Serial killers may be worse overall, but serial pooping is nothing to sniff at. Actually, on second thought, don’t sniff. Keep your nose closed, for the people on this list are fecal-minded freaks who have befouled their communities by leaving their excrement everywhere. And we do mean everywhere: pools, car hoods, football fields, busy sidewalks, etc.

See Also: Top 10 Places With Surprising Poop Problems

These serial poopers pulled down their trousers and took a literal dump on public decency. Some have been caught and publicly shamed. Others remain smelly and elusive.

Hopefully, this list can shed the light needed to bring the mysterious serial poopers to justice. As a society, we cannot let such a scatological scourge exist—that is, unless we want the poop of strangers invading our own homes!

10 The Pool Pooper Of Michigan

It’s a hot summer day. You have worked hard and long hours so you can enjoy some time at your local pool. It’s Michigan, and such pleasures are few and fleeting. Then, without warning, a nasty brown object comes floating your way. It’s not a Baby Ruth bar.

This nightmare became a reality for the residents of Macomb County, Michigan, in summer 2019. Local news reported that an unknown serial pooper was on the loose, and he preferred to leave his natural evidence behind in a subdivision’s swimming pool.^[1]

The story all started when the board president of the Buckingham Recreational Facilities Association wrote a memo decrying the unknown individual pooping in the subdivision’s pool located near 23 Mile Road. The serial pooper’s harmful activities had already caused several pool closures and costly cleanups by the time the memo was circulated.

Fortunately for all lovers of the Buckingham Woods’ community pool, the serial pooper was caught on video defecating. A member of the community was identified and banned from the pool for the rest of the summer. The name of this delinquent has not been released to the public, which could mean that the offender is under 18.

9 Holly Malone, The Serial Pooper Of Simsbury

Holly Malone’s mug shot says it all: I’m a serial pooper, and I’m (kinda) embarrassed about it. Malone should be embarrassed. According to police in Connecticut, Malone, 43, was responsible for a string of dumps in a residential cul-de-sac during the fall and winter of 2017.

On November 7, 2017, the first selectman for the town of East Granby, Connecticut, contacted police to inform them that poop had been discovered in the middle of Kirkstone Drive. The assailant left behind toilet paper at the scene, too. Nine days later, Kirkstone Drive was once again peppered with poo. The final assault took place on December 5, 2017, but this time, security cameras caught the offender’s vehicle.^[2]

Malone was arrested in February 2018 as part of a traffic stop that had nothing to do with her bodily waste. When the serial pooper was questioned, she claimed that she kept defiling Kirkstone Road in East Granby because she could not make it home in time to use her own toilet.

Malone was taken into custody and publicly apologized for her “stupidity.” She also mentioned that she was lactose intolerant and that her mass pooping was due to her dairy allergy.

8 The Parking Lot Pooper

Believe it or not, another New England woman tried to pull the “I couldn’t make it home in time” defense to excuse her serial pooping. It did not work this time, either.

In January 2020, 51-year-old Andrea Grocer of Ashland, Massachusetts, was arrested for repeatedly leaving her dookie behind in the parking lot of the Natick Outdoor Store in Natick, Massachusetts. When the news broke, Natick police officers admitted that they had been chasing the “Parking Lot Pooper” for over a month.

At first, employees at the store thought that some animal was using their parking lot as an open-air toilet. That idea went up in stinky smoke when toilet paper was found at the scene as well.

Armed with the knowledge that the pooper was a human, a Natick police officer conducted a stakeout where they saw a 2018 Lincoln MKX SUV pull into the store’s parking lot around 7 AM. When the police officer confronted her, Grocer immediately defended her actions by stating that she suffered from irritable bowel syndrome.^[3]

This could be the case, although eyewitnesses later told police that they saw Grocer’s Lincoln SUV waiting around the area for 10 minutes before pulling into the parking lot.

Store manager Henry Kanner could not offer any idea as to why Grocer had targeted his store for her nefarious deeds. Better yet, given that Grocer worked as a live-in nanny just four blocks away from the store and her place of employment contained a fully functioning bathroom, no one is quite sure why Grocer chose to become the Parking Lot Pooper.

7 Brisbane’s Poo Jogger

Lest you think that serial pooping is an exclusively American phenomenon, the city of Brisbane, Australia, experienced a rash of serial pooping in 2018. The pooper, whose nickname in the press was the “Poo Jogger,” was unmasked as 64-year-old Andrew Douglas Macintosh. His identity was revealed thanks to a cutting-edge cyber investigation carried out by everyday Internet users.

In total, Macintosh left behind his poo at least 30 times between 2017 and 2018, and each one of these awful acts occurred in the Brisbane suburb of Greenslopes. Fed up with finding poop on their block nightly, two residents purchased a night-vision camera with motion sensors and put it up near the designating pooping spot.

The video captured several images of the serial pooper. He turned out to be a jogger who followed the same route each time. Finally, the video camera caught the Poo Jogger doing the nasty.

The jogger turned out to be Macintosh, a major executive with the Aveo Group and a member of the Inclusive Brisbane Board. Besides being well-to-do and the owner of a posh sports car, Macintosh preferred to take his dumps on the street. For this crime, he was charged with public nuisance, fined $378, and forced to leave his job.^[4]

6 The Bowel Movement Bandit

LeBron James may be the most famous son of Akron, Ohio, but he has competition in the form of an unidentified serial pooper. Between 2012 and 2015, the Akron resident known as the “Bowel Movement Bandit” left behind his doo-doo on cars and even on children’s toys. Despite capturing the bandit’s face on a time-lapse camera, Akron police are still searching for the man who terrorized their neighborhoods for so long.

The resident who set up the camera that caught the Bowel Movement Bandit in the act told the NBC affiliate WKYC that the pooper had hit his family’s car at least eight times. This caused him to ask his son: “Who do you have mad at you?” Accusations were flung at different neighborhood residents, and the sheer volume of aggressive poop began to tear the small community apart.

In total, Akron investigators believe that the Bowel Movement Bandit has dumped on at least 19 cars in the Kenmore neighborhood. Furthermore, the man tormented residents by pooping in front yards and on children’s toys that had to be thoroughly sanitized the following day.^[5]

Despite knowing the Bowel Movement Bandit’s face, the pooper’s identity remains a mystery. The good news? Thanks to media reports about his disgusting crimes, the Bowel Movement Bandit has seemingly gone underground. There have been no new poo reports in Akron since 2015.

5 The Staten Island Serial Pooper

The borough of Staten Island, New York, was once home to the largest man-made structure in the world. That structure just happened to be the Fresh Kills Landfill, otherwise known as a gigantic dump. Millions of jokes have been made about Staten Island being New York’s garbage disposal, but at least one resident took these jokes to heart. As a result, Eltingville, Staten Island, has a serial pooper problem.

