some of the stuff that we do when you’re trying to survive out in the wild, or out in the ice, and you’re a long way from home and you hurt yourself, you have to be able to endure that pain until help comes.”

9The Two-Footed High Kick

Combining athletic prowess and grace, an athlete in this competition must leap from a standing or running position (depending on the rules of the particular competition) and, keeping feet parallel, jump as high as he or she can muster to kick a sealskin ball held up by string, usually suspended up to 2.5 meters (8 ft) in the air. If that sounds hard, keep in mind that they must also land back on their feet with each foot touching the ground simultaneously. This game is a variation of the similar one-foot high kick event, albeit harder.

Based in Alaskan tradition, this game is rooted in the age-old practice of a hunter returning to the coastal whaling village from an excursion and jumping in the air in sight of the villagers. According to the head official for the WEIO, the type of jump would alert the village as to the success that the hunting party had enjoyed and, if fruitful, to come help with the catch.

In 1965, Nicole Johnston set the unbroken record of 198 centimeters (6 ft, 6 in) for the women’s competition. The men’s competition record, astonishingly, is a whopping 264 centimeters (8 ft, 8 in).

8The Blanket Toss

If you want to play this game, here is what you have to do: Gather up some teammates, buy a blanket made from walrus skins, have them repeatedly fling you into the air from the blanket, and show off your athletic skills by performing gymnastic maneuvers while airborne.

While it is easy to miss the blanket and crash onto the ground when engaging in this game, many Inuits and Aleuts have mastered the skill, but none so prominently as Reggie Joule. The winner of 10 gold medals at the WEIO, he perfected the art, even performing back flips while propelled into the air. It was he who brought the game to public awareness, as he went on the road and ended up demonstrating the blanket toss on The Tonight Show, The Today Show, and even at the Smithsonian Institute.

The origins of this gymnastic event are believed by some to have been a technique hunters used to spot game, as one with good eyesight would be thrown into the air—sometimes up to 10 meters (33 ft)—in an effort to spot an animal on the flat terrain.

7The Knuckle (Seal) Hop

In another game that tests the strength and endurance of contestants, the participant must get in a push-up position. With his back straight, elbows bent, and supporting himself on only his toes and knuckles, he must then lunge forward—careful to hold that position. With wrists and ankles locked, the goal of the game is to propel oneself into the air while making sure to lift the hands and feet simultaneously off the ground.

Repeatedly springing forward mere inches off the floor, the rules in this hop for glory prohibit any body part from touching the ground other than the toes and knuckles. The competitor’s back also must not fall lower than the plane of their elbows. The winner in this difficult competition is the athlete who has hopped the greatest distance.

While completing this game is hard enough on the arena floor where it is commonly held, traditionally, it was played inside a rudimentary hut or community center and even outside at times.

6The Four-Man Carry

People generally get carried away when engaging in this event—literally. In what ends up being a sort of levitating group hug, four men must wrap their bodies over the fifth, the competitor, who must then walk as far as he can. With each man generally weighing in around 70 kilograms (150 lb), that means that the athlete carries around 270 kilograms (600 lb) during the game.

In a game that tests your muscles, joints, back, and spine like no other, the previous world record of 57 meters (187 ft) set in 1997 was crushed during the WEIO held at the Carlson Center in Fairbanks in July 2014, when Matthew Sido Evans reached a whopping 73.6 meters (241 ft, 8 in) before finally buckling under the tremendous weight.

This practical event has its origins in the common Alaskan task of carrying meat, ice, or wood long distances back to the village.

5The Indian Stick Pull

In the life of an Inuit or Aleut fisherman, having the strength, balance, and grip to catch a fish was a prized skill.

With roots based in this ancient practice, the Indian stick pull was developed, although the object in this event is not a fish, but a stick 30.5 centimeters (1 ft) long and 3.8 centimeters (1.5 in) wide tapered on both ends. To make it trickier to hold, the stick is greased. To make it even trickier than that, another contestant has his grip on the other end of the stick, using all his strength to pull it out of your hand. Thus are the complexities of this entertaining game, where no jerks or twists are allowed, and the winner is the one who wins two out of three matches.

