What would be your ideal place to live?

For some, it would be an idyllic village. For others, a futuristic city. From utopian kingdoms to secluded Rousseauian wildernesses, many of us have an idea of what our perfect environment would be.

You don’t have to go crazy on the fantasy front. Even imagining that you own and operate the nicest restaurant with a beautifully designed apartment upstairs could be the highest ideal for some aspiring chefs. In real life, however, utopian ideals always lead to hell on Earth. Here are 10 fantasy places from film, TV, literature, and video games that would suck hard if you had to live there.

Top 10 Mythical Places You Want To Live In

10 Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory
A Business That Requires You To Engage In Slave Labor Practices

The new manager cowered behind the statue of the place’s founder. He sniffed it and, smelling raspberries, took a lick. “Nougat” he thought. “What a genius.” Then, from the corridors beyond the barricaded door, he heard a terrible sound:

“Oompa loompa doompety doo, I’ve got another puzzle for you, oompa loompa doompety dee, what will it take for us to be free?” cried the slave army as they approached the manager’s office within the tyrannical, oppressive chocolate factory.

With a song in their hearts, freedom in their souls, and sharpened caramel-mixing paddles in their hands, it was time for the Oompa-Loompas to remove the last obstacle that lay before their path to emancipation.”

—Excerpt from Roald Dahl’s seminal novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory III: Charlie’s Dead, Now It’s Your Turn!

Sooner or later, if you’re given the keys to this place, they’ll come for you. Or if you’re a crazed sociopath with enough firepower to enforce your rule over these unfortunate orange-faced elves, then what do you get at the end of it all? A damned chocolate factory!

This place sucks.^[1]

9 The Shire
Eventually, You’ll Be Defeated

You’re 106.7 centimeters tall (3’6″). Everyone you know is around the same height. You are part of an agrarian society that hates adventure and abhors violence. Your land is a bucolic nirvana that is chock-full of natural resources.

Your neighbors?

Horse-riding warriors double your height who just defeated an evil demigod with a magical ring. You nearly became enslaved by an already defeated wizard whose powers were massively depleted. How will your people stand up to an increasingly powerful empire with no immediate threats and a need to expand for resources?

Yeah, hobbits are toast. Unless . . . 

You can only hope for an influx of like-minded little people from a similarly oppressive situation to seek refuge in the Shire. Then you’ll band together and send ambassadors to Rohan and Gondor to sign a nonaggression pact while training your growing population for some kind of sabotage-based, asymmetric, guerrilla strategy for the eventual invasion.

Is this going to be the birth of a hobbit–Oompa-Loompa coalition? Are these two universes about to combine? We sure hope not.^[2]

8 The County Of Midsomer
The Perfect Rural English County . . . Make Sure You’re Armed

The Shire was J.R.R. Tolkien’s idealized version of the “Home Counties” of England translated to a high fantasy setting. The county of Midsomer from the long-running ITV show Midsomer Murders does a similar thing by placing this fictional, idealized area in a far more temporal setting.

The place is nearly perfect with its pretty little villages filled with beautiful floral displays, quaint cottages, bicycles, and tweed-clad, friendly locals with their 4×4 vehicles that never exceed 48 kilometers per hour (30 mph). But the county holds a dark secret. The murder rate gives the Mexican drug capitals of Tijuana and Juarez a run for their money.^[3]

With at least 369 murders, 87 attempted murders, and a host of other deaths (such as escaping killers falling into quarries, suicides . . . y’know, normal countryside stuff), this county may not be the best place to settle down. It is less than a two-hour commute to London, though.

7 Metropolis
A Crime-Ridden Town (Next Door To Gotham City) At The Mercy Of An All-Powerful Alien

You’re being mugged by a group of ne’er-do-wells. They’re just about to grab the antique pocket watch your dead father gave you. Then BANG, the sound barrier is broken above you. Dropping from the clouds, Superman swoops down to save the day.