It all began when 48-year-old Andrea Rosenblum went public with her nightmarish situation: An unknown man kept pooping right outside her home. Worst of all, the police department has repeatedly told Rosenblum that there’s nothing they can do to stop it.^[6]

Angered over the lack of anti-poop deterrence from the authorities, Rosenblum installed a camera outside her home. She caught the pooper red-assed: He was shown to be an average-size man carrying two bags. On two different occasions—July 13, 2019, and July 17, 2019—the man wore the exact same outfit as he dropped his pants and went to work.

He always does his business before fleeing into the night. Rosenblum found that the poopings all occurred after midnight. Rosenblum, who has two children aged 12 and 9, claims that she doesn’t know her pooper-tormentor.

4 The Pool Pooper Of Lincoln, Nebraska

From Michigan to Nebraska, there seems to be something about swimming pools that drives Midwestern serial poopers crazy.

In September 2019, the Facebook page belonging to the Eastridge Pool in Lincoln, Nebraska, posted a security camera video showing an unidentified woman pooping near the pool’s concession stand. The crime occurred in broad daylight.

The security camera footage was a breakthrough because the Eastridge Pool had been having a problem with wayward feces for five years. Since 2013, the unknown local woman had been depositing her digested food near the pool.^[7]

Sadly, according to pool manager Ryan Rieker, the security cameras have not scared off the serial pooper. The pool’s best hope is that the media blasts the woman’s image everywhere, thus forcing her to go underground or at least take her pooping indoors.

3 The Mad Pooper

Colorado Springs has seen its fair share of murder and mayhem over the years. As of 2017, it is also the home of the “Mad Pooper.”

As per security camera footage, the Mad Pooper is a slim female jogger. However slight she may be, the Mad Pooper has done outsize damage to the Budde family and their Colorado Springs neighborhood. According to the Budde family, who have been the Mad Pooper’s primary target, the jogger left behind poop on their front yard once a week during a seven-week period in the summer and early fall of 2017.

While the Budde family was able to laugh at the situation, Colorado Springs Police Department Sergeant Johnathan Sharketti admitted, “For someone to repeatedly do such a thing . . . it’s uncharted territory for me.”^[8]

Despite the fact that the Mad Pooper made international news for repeatedly defiling the Budde family’s front yard, the Colorado Springs police went without a name or even a viable suspect for days. Charmin, one of the world’s leading producers of toilet paper, even offered a year’s supply of toilet paper to the Mad Pooper as long as she turned herself in.

Then, in late September 2017, a YouTube video surfaced in which a man claiming to represent the family of a local woman named “Shirley” apologized on behalf of the Mad Pooper, aka “Shirley.” The video claimed that the Mad Pooper suffers from a traumatic brain injury that causes her bowels to move uncontrollably.

The video also demanded that all other videos showing the Mad Pooper doing her business be removed from the Internet because Shirley’s actions were protected by the US Constitution. This man’s video has since been removed from YouTube.

That was the last that anyone heard about the Mad Pooper of Colorado Springs.

2 Mr. Poop

Japan is known throughout the world as an orderly society that places an emphasis on manners and cleanliness. Nobody in his right mind would stereotype the Japanese as “dirty.” However, one Tokyo man known only as “Mr. Poop” flies in the face of Japanese customs.

According to police in Tokyo, Mr. Poop has left pieces of himself behind on at least 10 different occasions in the city’s Akihabara district. During one instance in summer 2019, Mr. Poop, who has been described as a man in his thirties, was caught in the act and forced to flee the scene. Watery-eyed eyewitnesses said that Mr. Poop wore black trousers and had a blue backpack.^[9]

He seems to prefer defecating in four locations: a gap between one building and a model train store, outside of a restaurant, the entrance to another office building, and the base of a utility pole. The pooping has become such a toxic nuisance that nearby businesses have put up warning signs. Hideo Yamada, a lawyer who sometimes appears on Japanese television, believes that Mr. Poop could be charged with disruption of business.

1 The Super Pooper

In the annals of serial pooping, there is no more infamous miscreant than New Jersey’s “Super Pooper.” When his identity was revealed in mid-2018, he earned a new nickname—the “Pooperintendent.”

On May 1, 2018, 42-year-old Thomas Tramaglini, the superintendent of Kenilworth Public Schools, was arrested for pooping under the bleachers near the football field and track belonging to Holmdel High School. The coaches and staff had been finding feces every day in that area, so they set up video surveillance to catch the culprit. Tramaglini is the one they caught.

At the time, he lived just 4.8 kilometers (3 mi) away from Holmdel High. Reportedly, he pooped near the track and football field during his morning jog. For this, he was charged with public defecation, lewdness, and littering. Tramaglini was also placed on a paid leave of absence from his job.

In his defense, the former superintendent said that he had “experience[d] the immediate and emergent need to defecate” while running. He blamed it on a medical condition, runner’s diarrhea, that affects his colon when he runs. He also denied being a serial pooper.

Tramaglini pleaded guilty to public defecation (one time), for which he paid a $500 fine. All other charges were dropped in a plea agreement.

At Kenilworth, Tramaglini made a yearly income of $147,504. The incident forced him to resign from his position, but he did receive about $100,000 in severance. Previously, he had served as the Chief Academic Officer in Keansburg, New Jersey. He was also a part-time lecturer at Rutgers University.^[10]

His story made the international news, and his mug shot got passed around the Internet. In response, the disgraced Tramaglini sued the Holmdel Police Department for releasing his mug shot. “It’s like getting photographed and fingerprinted for a speeding ticket,” said his attorney, Matthew Adams.

The lawsuit, which was ultimately thrown out, sought $1 million in damages. It alleged that Tramaglini had been subjected to “negligent and intentional infliction of emotional distress” and defamation. Tramaglini worries that the news story of his “bathroom emergency” will make him unemployable for the near future. The ridicule has also been hard on his young kids.

About The Author: Benjamin Welton is a freelance writer based in New England.

Cosmetics have been a key part of most women’s lives for centuries. From ancient Egypt, Greece, and Rome to the stars of Hollywood’s Golden Age, makeup has had an important role to play, not only in the way that women have been perceived by others but also in the way that they felt about themselves.

When shopping for beauty products, many women hardly spare a thought for what goes into making them, and this has been true for generations. These days, there isn’t too much to worry about in that respect, thanks to rigorous testing and high manufacturing standards. However, in the past, women should probably have spent a little longer questioning what went into the cosmetics they were using, since some of the ingredients were not only completely gross but often surprisingly dangerous.