In a similar event, the Eskimo stick pull, two athletes must also attempt to win the stick, although this is done in a sitting position with their feet pressed together and knees bent.

4The Arm Pull

In this full contact wrestle of sorts, two contestants must face each other and cross their legs over their opponent’s opposite leg. With arms locked at the elbows, the two athletes must then begin pulling on each other, using their legs, arms, and core muscles to weaken their opponent and collapse them.

Pushing down on the opposing contestant’s foot is just one of the techniques used in this game of brute strength. Describing what it takes to win, former men’s title holder Chris Jerue says, “You’re trying to get it done as quick as you can; it’s very stressful. The longer it takes, the more chance you have of pulling your arm muscle. You try to keep it locked, lean back, and use a lot of back if you can.” The winner is the athlete who wins two out of three matches.

With roots in Alaskan fishing methods, the game simulates the effort, strength, and stamina needed to bring a seal or other quarry out of a hole cut in the ice.

3Drop The Bomb

When someone drops the bomb at a WEIO event, the connotations are a little different than if the same phrase is spoken elsewhere.

The bomb, in this game, is the contestant, who must lie rigidly on the floor with his arms straight out. Three spotters must hold him by his wrists and ankles and lift him 30 centimeters (1 ft) above the ground before proceeding to walk at a speed decided on by an official on the floor. The goal of this game is for the athlete to keep his body as tense and rigid as possible, for at the moment that his body sags, he is said to have dropped the bomb, and his run is over.

Participants in this strength testing event are awarded if they refrain from sagging for the longest time and distance. Many athletes can commonly be carried over 30 meters (100 ft) before dropping the bomb, such as 2013 men’s champion Mikkel Andersen from Greenland, who endured for 33.2 meters (109 ft).

2The One-Hand Reach

You have to admire the athletes who compete in this difficult, yet fascinating, event that requires total concentration, balance, coordination, and muscular strength.

Balancing yourself on only your hands, with one elbow underneath your abdomen, you must keep your entire body above the floor while reaching one hand up to touch an object that’s been suspended, and then placing it back down on the ground without falling over. The higher you can reach to touch the target, all without tumbling off your palms or fingertips, the better your chances of winning the competition.

But be careful—upon establishing the height of the target during the first round, it will be raised 2.5 centimeters (1 in) per round, until you can’t reach it anymore. Also, you only have three shots at striking the target; after three tries, you are eliminated from the competition, even if you’ve kept yourself perfectly balanced and parallel to the floor.

1The Ear Weight

If you think the ear pull is hard, just picture this: Attach a weight or sack of flour weighing from 7–11 kilograms (16–25 lb) to a piece of twine, and then tie the twine around your ear. One of the rules is that you can’t use your cheek. So, lifting your head straight up, walk as far as you can. That’s right—walk until the tension in your neck is too horrible to bear, or the pain in your face is so intense that you can barely breathe, or just until your ear rips off. Believe it or not, quite a few competitors have managed distances of over 600 meters (2,000 ft) while competing in the ear weight.

While events like the ear weight certainly rank near the top of our list of games with the highest pain index, many events combine a need for agility, coordination, strength, and athletic prowess, and thus also deserve to be on our list as honorable mentions. Games like the back push (wrestling using only your back), the caribou fight (wrestling caribou-style), the seal-skinning competition (self-explanatory), the finger pull (tug-of-war using only fingers), and many others are also featured in the fascinating and difficult athletic games of the North.

I am an up-and-coming author that has written poems, screenplays, magazine articles, scripts for videos, and a comedy-adventure novel for kids.

Cats may hold the top position in our hearts, but some of them also hold very real job titles. Dogs may be more accommodating to their bosses (and owners), but cats have nonetheless received stellar performance reviews throughout the centuries.

The famous feline attitude simply indicates that they do it for the love of the job, not for treats or recognition. Here are 10 cats that have performed important, unusual, or adorable jobs.