If you will, imagine now the hundreds more instances where Superman is otherwise occupied (say, fighting General Zod). “Where’s your hero now?”^[4]

Put aside the fact that Superman is not omniscient, doesn’t have godlike judgment, and may get coerced into a life of utilitarian-inspired totalitarianism by charismatic evildoers and kill 99 percent of mankind. If you live in Metropolis, you live right next door to Gotham City, the worst city in the world!

The crime rates are always going to be high, especially when gentrification hits East Gotham and all the costumed supervillains band together to rent a two-bedroom brownstone over the river in Metropolis.

6 The Hall Of Valhalla
The Scariest Waiting Game

Let us consider that the afterlife, the gods, and the whole universe are exactly as the ancient Norse peoples imagined them to be. Ragnarok—the all-consuming, world-ending battle where you and your puny spear will be going toe-to-toe with a whole host of monsters—sounds like a terrible event.

Do you think that Fenrir, the giant wolf and child of Loki, will wait peacefully for his scrap with Odin (a battle he is going to win, by the way)? Nah, he’s going to want to fill his belly with some tasty entrails first. Guess how your entrails taste? Fenrir wants to find out.

Now, have you ever sat in a hospital waiting room in anticipation of test results? It’s a waking nightmare. Valhalla is like waiting for a test result that you know in advance will be positive because bloody Ragnarok is inevitable! You’ll be waiting in a glorified convention center for that day to come.^[5]

But don’t fret too much. There will be free legs of mutton and horns of mead for you to enjoy. This ensures that you’ll be fat and drunk when the giant Midgard Serpent is ready to bite your head off.

Top 10 Fantasy Worlds In Literature

5 Shangri-La
Utopia Near The Death Zone

This paradisal community from James Hilton’s 1933 novel Lost Horizon is great if you’re from there. He placed this magical city high in the Kunlun Mountains in Tibet.

Much like other idealized places such as El Dorado (the city of gold), the Garden of Eden, or Atlantis (before it sank), Shangri-La has all the hallmarks of Heaven on Earth: plentiful food, total harmony, and long-living denizens who are always happy.^[6]

But what if you wanted to visit?

If you ever go to the city of Quito in Ecuador, you’ll get a taste of what we’re about to outline. Much like the fictional Shangri-La, Quito is beautiful and full of healthy people and gorgeous architecture. It is a delight to wander around and take in the sights . . . if you grew up somewhere that’s a few thousand feet above sea level.

However, if you grew up below the clouds like most humans, you’ll most likely need to take a seat and catch your breath every few yards. You may even develop altitude sickness and need hospitalization.

Don’t worry, though, there are plenty of coca leaves to consume. This helps to stave off altitude sickness and boost your energy. In Quito, that is. There are no coca plants in Central Asia.

Shangri-La would be an amazing place to behold until you ran out of oxygen tanks. Then you either adapt or die. Still, future travelers could use you as a way marker like some unfortunate dead climbers on Mount Everest.

4 Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry
The No. 1 Target For Attack By Powerful Terrorists

Remember terrorism?

For a long while, the notion of a small group of ideologically possessed individuals attacking unassuming citizens was considered the primary threat facing mankind. Many people may still feel this way. Tourist spots, industrial plants, financial centers, and the halls of national governments are the usual targets for these evil terrorist groups.

In J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter universe, a boarding school is often a primary target. Those “terrorists” use magic. So, why would you send your kids there, wizards?^[7]

3 Pepsi Town
Center For The Emerging Corporocratic Empire

If Superman turned evil, that would be awful. Now imagine that he worked for Pepsi and wanted to found a corporate dictatorship across the US or maybe the world? That seems to be the suggested result of the 1999 PlayStation game Pepsiman.

Playing as the eponymous superhero, you navigate your way through tricky, Crash Bandicoot–style levels to help thirsty people get their fix of this sugary soda. The final level is in “Pepsi City,” which we can conclude is a whole city owned and operated by PepsiCo, Inc. Wait, what?

If Pepsiman is from Pepsi City and Pepsi owns them both, what would be next?