10 Bug Lipstick

Having glossy, red lips has long been considered to be a desirable trait in women, so it comes as no surprise that those who wanted to cash in on the cosmetics industry searched high and low to find ingredients that would produce the vibrant color that women were seeking. Unfortunately for shoppers everywhere, the ingredient that they alighted on was the cochineal—an insect found in South and Central America and the Canary Islands. The female of the species feeds on red cactus berries, and it is this trait that has led to them becoming such a valuable cosmetic commodity.

It has long been known that, when crushed, these bugs produce a substance called carminic acid, which can then be used to produce carmine, a vibrant red dye. At the turn of the 20th century, when demand rose for commercially available lipstick, manufacturers used the dye to produce the lip stain that so many women desired. Perhaps the ladies who were so keen to use the newly available lipsticks to demonstrate their fight for equality during the 1910s might have thought twice if they had known they were smearing squished bugs over their faces!

Crushed bugs as a lipstick ingredient was hardly a new thing, however. Cleopatra formulated a lipstick recipe that derived its red color from pulverized ants and beetles.^[1]

9 Goatskin Eyebrows

Fashions in eyebrow style have varied considerably over the years, from the barely there look of the medieval period to the heavy, dark brows of the 1950s, inspired by stars like Elizabeth Taylor. Eyebrows were even sometimes used as an emotional statement, such as in ancient Egypt, where cat owners would shave them off when their beloved pet died. However, one of the strangest trends was the ancient Greek preference for the unibrow.

Greek women believed that untouched, natural eyebrows showed purity. However, the unibrow was the ultimate statement of beauty and intelligence. Those who were cursed with light or patchy brows filled them in using kohl or, even more drastically, false eyebrows made out of goatskin and stuck to their face using tree resin.

While the goatskin trend died out pretty rapidly, an even more revolting look for eyebrows may have emerged in the 18th century. Fashionable women during the Georgian era often chose to pluck out their eyebrows completely and, according to several satirists of the day, replace them with fake ones made from mouse skin.^[2]

8 Cinnabar Rouge

At several points in history, having healthy-looking, rosy cheeks was all the rage among fashionable women. Even today, the flushed look is found highly appealing, but today’s rouges all contain safe, highly tested ingredients. In the past, women hoping to achieve a natural-looking blush turned to a host of different substances in an attempt to get just the right shade, and one of the most popular was cinnabar.^[3]

A volcanic mineral ore from which mercury can be derived, cinnabar has a vibrant red color that seemed to be ideal for addition to cosmetics and powders. When ground up and added to other ingredients, it could easily be applied onto the cheeks as a form of rouge. Unfortunately, as we now know, mercury is extremely toxic and can result in damage to the muscular and nervous system.

Needless to say, cinnabar is no longer allowed to be used in any form of cosmetic product. That would be small comfort to the generations of women who suffered an early death due to mercury poisoning.

7 Lead Face Powder

Women throughout history would no doubt be shocked at today’s trend for tanning, since for centuries, pale skin was held up as the pinnacle of elegance and beauty.

During the 18th century, a pale complexion was vital for any lady who wanted to be admired, and that meant using white face powder. While there were safe ingredients like vinegar and bismuth available to make this substance, the most popular makeups were made from lead, thanks to its opacity, which ensured optimal coverage of the skin.

With smallpox rife during this period, it comes as no surprise that so many women were looking for an effective way to hide the scars and marks left by the disease. Lead powder was the best solution of the day and was used liberally by both women and men alike. Shiny, silky, and able to coat the skin perfectly, it created the pure white look for the chest, shoulders, and face that was so desirable at that time.

Of course, the lead caused a wealth of hideous health problems. Not only did its aficionados suffer from tooth rot, baldness, and eye inflammation, but they also discovered that their skin eventually turned black, necessitating even more powder to cover the damage. One famous victim who died for good looks was Catherine “Kitty” Fisher, a well-known Georgian beauty and courtesan who died in 1767 at the tender age of 25.^[4] While some say that smallpox was the cause of her untimely death, others believe that it was due to lead poisoning from her cosmetics.

6 Tooth Dye

Regular trips to the dentist are a feature of everyday life in the modern world, and today’s women use whitening products as a matter of course to achieve that pearly white smile. However, during the Elizabethan era, there was a very different trend.

Black teeth were the ultimate status symbol, as sugar was hard to come by and could only be bought by the wealthiest people. It is said that thanks to her sweet tooth, Queen Elizabeth I had such decayed teeth that many of them had turned completely black. Many of her court ladies immediately followed suit, using tooth dye to blacken their teeth as a sign that they were rich enough to consume enormous amounts of sugary treats.^[5]

However, the Elizabethans were actually late to the black teeth party. In Japan, the custom of Ohaguro had long since taken hold in a big way. This practice of using a dark brown lacquer made from iron filings dissolved in vinegar to stain the teeth was widespread among fashionable society.

5 Radium Nail Varnish

During the early years of the 20th century, radium was used, among many other things, to make a luminous paint that was used to make watch faces visible in the dark. The women who were most exposed to this chemical became known as Radium Girls, and they were the unwitting victims of so-called “modern” progress.

From 1917 to 1926, women were recruited to work in factories that produced watch faces decorated with this radioactive substance. Since the girls were told that it was completely harmless, they decided to have fun with the glowing paint, using it as a nail varnish and a lipstick.

Unfortunately, after a few years, the women started suffering from a host of medical problems, such as bone fractures and anemia. It was eventually discovered that they had radium poisoning, but not before one poor worker visited her dentist to get a tooth extracted and ended up with a chunk of her jaw accidentally being removed.^[6]

4 Whale Blubber Lipstick

These days, cosmetics made using animal products are being eschewed by women everywhere. However, as recently as the 1970s, whale blubber was finding its way onto the faces of fashionable ladies across the world.

Whale blubber has historically been used for all kinds of purposes, from treating leather and wool to producing soap. However, one of the most popular uses during the 20th century proved to be in the cosmetics industry.^[7] Had women known that they were smearing oil from giant sea creatures across their lips, many more might have turned vegan. It took quite a few years for the truth to become widely known, after which the public outcry led to manufacturers looking elsewhere for their ingredients.

Despite the fact that whale blubber hasn’t been used in lipstick for years, the myth has persisted online that many popular brands are sneaking it into their products. Manufacturers are still working to bust this urban legend, but you can rest assured that modern cosmetics use jojoba oil, beeswax, cocoa butter, and lanolin instead.

3 Deadly Nightshade Eye Drops

Having beautiful, dewy eyes has always been a sign of a beautiful woman, but never more so than in Renaissance Italy. Fashionable Italian women followed a punishing cosmetic routine of using belladonna eyedrops so that their pupils would dilate and create a wide-eyed, strikingly seductive look.^[8]

While “belladonna” means “beautiful lady” in translation, it is, in fact, another name for the deadly nightshade plant—a well-known poison. Although these eye drops certainly created a dewy-eyed appearance, they also caused a host of unpleasant side effects. From blurred vision, headaches, hallucinations, vomiting, tachycardia, and vertigo to eventual blindness, belladonna eye drops were positively dangerous.