10 Unbelievable Things We Have Made Out Of Cats

10 Chief Mouser To The Cabinet Office

Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office is a very prestigious position at 10 Downing Street, the official residence of Britain’s Prime Minister. The Chief Mouser title is currently held by Larry, who was recruited from the Battersea Dogs & Cats Home for his mousing resume. He even has an entry on the official British government website.^[1]

The position began during the reign of Henry VIII, but records only exist from 1929 onward. Occasionally, the office has been empty for long periods of time when mice have wisely not caused trouble. The cat that held the title the longest was Wilberforce, who served under Prime Ministers Edward Heath, Harold Wilson, Jim Callaghan, and Margaret Thatcher.

9 Mail Carriers

In 1876, the Belgian city of Liege decided that the most efficient way to transport the mail was via cat. The Belgian Society for the Elevation of the Domestic Cat trained 37 volunteers to deliver letters sealed in waterproof pouches tied around their necks. One enterprising individual delivered its mail in about five hours, but the others took up to 24.^[2]

On March 4, 1876, The New York Times reported, “It is believed that, unless the criminal class of dogs undertakes to waylay and rob the mail-cats, the messages will be delivered with rapidity and safety.” The experiment was promptly discontinued.

8 Ship’s Cat

Felines adapt easily to their surroundings. They are excellent at catching mice that bite through important ropes and food stores. This makes cats perfect for life on a ship.

Several cats have been decorated for their naval service. In 1941, “Unsinkable Sam” started out on the German dreadnought Bismarck and was found on the wreckage of the sunken ship by the HMS Cossack. After the Cossack was torpedoed, Sam was transferred to the HMS Ark Royal, which was also torpedoed. He then rightfully retired from military service.^[3]

Pooli, another World War II cat, was awarded three service ribbons and four battle stars for her work on an attack transport. In 1949, Simon protected the stores of the British HMS Amethyst during a 101-day siege. He is the only cat to be awarded Britain’s Dickin Medal and was buried with full military honors.

7 CIA Informants

In the 1960s, the Central Intelligence Agency attempted to train cats to spy on Soviet embassies. The program, Project Acoustic Kitty, funded operations to implant microphones, transmitters, and antennae into cat’s bodies to secretly record conversations. The cats were then trained to follow orders, which proved to be much harder.^[4]

In the first mission, a female cat was taken to a public park and told to record a conversation between two men on a nearby park bench. While crossing the road, she was hit by a taxi and killed instantly. The CIA concluded that the project was “not practical.”

6 Astronaut

By 1961, the French space program had successfully launched rats into Earth’s atmosphere. Then they decided it was time to go bigger. What better animal to follow rats than cats?

Fourteen feline candidates were selected for training, which involved a compression chamber, spinning in a high g-force centrifuge, and exposure to rocket noises. During a 10-hour surgery, electrodes were implanted in the selected cat’s brain so the crew could measure its biological responses during the flight.

On October 18, 1963, a tuxedo cat named Felicette was launched in the nose cone of a Veronique AG1. She flew almost 161 kilometers (100 mi) above the Earth, briefly experienced weightlessness, and safely returned via parachute. She is the only cat to survive a space flight.^[5]

10 Fantastic Little-Known Felines

5 Composer

In 1996, Rabbi Moshe Cotel was sitting at his baby grand piano when Ketzel (“cat” in Yiddish) jumped onto the keyboard. She landed on the treble and walked down toward the bass. Cotel, who was chairman of the composition department of Peabody Conservatory, grabbed a pencil and transcribed the notes.^[6]

A year later, he heard that the Paris New Music Review was hosting a competition for songs under 60 seconds. He entered Ketzel’s song, which was titled “Piece for Piano: Four Paws.”

The judges, who were not told the title or composer, awarded it an honorable mention. When the piece was performed at the Museum of the City of New York, Ketzel was sitting in the audience and gave a loud meow at the announcement of his name.