Judging by the scary, fascistic promo for the game, it would be to take over the mainland US and place the nation under the dominance of Pepsi. Fancy a Coke? That’ll be 10 years in the hall of reeducation for you! Sponsored by Pepsi. Drink!^[8]

2 Brigadoon
See You Next Century

Brigadoon is at the center of a romantic Scottish legend. A small village in the Highlands fell to a terrible curse. The locals made a deal with Almighty God to save their souls. The village, along with all its inhabitants, would remain hidden from the world and only emerge from its invisibility for a single day every 100 years.

This day is a time for great celebration because Brigadoon can be visited by outsiders. The catch? None of the villagers can leave. If anyone does venture outside the village boundary, the whole place and all the villagers will disappear forever.^[9]

In the legend, the place is meant to be awesome. So, why would you want to leave?

Let’s think about this. What if an outsider—posing as a happy tourist who wants to experience this once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon—grabs Mrs. MacLeod, the baker’s wife, ties her in a body bag, and drags her outside the village? Everyone in Brigadoon is gone. So, where would they go?

Given the deal the villagers struck with God, there are two options—Purgatory or Hell. If it’s Purgatory, they’ll eventually get to Heaven. So, why do they stay in Brigadoon?

It must be Hell. Imagine living in a community that remains frozen in some in-between, timeless state for 100 years at a time. Then it’s subject to the whim of some feckless tourists whose bad behavior could result in your whole community being consigned to damnation for eternity. No thanks.

1 Sunnydale, California
Nice Weather, A Zoo, A Museum, Disneyland Nearby, And An Adjacent Portal To Hell

California is a state with loads of beautiful communities. Any sane person would sell his right kidney to live in one of these places. Claremont, Solvang, and Hillsborough all seem like the perfect place to live. Yes, Los Angeles and San Francisco have their homelessness and poop-related issues. But if you have enough cash, wouldn’t you want to live in Beverly Hills or Nob Hill?

Well, the small, pleasant, fictional city of Sunnydale could be high on any such list, nestled between Claremont and Hillsborough. The only issue with Sunnydale? You’ll be living next door to a portal to a monster-filled alternate reality . . . that’s leaking.^[10]

It’s okay, though, because you’ll have a heroine in your midst. A teenage girl named Buffy . . . Shoot, you should have moved to Solvang. Who doesn’t like chocolate?

10 Real-World Entrances To Mythical Locations

About The Author: C.J. Phillips is a storyteller, actor, and writer living in rural West Wales. He is a little obsessed with lists.

Musicals are the popular culture equivalent of vegemite or olives. You either love them with a passion or hate them with fervor. So, when you sit down to watch a movie or book a theatre performance, are you the person who loves it when people burst into song at the drop of a hat? Or are you the kind of person who grits their teeth in frustration?

Samuel Tailor Coleridge coined the term “suspension of disbelief” in 1817, using it to explain the theory that we are often willing to avoid critical thinking and logic for the purpose of entertainment. Nowhere has this been pushed to the limit more than in science fiction, and even more when a musical gets added to the mix. Below, we give ten science fiction and fantasy musicals that pushed the boundaries of possibility, for good or bad.

Related: 10 Surprising Musical Moments From Popular Shows

10 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells

The selling power of toys should never be underestimated. In the late ’80s and early ’90s, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles craze had reached a fever pitch. Based on a comic by creators Eastman and Laird, it was later turned into a cartoon, and with it came a tie-in toy line plus a glutton of merchandise. To promote it, anything was being considered, including a musical.

Most musical forays by the Turtles are fondly remembered. They had a number-one hit that tied into the release of their first movie, and their second outing even featured flavor-of-the-month Vanilla Ice. However, their musical stage show, the Coming Out of Their Shells tour, is often consigned to the dustbin of history.

The plot was as flimsy as they come. The Turtles head out on a musical tour, determined to meet their fans across the world. While performing on stage, the tour gets interrupted by their enemy Shredder and his accomplice Baxter Stockman. The Turtles must then form a plan to defeat their enemy.

Highlights are hard to find. “April’s Theme” is a sickly ballad by their reporter sidekick, while “Skipping Stones” is performed by Splinter, their talking rat mentor. Sponsored by Pizza Hut, it was placed on pay-per-view television and released on VHS.^[1]

9 Via Galactica

The ’70s were a pretty strange time for science fiction. The moon landings had just taken place, but the technology burst of later decades was yet to happen. This led people to some pretty wild theories about what the future would hold. For some, that involved ping pong balls, trampolines, aluminum foil, and ballads.