It might surprise you to learn that atropine, the ingredient in belladonna which causes pupil dilation, is still used today. However, these days, it is only used for eye examinations under medical supervision.

2 Wax-Beaded Eyelashes

In the days before false eyelashes were invented, dancers, actresses, and showgirls were on the lookout for ways to make their natural lashes look fuller, longer, and darker. The answer presented itself in the form of eyelash beading.^[9]

This complex practice was so popular that even after the arrival of false eyelashes, beading remained in use, especially within the burgeoning movie industry. False eyelashes were still expensive at this time, and beading was a more cost-effective solution, especially for chorus members who needed to stick to a tight budget.

Carrying out eyelash beading was no simple feat. First, you needed some brown or black beading makeup or greasepaint, which had to be melted in a pan. A quill or applicator (often made of bone for extra grossness) was then used to apply the melted wax to the ends of the lashes, leaving a tiny bead on every tip. For many women, their beading kit consisted of a matchstick, candle, and a spoon—very glamorous!

Even worse, open flames and theaters are not a good combination. Eyelash beading candles were known to have caused fires and serious injuries—most notably in the case of Joan Bergere from the Cole Brothers Clyde Beatty Circus, who was burned when her skirt was set ablaze.

1 Beetroot Rouge

We can be fairly confident that the average woman’s boudoir in the 21st century doesn’t contain brightly colored root vegetables, yet in the early 1900s, the humble beetroot was a key element in many ladies’ makeup regimes.^[10]

Anyone who has dropped a piece of beetroot on their white T-shirt will know just how vivid the staining can be. Women in the early years of the 20th century decided to harness this potential to create a rouge that would give their cheeks the natural flush that was so desirable. Beetroot juice was seen as a multifunctional ingredient, also being used as a lip stain by many women until about 1914, when the big-name brands like Max Factor and Elizabeth Arden introduced cosmetic counters that finally allowed respectable women to come out in the open and use makeup with pride.

With so many unpleasant ingredients having been used in the cosmetics of the past, it’s no wonder that so many women today pay close attention to the contents of their makeup bag!

Originally trained as an actress before becoming a legal secretary, early years teacher, and, finally, content writer, I have a particular fascination in writing about history and all its many quirks!

We’re all only human. We laugh, we love and, per popular pre-school literature, everyone poops. Our bodies are incredible works of nature, so complex and complementary that the gift of life is indeed miraculous.

On the other hand, we’re a bunch of shaved primates. Any male on the wrong side of 40, like myself, loses hair where there should be and gains hair where there shouldn’t be. Skin sags, spines curl, teeth rot… all reminders of the grand irony of the body human: its simultaneous glory and grossness.

We’re all human and, therefore, all disgusting. Here are ten examples.

10 Disgusting Beauty Treatments

10 A Disgusting Debut

We come into this world a bloody, choking, slimy mess. Giving birth is so disturbingly disgusting that it’s incredible anyone ever has more than one kid.

It starts with a gush – the so-called water breaking that is a far cry from just water. No time to get the stain remover because it’s time for blood-curdling, often vomit-inducing contraction screams en route to the hospital.

After several excruciating hours, it’s time to push. But before we push out a baby, we push… piss. Sometimes plenty of it, and at water pistol-level velocity. Don’t be embarrassed, it happens to everyo… oh, you just shit all over the birth bed. No worries – and let the doctor slice the space between your vagina and rectum so that junior is saved the trouble of literally tearing you a new one.

And then… Congratulations! It’s a… blood and slime-covered alien with something resembling cottage cheese clinging to its body. That’s called vernix, a greasy foam-like substance that protects a fetus’ skin in the womb.

Time to cut the blood- and pus-filled cord! And hopefully the placenta came out by now; if not, no problem – a nurse will lovingly cram her whole hand in your traumatized vagina and peel it off your cervix. Meanwhile, the doctor will clear the newborn’s airways before it drowns in its mother’s birth discharge.

It’s the miracle of life, and it’s not pretty.^[1]

9 Wait – There’s Something on Your Face

Oh never mind. It’s just thousands of microscopic bugs.

Compared with other body parts, the human face has larger pores and more numerous sebaceous (oil) glands. The extra nooks and crannies are pleasure pockets for microscopic mites, who live their entire lives – eating, mating, defecating and dying – on our faces without us ever noticing.

Two species of face mites make our heads their homes: Demodex folliculorum (pictured) and Demodex brevis. Also known as eyelash mites, the D. folliculorum variety tend to reside in pores and hair follicles, and are a frequent cause of men’s beard dandruff – yet another reason why beards are ridiculous things in general. They generally aren’t harmful, though they’ve been known to exacerbate existing skin conditions such as rosacea.

D. brevis prefer the deeper, semi-subcutaneous sebaceous glands. Like their gross cousins, they are also typically harmless, though a larger-than-average infestation can cause redness and rough patches. They also aren’t limited to the face, with the chest and neck among their other favorite spots.

Face mites are mostly transparent and, even if they weren’t, would be too small to see with the naked eye: at about 0.3 millimeters long, it would take five adults to stretch across the head of a pin. While both are officially arthropods, a group that includes jointed-legged animals such as insects and crabs, California Academy of Sciences entomologist Michelle Trautweinn notes that “they look kind of like stubby little worms.” How comforting.^[2]

8 To Dust We Shall Return

Humans spread their slow-decaying grossness pretty much everywhere. As evidenced by hardwood floors, bookshelves and lampshades, we are walking, shedding sacks of detritus. Far more than just dirt, house dust is a stomach-turning mélange of clothing fibers, dust mites, bits of dead bugs, soil particles, pollen and…well, us. Sloughed-off skin cells and hair complete the revolting recipe.

Every minute, the average human sheds about 30,000 dead skin cells. If that sounds like a lot, it’s because the canvas-turned-carcass is extensive: as our largest organ, skin accounts for about 15% of body weight. The average adult has 21 square feet of skin, which weighs nine lbs and comprises upwards of 300 million skin cells. A single square inch has about 19 million cells, so 30,000 is a drop in the biological bucket.

Still, that’s a lot of dander on the davenport, so much so that dead skin typically comprises the lion’s share of the dust in our domiciles – sometimes more than half. More disgusting still, the approximately 1,000 types of bacteria known to call our epidermises home flakes off along with our skin, circulating around the house along with it.