4 Mayor

Talkeetna, a small town of about 900 people near Denali National Park, had a very unusual mayor: Stubbs, a ginger cat. He came to power in 1998. As the town is a historic district, the role is more symbolic than functional. His mayoral duties included patrolling the town, drinking catnip-infused water every afternoon at West Rib Cafe & Pub, and taking visitors in his “office” at Nagley’s General Store.^[7]

But even cats have political opponents. In 2013, Stubbs was brutally attacked by a dog. His lifesaving operation was funded by donations from hundreds of well-wishers around the globe.

Stubbs soon used this positive press to make a failed bid for the 2014 Alaska Senate race. He died peacefully of old age at his home in 2017. No word yet on who will fill the power vacuum.

3 Customs Officer

In 2002, a Siamese cat wandered into a customs checkpoint in Stavropol, Russia. He was adopted by the guards and soon took on the duty of searching vehicles for illegally smuggled Caspian Sea caviar.

“One day, Rusik just leapt into the boot of a passing car at the checkpoint and immediately sniffed out some sturgeon,” police officer Sergei Kovalenko said. “After that, we decided to use him all the time in our searches.”^[8]

No matter how ingenious a hiding spot the smugglers (often mafia) created, Rusik could sniff them out. After he spent less than a year on the job and put the sniffer dogs out of work, it was clear that the cat was a formidable weapon against sturgeon smuggling.

In 2003, he was run over by a car that he had previously busted for smuggling caviar—a move that many believe was a mafia-ordered contract killing. Rusik was simply too good at his job to live.

2 Assistant Librarian

When a striped cat named Kuzya showed up at the Novorossiysk children’s library in 2013, the staff just couldn’t resist letting him in. But for Kuzya to be allowed in the library, he had to be made an official employee. Unfortunately, the Russian government was cracking down on undocumented workers, so no human—or feline—could be hired without the proper paperwork.

The library staff was undeterred. They acquired an animal passport, and Novorossiysk’s head librarian signed a special order that made Kuzya an official library assistant. His wages are 30 cans of Whiskas cat food a month, and he must show up to work in a uniform (a bow tie).^[9]

1 Actor

For as long as there has been cinema, there have been movie star cats. However, as the felines are notoriously hard to train, dogs are more popular as costars.

Some cats that have graced the silver screen include Orangey in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961), Syn Cat as “Tao” in The Incredible Journey (1963), Ted Nude-Gent as “Mr. Bigglesworth” in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997), Crackerjack and Pumpkin as “Crookshanks” in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), and Tonic and Leo as “Church” in Pet Sematary (2019).

The PATSY (Picture Animal Top Star of the Year) Awards recognize animal excellence in film. Cats, which are notoriously hard to work with due to their Hollywood personalities, have nonetheless managed to snag quite a few nods.^[10]

10 Weird Ways Cats Have Been Venerated Through History

About The Author: Jackie Mead is a museum educator by day and a writer by night. Her work has appeared on Cracked, HistoryisNow, and History Magazine.

Nowadays, if Jennifer Lawrence suggested that dragons are real and live in a secret kingdom beneath Tulsa, Oklahoma, nobody would really bat an eye. Some might even agree: #smaugisundertulsa #jlawmotherofdragons

Celebrity culture seems so broken that possessing wacky, easily debunked, and even dangerous ideologies or cultish beliefs could now be considered a prerequisite for being a celeb. Once upon a time, the public was willing to pay to simply watch or listen to the amazing things that celebrities did. Sometimes, we even bought their wares.

Oh, they can still be put on the same sort of pedestals now, but they also have to be total weirdos who must broadcast their peculiarities. Without the weirdo angle, such individuals are merely “successful people.”

As a follow-up to this great list, 10 Bizarre Beliefs Held By Top Celebrities, here are 10 more celebs and the odd things they believe.

10 Celebrities With Surprising Connections To Horrific Murders

10 Lady Gaga Gets Her Ideas From . . . Within

According to famed gynecologist and part-time, award-winning pop star Lady Gaga, her creativity is housed in vaginal juices.

The “Born This Way” singer believes that women are indeed born differently from what all the relevant science suggests. But don’t simply dismiss her as a pseudoscientific nutjob. Her worry that engaging in sexual activity robs her of her creative inspiration (via her vagina) has, she claims, kept her “perpetually lonely.”