On a far larger but equally icky scale, dead skin is responsible for an estimated one billion tons of dust in the earth’s atmosphere.^[3]

7 Potty Animal

During their lifetimes, most people spend one full year sitting on the toilet. Over the course of a year, adults defecate an average of 320 pounds of feces, and flush out enough urine to fill two bathtubs.

The yellow splashy stuff is considerably less gross than the brown (or black, or off-green) ploppy stuff. While not exactly sterile as the late, great Rip Torn believed, urine’s ability to form ammonia when aged gives it a net clean effect; in fact, ancient Romans used it to launder clothes and whiten their teeth. Astronauts on the International Space Station have a urine filtration system, which recycles pee into drinking water that likely tastes similar to Bud Light.

In stark, smelly contrast, human feces is some foul-ass business. After its innocuous main ingredient – water – our poop is comprised of dead bacteria that helped us digest our food (some reward they got), protein, undigested food residue, cellular linings, fats, salts, and substances like mucus expelled from the intestines and the liver.

It’s also… ALIVE! Our feces contain living bacteria that play an integral role in the human body’s microbiome, including our gastrointestinal tracts. The precise characteristics of the bacteria in our poop are largely dictated by diet, and are also key factors in that oh-so-attractive aroma.^[4]

6 Ladies Worst: Women’s Flatus Stink More Than Men’s

This one’s for the ladies… or rather, from them. My sincerely held belief that girl farts are fouler than guy farts has been unequivocally proven by (who we can only assume are) the very finest of scientists. This is no longer confirmation bias; it’s confirmation by ass.

It’s official: women’s flatulence smells worse than those tooted by their male counterfar… uh, counterparts. Per RealClearScience.com: “In studies conducted by eminent flatulence researcher Michael Levitt, women’s farts consistently sported significantly greater concentrations of hydrogen sulfide. Odor judges have confirmed that – at similar volumes – this translates to a noticeably worse odor compared to men’s farts.” Already, the PC Police on Twitter are lauding the dismantling of the misogynistic microaggression “he who smelt it dealt it.” It’s SHE who smelt it, you sexist bastards.

Regardless the gender of the rear-end offender, our farts have three typical odor-causers. Hydrogen sulfide produces farts’ torturous, trademark rotten eggs scent, while methanethiol produces notes of decomposing vegetables. Dimethyl sulfide completes the poop-pourri by adding a subtle sweetness.

The speed of a fart leaving the anus is about 10 feet per second – roughly 9.5 km/hr. The average human farts 14 times per day, with a combined volume capable of inflating a medium-sized balloon. This volume can be measured with a pleasant contraption called a rectal catheter. I kid you not.^[5]

10 Truly Disgusting Facts About Ancient Roman Life

5 Waxing Unpoetic

Ear wax is something whose already-disgusting name belies the fact that it’s even more disgusting than its name suggests. Officially known as cerumen, the body produces the sticky stuff to preserve and protect the auditory canal in a variety of ways, including keeping the skin moist and acidic, trapping dead skin, killing microbes, and blocking dust and bugs from entering the eardrum. So it’s basically something gross that keeps even grosser things from happening.

Ear wax is a combination of dead skin cells, various waxes and sebum – the same oily discharge that builds up, for example, on unwashed hair. Cerumen is produced by the eponymous ceruminous glands (also called apocrine glands), a specialized sweat gland that secretes fats and proteins.

There are two kinds of ear wax, wet and dry, and the type you produce is determined genetically. Regardless, its journey out of our ears is among the body’s most incredible tricks: migrating cells. “You could put an ink dot on the eardrum and watch it move over a few weeks, and it would be ‘carried out’ by the movement of the cells.” according to Professor Shakeel Saeed at London’s Royal National Throat, Nose and Ear Hospital.

Like urine, ear wax was put to good use in earlier civilizations. Some used it as an ointment for puncture wounds, while others employed it as a lip balm, prompting the ever-popular pickup line “That’s a lovely shade of cerumen you’re wearing.”^[6]

4 Colostrum is Gross… Twice

“Colostr-WHAT?” I asked the nurse, one sleepless night removed from first-time fatherhood. The nurse had said my wife was waiting for her colostrum, which could have meant anything from an aunt I’d never met to a new, fiber-centric brand of cereal.

It was neither. Colostrum is the first breast milk a woman’s mammary glands produce, beginning during pregnancy and continuing through the first few days after birth. A solid strike against the notion that creating a life is beautiful, colostrum is a thick, often gooey substance whose golden-yellow or orange color comes from its high levels of beta-carotene. Unfortunately for everyone except newborn vampires, blood from the mother’s milk ducts can also accrue, lending a red, pink, or rust-colored hue.

Colostrum is a very necessary grossness: often called “liquid gold,” it is packed full of concentrated nutrition a newborn requires. First-time mothers often have difficulty producing colostrum in sufficient amounts or in a timely fashion; in fact, my son eventually required hospital readmittance after nutrient depletion left him jaundiced.

Colostrum is as unappetizing coming out of an infant as it is going in. A natural laxative, it helps newborns transition from the initial meconium stage of stool – which is black, tar-like and relatively odorless – to a thinner, looser greenish-brown or greenish-yellow eruption more befitting an alcoholic truck driver. Your turn to change the baby, dear.^[7]

3 Please Don’t Compare a Vital Organ to…

… a bowl of whipped cream. Ugh. I can’t un-write that, and now you can’t un-read it.

Our lungs are gross on an entirely different level than icky bodily secretions: they are mission-critical appliances whose featherweight flimsiness is cringe-worthy. The understanding that two irreplaceable, breath-of-life-giving items have the consistency of a sundae topping ups the ante from “gross out” to “wig out.” It is, quite literally, unsettling to the core.

Dr. Kathryn Dreger, a professor at Georgetown University’s medical school, recently described the breathing process as part of a piece about COVID-19’s affect on the lungs. When we breathe, she writes, air passes through a series of “smaller and smaller pipes finally ending in tiny tubes less than a millimeter across called bronchioles. At the very end of each are clusters of microscopic sacs called alveoli. The lining of each sac is so thin that air floats through them into the red blood cells.”

She then equates an existential organ to, well, non-existence: “These millions of alveoli are so soft, so gentle, that a healthy lung has almost no substance.”

For all its horrors, at least COVID makes for a sturdier (and equally tasty!) treat. Dreger explains that the coronavirus causes a gummy, yellow fluid called exudate to fill the air sacs. When a critical number are inundated, the lung texture changes to something more resembling – and I quote – “a marshmallow.”^[8]

2 Foul Mouthed

The disgusting distinction of grossest place on the human body likely belongs to the mouth. Moist, multi-organed and in direct contact with the outside world, our mouths have all the makings of an unpalatable petri dish – basically the cruise ships of the human body.

For starters, at any given moment there are as many as a billion bacteria… on EACH OF OUR TEETH (good oral hygiene practices can reduce that figure to as low as 1,000 – a truly amazing discrepancy). These bacteria have about 700 varieties. Some are beneficial, but when the bad ones band together with saliva and food particles, the result is dental plaque, a sticky goop that accumulates on teeth and under gums. Plaque then solidifies into a deposit called tartar that can cause lasting dental damage.

The rest of the mouth is nearly as bad, with our tongues another chief offender. Again, the issue is the mouth’s unique status as a gaping hole connected to both the outside world and the rest of the body.

Unsurprisingly, bad bacteria that start in the mouth can migrate elsewhere – including our brains. For example, gum disease has been linked to rheumatoid arthritis and pneumonia, and other mouth maladies may increase the likelihood of developing dementia-related diseases such as Alzheimer’s.^[9]

1 Going Out With a “Blecch.”

Our bodies save their most disgusting trick for last – dead last. Shortly after we take our last breath – and even before we’ve voided our bowels, a fecal finale truly befitting the occasion – we literally start eating ourselves. Decomposition commences just a few moments after death with a process called autolysis, or self-digestion. Deprived of oxygen by our formerly-beating hearts, our cells undergo a sudden spike in acidity as the toxic by-products of chemical reactions begin to accumulate inside them.

It gets grosser. Enzymes start digesting cell membranes and, as cells break down, gradually leak out. This typically begins in the liver, which is especially enzyme rich, and also the brain, which has particularly high water content. Our other tissues – even our sumptuously whipped-creamy lungs – quickly follow suit, as we become a decaying sack of noxious gas leaks. Damaged blood cells spill out of broken vessels and, aided by gravity, settle in the capillaries and small veins, discoloring the skin.

Our gut bacteria – by far the most prolific part of our microbiome – then enjoy their macabre last meal at our expense. They digest our intestines from the inside out, then dine on adjacent capillaries. The lymph nodes, liver (hold the fava beans) and spleen are next.

Meanwhile, our body temperature drops, acclimating to its surroundings. The protein filaments actin and myosin, which allow our muscles to contract and relax, run out of energy and stiffen up. Rigor mortis sets in, starting in the eyelids, jaw and neck muscles, before working its way into the core and limbs. Soiled, smelly and stiff, we leave this world as we entered it: gross.^[10]

Top 10 Bizarre Ways To Make Money From Disgusting Habits

The human body is a marvelous thing. If you get a scar, the body heals itself within a couple of days. A woman’s body changes to accommodate and grow another human being. Our eyes take on beautiful, speckled colors. As we make advances in medical science, we learn just how amazing our body is and how much it can take in terms of injuries and illness. 

Yes, your body can do some pretty surprising things. But it is home to some pretty weird things, too. From strange growths to skin conditions to unwanted inhabitants, here are 10 of the strangest things you can find on your body. Which, when you’re done reading, you may want to forget.

10 Dandruff: The Great White Way

Dandruff is a skin condition on the scalp that causes itchiness and aching. The body is always making new skin cells on the scalp and shedding the dead ones. But with dandruff, these cells shed faster than usual, and the scalp’s oil causes them to clump together. Those white flakes you see on somebody’s shoulders or in their hair are the result.

So what causes dandruff? Well, there are a bunch of different reasons. First, your scalp skin may be flaking (seborrheic dermatitis). Seborrheic dermatitis causes red, greasy skin covered with flaky white scales. It mostly affects oil-rich areas such as your scalp, the back of your ears, your nose’s sides, and sometimes your armpits. Treatment for this type of dandruff usually involves medicated shampoos, creams, and lotions. Infrequent shampooing has been linked to dandruff because oils and skin cells from your scalp can build up and flake off. 

Though it may be annoying and embarrassing if you have it, plenty of people suffer from dandruff. It’s just one of those strange things you can find on your body.

9 Holy Moly

Moles are benign growths that can manifest as bumps or appear on the surface of the skin. You can get moles at birth or any point in your life. Moles can be brown or black; they can be hairless or have hairs sprouting out of them. Generally, they’re round and quite red. Moles typically remain harmless up to a certain point. You should only start to worry if they change in appearance.

If your doctor suspects your mole is cancerous, they might advise you to go for a biopsy. A doctor will remove a little piece of the mole and send it for analysis. The pathologist will reveal if there are cancerous cells present in your body. If the mole is cancerous, the doctor must surgically remove both the mole and the surrounding skin.

Doctors can easily remove moles surgically for cosmetic reasons, too. It requires only a small incision, and voila! It’s done. The surgery leaves a small scar that fades over time. 

8 Count Lice-ula

Now here’s a strange thing you can find on your body but would prefer not to. Lice are parasites that develop by feeding on the host’s blood. These little hair vampires are really small, which is why it’s hard to see them. Lice are wingless insects, black mites that look as if they might fly but never will. That’s why they stick to your body, be it on your scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes, or groin.

This is not the worst of it, though. Lice nits are just as bad but more troublesome. They are smaller than a pinhead and can be mistaken for ordinary dandruff. Eggs are the worst of the parasite set, and they’re what keeps a lice problem going. If someone in the family has lice, you should search for eggs diligently and thoroughly check the house and car (as some possible egg-infested areas). And don’t share hats!

7 Ring Around the Worm

Ringworm is not a worm. It’s a skin infection caused by fungus. I know, first, we find parasites on the body, and now fungus? Not just one fungus. Many fungi cause ringworm, but it typically comes from trichophyton, Microsporum, and Epidermophyton. Ringworms can infect different parts of your body. Although it spreads easily, it’s less harmful than other highly transmittable diseases (because of the ringworm-causing fungal species). Your body also offers natural protection against ringworm. Keratin, which is outside your body, protects your hair, nails, and skin cells. It also keeps ringworms from getting deeper into your skin and eating your internal organs. 

What should you do if you contract ringworm? The doctor will probably shine a harmless blacklight on you for diagnosis. Some ringworm fungi fluoresce naturally. But most of the fungal species that cause the disease don’t.

Instead, the doctor might decide to scrape the skin from your infection and mix it up with a potassium hydroxide solution. The potassium hydroxide dissolves the skin cells but won’t mess with fungal cells because the cell walls comprise chitin and other complex carbs that don’t break down. With the skin cells gone, it’ll be easier for your health care provider to spot the remaining fungal cells under a microscope.

6 Bacteria, Virus, and Microbial-Related Cells

Believe it or not, only one in every ten of your body cells are human! The remaining ninety percent of the cells consists of over ninety trillion microbes, viruses, bacteria, and other microorganisms that call your body home. They all work together to keep their home—your body—healthy and functioning well. Of course, bacteria can be good and bad, and if naturally growing bacteria gets out of hand, you can get sick.