Lady Gaga seems to be locked into her theory. Frankly, one cannot help but feel sorry for her. Unless she’s right. In which case, Evian should drop their water-based model and start bottling up women’s va . . . we can’t even finish that sentence.^[1]

9 Missy Elliott And Black Cats

Plenty of people hold illogical superstitions. Some of these beliefs have seemingly practical uses—don’t cross people on the stairs (so you avoid getting bumped over the banister and breaking your neck) and don’t walk below a ladder (so you can avoid falling tools dropped by whomever is atop the ladder).^[2]

Black cats crossing your path is a bit weirder. We can point to folkloric underpinnings—allusions can be made to witches’ familiars and the devil. But what makes this superstition so weird in Missy Elliott’s case? She admits that “people think you’re crazy” for adhering to it.

She still suggests that even seeing a black cat will cause her to replan her whole day to avoid whatever consequences are linked to a cat crossing your path. She knows this is nuts but doesn’t care.

8 Kyrie Irving Is (Kinda) A Flat-Earther

Despite pulling back a bit on his initial flat Earth claims, NBA star Kyrie Irving doesn’t limit his beliefs to the ones he derived from watching too much History Channel.

Irving also considers it possible that the Federal Reserve Bank ordered the hit on JFK and that the CIA orchestrated the murder of Bob Marley. Still, if Irving helps the Brooklyn Nets to a playoff spot, fans probably won’t care if he suggests that Oprah and Cap’n Crunch conspired to take over Venezuela on behalf of the Nazi colony on the dark side of the Moon.^[3]

7 M.I.A. Thinks Google and Facebook Are Controlled By World Governments

Aren’t these companies evil enough in and of themselves? Sure, these corporations often work in conjunction with governmental bodies given the role the firms play in public discourse and data gathering. But controlled directly by world governments all while fronting as powerful corporations? Too convoluted.

This is another face of the “New World Order” conspiracy. It suggests that a small cabal of people are trying to bring about a single world government and run it as a dictatorship.

The problem with this?

Along with the near-total lack of corroborating evidence, the theory doesn’t really hang together by its own internal logic. The more exposure it gets, the more individuals, companies, organizations and governments are implicated in it.

That sounds more like a general consensus than a “cabal.” But let’s give the devil its due for a moment. If M.I.A. is right that the CIA created Google and Facebook to spy on the users or control their minds, there is an easy fix. Don’t use them. Easier said than done? Not really. Just don’t log on. Still, “Paper Planes” is a hell of a jam.^[4]

6 Randy Quaid Thinks Hollywood Is Trying To Kill Him

Randy, Randy, Randy. Okay, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Let’s concede that there is indeed a shady cabal of individuals who are hiring assassins to prey upon Hollywood’s brightest stars and systematically bump them off to . . . well, it doesn’t really matter, let’s just give him that.^[5]

Why him? Why Randy Quaid? And how is he privy to the knowledge that he is on the list? Was he once one of their number—an assassin perhaps? An agent? Is Randy Quaid really John Wick? Randy, Randy, Randy.

Top 10 Celebrities Who Lived Double Lives

5 Former Sugababe Mutya Buena Adds A Conspiracy Theory To Another Conspiracy Theory

Remember when boy bands sang and made their young female fans scream and cry with joy? Remember when girl bands pumped out hits that we could all dance to? Not anymore!

When you consider that a former boy band member suggests that a strange political conspiracy theory is real, it’s mildly amusing at best and mildly alarming tabloid fodder at worst. When a former girl band member then adds a new conspiracy theory to justify the claim, we’ve entered peak idiocracy.

Mutya Buena added fuel to the minor media firestorm created by ex–Take That star Robbie Williams when he claimed that the notorious American “Pizzagate” conspiracy was real.

How did she do it?

Well, Buena told the world that the COVID-19 pandemic was a smoke screen invented by whomever runs the world to distract from the fact that Hillary Clinton was on trial for cutting off a young child’s face at a Washington, DC, pizza parlor. Oh, and Buena stated that Obama was involved, too. And Bill Clinton. And Oprah.^[6]

2020, folks. 2020. Let’s hope that 2021 is the year the celebs shut up.