Helicobacter pylori is a bacteria that causes stomach ulcers. Many people used to have this kind of bacteria, but the pylori predominance is steadily reducing. Only half of the world’s population has it. Many don’t show the symptoms, but a few grow painful ulcers in the digestive tract.

5 Snot Galore

We usually get grossed out over the thought of boogers. But boogers do serve a purpose. The mucous traps invading viruses and bacteria before they can enter your body—so don’t, you know, eat them. Unfortunately, it turns out that we naturally swallow about a quarter of snot per day. The mucus that we don’t spot running out of our nose travels from inside our nose to the back of our throat. Then down it goes. This is because our sinuses connect parts of our faces.

It is hard to think about boogers in a good way, but they play a significant role in defending your health. That’s why when fall sick, the production of mucus almost doubles. In general, mucus warms the air you breathe, humidifies the air, and confines particles that don’t belong in your airways. 

4 Lipoma Livin’

A lipoma is a benign growth composed of fat cells and sandwiched between your skin and muscle. A Lipoma can develop in deeper tissues, like the abdominal organs, too. Lipomas grow slowly and often do not show any symptoms or require medication. It’s just another strange growth your body can form. 

We aren’t sure what causes lipomas, but doctors do know that it has nothing to do with being overweight. While they don’t tend to run in families, they can be congenital.

Since you can see them, you may want them removed solely for cosmetic reasons. You may also want them removed if they’re causing you pain or get infected. Lipoma removal generally requires an outpatient surgical procedure. Here, a doctor will usually inject a local anesthetic and make an incision, removing the tumor, before stitching you back up.

3 Twinkle Toes

Ever wonder why your toes might turn yellow? The thing is, your feet touch some of the dirtiest surfaces on the planet. And they’re exposed to every kind of germ existing in nature daily. Your toenails usually end up collecting millions of various microorganisms every single day, including fungus. This is why your toes turn color. When you see a yellow toenail, you’re actually looking at the fungus that is living there. So, trim your toenails whenever possible! This is the best protection you can get.

2 Waxy Differences

We typically see ear wax as uniform and universal, but that is not quite the case. Ear wax (skin cells inside the ear that help lubricate the ear) comprises two different wax kinds: wet and dry. The type of wax you have will depend on genetics. It sounds a little gross, but it’s just the body being its weird self.

Your ear manufactures earwax to wash and defend itself. The glands discharge it into the skin that lines the outermost half of the ear ducts. The wax and tiny hairs in these canals lure dust and other alien specks that might harm your eardrum or other parts of the ear.

While people with too little earwax have higher chances of experiencing itchy ears (and more liable to diseases), an ear duct chocked up with earwax can cause mild deafness, earaches, or tinnitus, a sensation of fullness and ringing in the ear. It also causes infections and other problems.

1 Bat your Lashes

If you think your face is spotless after washing it, think again. We all have mites that live in our face’s pores, especially eyelashes, and they feed off our oils and dead skin. These mites are called Demodex mites, and their population increases as you age. It might be a bit disturbing to think about something living so close to our eyeball. But they are so tiny that we don’t see them, and you can’t even feel them.

Demodex folliculorum is a type of mite. There are two types of Demodex mites, the other being Demodex Brevis. Demodex Folliculorum lives in the hair cavity of human skin, eating dead skin cells. Unlike Demodex Brevis, we find this kind on the face. 

Demodex Folliculorum only becomes troublesome if they worsen advanced skin diseases, like rosacea. Furthermore, there’s growing proof that large amounts of this can cause skin complications. 

Say the word “cult,” and you might imagine people holed up in a compound somewhere, convinced that the end is nigh. But in ancient times, cults were taken more seriously and often involved entire populations. This list looks at previously unseen discoveries that added even more mystery or gore to what we already know. From the correct etiquette for boiling a head to a naughty story written by a priest, here are ten finer details about ancient cults you probably didn’t know!

10 A Rare True Cross Scroll

The “Cult of The Cross” describes the rituals and beliefs surrounding the True Cross (the cross on which Jesus died). In 2021, an extremely rare artifact was discovered. Unfortunately, it was not a splinter from the True Cross, but it was a parchment closely linked to this chapter of Christianity.

Researchers have always known about the 500-year-old scroll. However, it kept disappearing into the hands of private collectors, meaning it could never be examined. When it was recently rediscovered, the artifact revealed a smorgasbord of exquisite illustrations that provided more insights into the Cult of the Cross. But two more things stunned the researchers.

First, such prayer rolls, which were constantly unfurled, touched, and kissed by worshipers, rarely survive to the present day. For one of them to remain intact 500 years later is remarkable in itself. Then there’s the intimate link with the lore of the True Cross. The prayer roll was likely created at Bromholm Priory in Norfolk. This place once attracted pilgrims because the priory’s own cross was said to contain a fragment of the True Cross. Called the Rood of Bromholm, the cross is now missing, but it appears as a crucifixion painting in the scroll.^[1]

9 A Cult Buried with Their Pharaoh

In 2021, archaeologists were digging at Saqqara, an ancient Egyptian burial ground, when they found a temple. The stone temple had three warehouses lined up on one side. These mud-brick storage areas and nearby shafts contained items that provided insights into a cult that worshiped a royal couple.

The temple was a funerary building constructed in honor of Queen Nearit. The building was next to the pyramid of her spouse, Pharaoh Teti, who ruled Egypt roughly between 2323 BC and 2291 BC. The shafts were also near the pyramid and contained the bodies of those who belonged to the cult. It would appear that they desired to stay close to the pharaoh, even in death.

The cult seemed to have flourished for over 1,000 years. Some of the items found inside the burial shafts provided clues about what mattered to them. An incredible papyrus, measuring 13 feet long (4 meters), contained a chapter from the “Book of the Dead,” a guide on how to navigate the underworld. Other objects also showed that people named their children after royal family members and that the gods Osiris and Anubis were important to them.^[2]

8 A Religion Older Than the Incas

We are still trying to piece together everything about the Incas, a complex society that once ruled the pre-Columbian Americas, from Columbia to Chile. Long before the Incas, however, there was an even more mysterious and elaborate society. This empire was the Tiwanaku state, and very little is known about them.

In 2013, researchers explored Khoa Reef in Bolivia’s Lake Titicaca. The reef lies near the Island of the Sun, a pilgrimage site for the Incas, who adorned the island with offerings and ceremonial buildings. However, as artifacts older than the Incas were found near the reef, it recovered a big piece of Tiwanaku culture. In short, they practiced a mystery religion that pre-dates the Incas by 500 years.

Besides beating the Incas to the lake, the Tiwanaku people also designed their offerings to be submerged in the lake. This clue came from anchors found near the items. The offerings included incense burners shaped like pumas, gold ornaments, shell and stone trinkets, and young llama remains. All this suggested that the Tiwanaku performed sophisticated rituals from boats and that the puma and the god Viracocha (found on gold medallions) were also important religious symbols to them.^[3]

7 Ramses II Had a Ram Cult

Recently, excavations at the ancient Egyptian city Abydos revealed a gruesome sight. Long ago, a single ritual had sacrificed 1,200 rams, and their heads were left behind in honor of Pharaoh Ramses the Great.

The ram heads were discovered in a storage area and needless to say, it’s a very unusual find. Some of the skulls were even wrapped in cloth, and one animal still had a bell around its neck. Not being able to resist, someone jostled the item, and amazingly, despite having been quiet for 2,000 years, it rang. The rare artifact might’ve been created especially for the ritual because it was decorated with symbols representing gods.

But at the end of the day, the discovery points to a ram or Aries cult that centered itself around Ramses II. One that potentially worshiped the popular king for 1,000 years after he died. Ramses II took the throne in 1279 BC and maintained power for nearly 70 years. He was known for so many great things that nine other pharaohs chose to call themselves Ramses too.^[4]

6 A Mysterious Skull Cult

Göbekli Tepe is a famous ancient site in Turkey. Built roughly 11,000 years ago, the builders were known for producing intricate carvings, tall pillars, and large stone rings. But they also left a few mysteries behind. There are no graves and no evidence that people even lived there, despite the fact that the site kind of looks like a town.

That doesn’t mean that human remains weren’t found. Over the years, 691 human bone fragments surfaced. However, seven skull pieces from three adults had experts flummoxed. First, they were found in a backfill mixture inside a stone structure. Nobody can explain why the skull bones ended up there. Deliberate carvings and drill marks on the fragments also pointed to a skull cult at Göbekli Tepe, but the markings gave no clue as to the purpose of such a cult.

But here’s the weirdest thing. The people of Göbekli Tepe created stunning structures and art. Compared to that, the skulls were crudely carved. Perhaps the deep grooves allowed decorations to be added—or the skulls were deliberately disfigured to punish the dead individuals.^[5]

5 The Temple That Became a Tomb

Spain’s Carmona necropolis is packed with burials from the 1st to the 2nd century AD. One of its most famous structures is the Elephant’s Tomb (someone found an elephant statue inside). When researchers first looked at the grave, it became clear that the burial wasn’t a normal six-foot-under affair. Instead, the building’s elaborate design hinted at another purpose besides being a tomb. Eventually, Spanish archaeologists discovered strong evidence that a cult once used the structure. Indeed, the “tomb” had all the hallmarks of a Mithraeum, a temple dedicated to the Roman god Mithras.

For example, during the spring and fall equinoxes, sunlight would’ve entered the window so that the center of the chamber filled with light, possibly illuminating a now-missing statue of the god. Two of the cult’s most important constellations, Scorpio and Taurus, also lined up with the building. Other features it shared with known Mithraeums included a fountain and a room divided into three sections.

Experts now believe that, at some point, the devotees started to lose interest in the temple. Once the Mithraeum was abandoned by the cult, the structure was repurposed as a tomb.^[6]

4 Inca Worshipers Weren’t Equal

During the early 15th century, the Inca developed an elaborate solar cult to worship the Sun. Many of their rituals and beliefs have surfaced in recent years, but in the late 1990s, researchers uncovered something that hadn’t been recorded before—something that wasn’t very flattering. In short, not every devotee of the cult was considered equal during worship.

It started with the discovery of large stone pillars. Archaeologists have always known that the Inca had such ritual pillars, thanks to records indicating that they once existed in the Inca capital of Cusco. These pillars recorded the Sun’s location near the horizon during the June and December solstices, which were important days on the cult’s calendar.

While surveying the Island of the Sun, an Inca ritual hotspot in Lake Titicaca, researchers found the first pair of these solar pillars. They also discovered a platform nearby. All research showed that both features were designed to separate the elite from the lower classes during rituals. While the king and other ranked individuals worshiped inside the sanctuary, the rest gathered on the platform to observe the mesmerizing spectacle of the Sun setting directly over their rulers and the pillars. Such a sight would’ve cemented the elite’s power even more.^[7]

3 A Naughty Story

In 2012, experts deciphered a curious ancient papyrus. Written in an old form of Egyptian called Demotic, the text was not your typical story that praised a pharaoh or a god. Nope. This was a story about sex. Researchers believe that the author might even have been a priest. However, this wasn’t a case of a perverted priest writing erotica in his spare time. Instead, the papyrus might have served a very important purpose.

The fictional story includes singing, feasting, drinking, and ritual sex. All these activities are happening in the name of the Egyptian goddess Mut as acts of worship, not revelry. In other words, the tale wasn’t written to entertain anyone. Instead, the discovery suggests that such “cult fiction” existed to ease the discussion around controversial sex rituals and other contentious topics among priests.^[8]

2 A Cult the Size of Poland

In the 1960s, a survey team noticed a couple of rectangular stone structures in north-western Saudi Arabia. At the time, nobody realized the scope and cult-related significance of the buildings, which were later named “mustalil.” It wasn’t until more recently that tantalizing facts about the ruins began to emerge.

About 1,600 mustalil were found sprinkled across 116,000 square miles (300,000 square kilometers). Some had so many stones that they weighed more than the Eiffel Tower. Others were the length of four football fields and as wide as two. The monumental structures were all 7,000 years old, which made them older than the Giza pyramids and Stonehenge.

Their construction also showed the builders understood local materials and engineering and had a widespread belief system that demanded sacrifices. Stuffed inside small chambers of the mustalil were countless animal skulls. Since no other body parts were found, this suggested that the sacrifices happened elsewhere. Ritual artifacts found at the site also support the idea that this mysterious cult once spanned an area the size of Poland.^[9]

1 How to Boil a Head

In 2019, archaeologists were doing field work along the coast of the Red Sea. The team was excavating the ancient Egyptian port of Berenike when they discovered the remains of a temple. The two-room shrine had an Egyptian design and decorations—but the people who once worshiped there were not Egyptians. They belonged to a mysterious semi-nomadic group called the Blemmyes.

Almost nothing is known about the Blemmyes, so it was interesting to note that the temple suggested that they had adopted Egyptian beliefs. In this case, the building’s purpose was to worship the Egyptian falcon-headed god Khonsu. The discovery also revealed the cult’s etiquette for boiling heads.

An inscription found inside the temple read, “It is improper to boil a head in here.” Since many decapitated falcon skeletons were found inside, it’s safe to assume that the cult did not hack off human heads but, instead, those of birds. The rule also implied that worshipers had to boil falcons before offering them to Khonsu. Perhaps the heads were cooked, too, only it was forbidden to do so within the sacred walls of the temple.^[10]