4 Alicia Silverstone Thinks The Birds Have The Right Idea

Maybe it isn’t advisable to spit a gob of mushed-up fava beans into a toddler’s mouth. However, some Hollywood stars, like Alicia Silverstone, would disagree. In Silverstone’s defense, Mayim Bialik, Hollywood’s resident super genius, also used this strange practice with her kids.

They considered it beneficial to chew their kids’ food first and then spit it into the youngsters’ mouths. If it’s good enough for birds, it must be good for us, right?^[7]

Humans are mammals. We are not birds. Still, are these two sentences a cogent rebuttal to this practice? Not really. Silverstone and Bialik can do whatever they want.

It is a bit odd, though. There’s no clear benefit other than allowing your babies to ingest hard-to-swallow foods that the kids otherwise don’t need until they develop teeth. So, weird and pointless? Yup. The work of the devil? Hardly.

3 Rob Lowe Believes He Was Nearly Killed By Bigfoot

Rob Lowe is a legend. He also thinks that he was nearly murdered by a legend. During a shoot for his documentary series, The Lowe Files, he and his crew trekked deep into the wilderness of the Ozark Mountains in search of a cryptid that the locals had dubbed a “wood ape.”

Despite commenting that he was “fully aware” that he sounded like a “Hollywood kook,” Lowe swore that he and his crew were threatened by the unseen legendary beast at their remote camp.^[8]

Given that 2020 is officially “The Year The Earth Went Nuts,” Rob Lowe needs to return to the great American wilderness. He must find the elusive race of giant hominids and either be an ambassador to them—normalizing relations and maybe forging a trade deal—or challenge one of their number to a death match using 1950s biker gang weapons like pipe wrenches and lengths of chain.

2 Alice Walker Praised David Icke’s Theory That Lizard People Rule The World

Former professional soccer player and sportscaster David Icke has peddled outlandish conspiracy theories for years—ever since he essentially proclaimed himself to be the messiah on the Wogan TV show in 1991. Icke’s general worldview states that an underground cabal of shape-shifting reptilian-human hybrids are orchestrating major world events to enact a nefarious plan for world domination . . . and venerable author Alice Walker agrees.^[9]

Apparently, these reptilian beings can be swapped out for “Zionists,” the real enemies of freedom according to Icke and his acolytes. This is where Alice Walker agrees with Icke. Once again, it’s all about the Jews! The current reemergence of anti-Semitism seems so telegraphed and prosaic that it never fails to dumbfound reasonable people who still hold enlightenment values. And yet . . . 

For an author whose lifework is the complex discussion of the historic plight of her people, it is incredibly sad that she should so easily fall into wholesale blame of another group, let alone a people who have been so systematically maligned and persecuted (and who continue to suffer the scourge of anti-Semitism today).

1 Terrence Howard Thinks Mathematics Is Wrong

How do we know that 1 + 1 = 2 (or maybe 1 by Terrence logic)? Because we were told at school? Suckers! Empire star Terrence Howard has a new lesson for all you sheeple out there.

Math. Is. All. Wrong!

If you follow the logic of “Terryology,” then 1 x 1 = 2. Yes, that’s right. 2! You want proof? Take it away, Terrence.

“How can it equal one?” he asks. “If one times one equals one, that means that two is of no value because one times itself has no effect. One times one equals two because the square root of four is two. So, what’s the square root of two? Should be one. But we’re told it’s two, and that cannot be”.^[10]

Get it? No? Well, maybe you need to seek a degree in Terryology. From Howard University. Excelsior!

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About The Author: CJ Phillips is a storyteller, actor, and writer living in rural West Wales. He is a little obsessed with lists.

We know that the geography of a country has a huge role to play in its social and economic progress. Quite a few regions around the world have always been relatively better-off than others due to the inherent advantages afforded by their starting position on the map—like arable land and natural borders. It’s not really difficult to prove, either; just look at Switzerland.

What most people don’t realize, though, is that the converse is true, too. Geography plays an equally important role in holding a region back, though that’s usually attributed to bad politics or cultural differences. While those factors may play a prominent role, too, they’re not enough to explain how so many countries around the world are still dealing with the same logistical and economic problems they’ve always had. It all makes sense, however, as soon as you take a good look at their map.

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10 Russia

Russia has so many problems with its geography that we don’t even know where to start. The most obvious one is its absolutely humongous size. While on one hand, it makes the country almost impossible to invade, on the other, it makes transportation and trade a nightmare. That’s the reason Russia was one of the last European powers to be fully industrialized..

Another problem is Russia’s connection to the oceans. Because of being located in what is mostly a frozen wasteland, most of Russia’s important ports are frozen for several months in a year. Its largest port in the Pacific—Vladivostok—is trapped by the Sea of Japan, which is almost-entirely controlled by Japan. This means that Russia has no major port that’s functional for trade throughout the year, which is why it has never been able to expand its naval influence beyond its immediate borders.^[1]

9 Australia

Australia is—by all measures—a prosperous and developed nation, though that’s despite its geographical features, not because of them. It’s much more obvious if you look at its population-density map, though just the general map would do, too. Australia is perhaps the only nation that is almost entirely uninhabited, as most of its population lives in moderately-populated urban centres of south and south-east Australia. Other than that, the country is full of absolutely inhospitable places in a variety of terrains—from dry desert to tropical forests.

The vast majority of it is arid, which creates a number of problems for its government. Most pressingly, the entire region is quickly running out of water, as many places are currently facing a drought. Moreover, even the urban centres like Sydney and Melbourne are now receiving fewer rains than usual, which is saying something in what is already the world’s driest continent.^[2]

8 Indonesia

Indonesia’s geography is unlike any other country, and that’s not an exxageration. By definition, it’s an archipelago, though that barely begins to explain what it really is. Indonesia is—by far—the largest archipelago nation in the world, made up of over 18,000 scattered islands of vastly varying sizes. While some are barely a few miles across in size, the largest ones are comparable to islands like New Guinea and Borneo.

The vast distance between Indonesia’s islands has proved to be a major challenge for the country’s progress. Throughout its history, Indonesian kingdoms have had to wait for the development of maritime technologies to do the same thing as their counterparts in—say—Europe or Asia. It also poses a challenge of identity, as it’s still almost impossible to unite the various people and cultures found across its territory into one single national identity. Its islands are also why a great naval power like Britain was easily able to colonize the country.

Additionally, Indonesia’s proximity to the Pacific Ring of fire makes the country particularly prone to natural disasters. It’s home to 136 volcanoes, out of which 61 have erupted since 1900. The tectonic activity in the region is so high that the country experiences an earthquake of magnitude 5.0 or lower almost every day!^[3][4]

7 Egypt

Most people would say that Egypt’s geography has actually been its biggest lifeline, and they’d be correct. One of the cradles of civilization, the fertile plains of the Nile delta have provided Egypt with an inherent advantage over other countries.

All of that, however, is in the past, or more specifically, before the construction of the Suez Canal. Built in 1868, the canal is an artificial sea corridor linking the Meditarraenan and Red seas, as before that, European trade ships had to go all the way around the entire African continent to get to Asia. It was definitely good for business, but not that great for political stability in Egypt.

Since its construction, the country has been at the centre of quite a few major conflicts directly related to its control of the canal; from the Suez Crisis of 1956 to the Arab-Israel War of 1967. Even today, unfettered access to the canal is a major political issue in the region.^[5]

6 Pakistan

While it’s a bit unfair to say that Pakistan has always had a geography problem—as the country only came into existence a bit over seventy years ago—it definitely does now. You don’t even need to put in extensive research to know why; just take a look at its map.

Almost all of Pakistan’s cities are located near the border, and if that doesn’t sound that bad, consider that Pakistan has been at an informal state of war with its neighbor India since its inception in 1947. Moreover, the entire Pakistan-India border—save for the northern, mountainous part—is little more than plain, open ground, which is almost impossible to defend in case of a full-scale invasion. It’s not a hypothetical case, either, as India has actually been able to make its way to within striking distance of Pakistan’s largest city—Lahore—in their 1965 war.^[6]

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5 The Netherlands

The Netherlands is one of a small number of European nations to set up a vast colonial empire, even if it was short-lived. It’s in stark contrast to most entries on this list, too, as it’s a developed and prosperous nation in all aspects. Again, though, that’s only because it has been so good at overcoming its geographical challenges.

Simply put, the Netherlands is a bit…low. Almost one-third of the entire country lies below sea level, which has proven to be a rather expensive problem to solve throughout the its history. The entire country is full of structures—like artificial sand dunes, artificially flooded marshes and pumps—meant to keep the water out. As you can guess, it takes a huge part of the government’s budget, a problem that’s would get worse if sea levels were to rise.^[7]

4 China

If you study China’s history, you’d notice a pattern. It’s absolutely full of internal strife and conflict, which may just be the reason that it never had time for wars going on outside (until those wars came to China, of course). The largest rebellion in history—the Taiping Rebellion—happened in China, along with quite a few other major civil wars.

Of course, China has always been one of the largest empires around, as well as one of the most densely-populated. Its geography also doesn’t help, as China is topographically divided into fertile lowlands surrounded by dry and sparsely-populated highlands. The lowlands are where most of the Han Chinese have traditionally lived, though the highlands have always been difficult to control. They acted as a buffer between China and invading tribes—especially from the north—and keeping them together has always been crucial to stability in China. Moreover, its vast territory is also home to a wide variety of cultures and ethnicities, each with their own opposing interests and cultures. And needless to say, the evils of communism don’t help.^[8]

3 Uzbekistan

As most people could guess, being landlocked creates huge problems in terms of trade, economic development and political stability. Landlocked nations have to spend a huge amount of money and political influence to get access to a port, as trading via land is ridiculously expensive and time consuming. Even then, they’re always dependent on the stability of their neighbors for trade, further diminishing their future prospects.

What’s worse is being landlocked by two countries instead of one, even if there are only two countries on that list; Uzbekistan and Liechtenstein. While the latter is surrounded by politically-stable and prosperous nations, Uzbekistan hasn’t been so lucky.

Formed in the wake of the dissolution of the Soviet Empire in 1991, Uzbekistan has to spend much more than even other landlocked countries to trade, something that has affected its economic prospects since its inception. Moreover, it’s surrounded by highly politically-unstable countries, some of which are landlocked themselves.^[9]

2 Japan

Japan has so many problems with its geography that it’s hard to focus on just one. Most famously, it lies along the Pacific Ring of Fire; a horseshoe-shaped chain of islands and volcanoes in the Pacific that’s also the most tectonically-active region in the world. That’s why earthquakes are so common across the country, to the extent that earthquake-proofing is a legal requirement for buildings in most cities.

Moreover, the country is almost-entirely made up of hills and mountains, restricting the arable area to just about 20% of the total landmass. That doesn’t just raise the costs of importing food from abroad, it also restricts the number of people that can earn a living working in the farming industry; one of the largest employers in most developed economies. On top of that, Japan is also low on minerals and other natural resources, further raising the cost of its imports.^[10]

1 The Entire African Continent

While it’s true that Africa isn’t just one country—and is, in fact, made up of many diverse regions and cultures with their own distinct identities—the entire continent suffers from the same geographical problem. Africa is, to put it simply, too long. Compared to the horizontal stretch of Eurasia—which allows domesticated crops and technologies to travel to far off places with similar conditions—Africa’s vertical make-up has always hindered its technological and developmental progress.

While that’s obviously not the only reason behind all of Africa’s problems, it’s definitely the least discussed. Because of being spread out vertically instead of horizontally, African cultures have only evolved on the east-west axis, which means that new technologies and other developments have taken longer to spread across the entire continent. To a large extent, that was the case with much of the Americas, too, though the effects there are nowhere near as pronounced as in Africa.

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