Via Galactica was by Christopher Gore and Judith Ross, with music by Galt Macdermot. Macdermot had enjoyed success with the musical Hair, which had produced three chart hits. Yet he was not the only heavyweight involved in Via Galactica. Hollywood legend Raul Julia was in the cast along with Fame actress Irene Cara. Yet not even they could not save the convoluted plot and unworkable set.

The concept was to create a futuristic musical about society’s outcasts living on an asteroid. After running for just seven nights, it was canceled due to its terrible plot. The scenery and actors would sink into the trampoline surface of the set during performances. At one point, radio mics intercepted emergency service bands and broadcast fire and police radio to the audience. Cara would get stuck in the rigging, and Raul Julia was once locked in a spaceship suspended above the audience.

However, the lack of thought was easy to see with the initial title. Originally, it was supposed to be named “Up” and was to be performed at the Uris Theatre. Once pointed out, the name was quickly changed.^[2]

8 Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark

Take one outstanding director who had masterminded the million-dollar adaption of Disney’s Lion King for the stage. Add to that pop music royalty in the form of rock band U2. Finish this off with the most iconic superhero of all time. How could it fail?

The concept of a Spiderman musical had been floated when the first Spiderman movie proved a roaring success. However, problems began to appear when the producer, Tony Adams, had a stroke and passed away. A global financial crisis followed, in which many investors left the project. As well as facing a huge budget deficit, the musical also had numerous technical difficulties.

One of these involved the lead actor web-swinging above the audience but becoming stuck. This meant a crew member had to poke him down with a stick while he hung above the front two rows like a piñata.

The sophisticated equipment used for web-swinging across the theatre not only cost a lot to make but tended to injure performers. Concussions, broken wrists, and toes were all reported.

Even the music was lackluster. Rumors were that U2 had been so unfamiliar with musicals that a CD containing the best bits of 60 years of Broadway compiled onto it was burned for them. Imagine B-Sides from a mash-up of U2’s Joshua Tree and the Les Miserables soundtrack, and you may have some idea of what was in store.^[3]

7 Carrie: The Musical

At its core, Carrie is a horror film that deals with a female coming of age and menstruation. How anyone thought these themes would transfer to a musical format are unknown. Based on the novel by Stephen King, it lasted a mere five performances and is widely regarded as one of the biggest failures in the history of musicals.

The book from which it came had a very successful cinematic adaptation. The screenwriter, Lawrence D. Cohen, and the composer, Michael Gore, decided to set about creating musical material. Gore had previous experience with the hit Fame, showing he should have known better.

Carrie debuted in the UK in 1988 and was besieged by technical problems from the onset. One actress quit on the first night after a close call when a stage piece almost decapitated her. The most famous scene in the book and the whole movie, in which Carrie gets covered in pig’s blood, kept shorting out the lead actress’s microphone.

When the show moved to the states, it was already dead in the water. The press was as cruel as Carrie’s tormentors in the actual story. Yet, oddly enough, in life mimicking art, despite loud boos from the audience, the show sold out every night. It was as if people enjoyed wallowing in the misery of a terrible production.^[4]

6 Moby Dick: A Whale of a Tale

Whale hunting and teenage girls as objects of sexual desire are concepts rightly consigned to the past. Imagine, then, a musical that combines both of these into one politically incorrect and uncomfortable stage play.

The musical was created by Robert Longden and Hereward Kaye. Originally, it was a silly, musical hall-style tale in which a girl’s school decided to put on a stage play of Moby Dick. Complete with a drag-wearing headmistress and laden with innuendo-based gags, it toured universities like an early version of Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

After a string of sold-out shows, it was decided that the show needed a larger audience. It took up residency at the Piccadilly Theatre in London’s West End but faced terrible reviews and, after four months, was canceled. Although it did transfer to the states, it was toned down, and many of its contentious topics were removed.^[5]

5 Repo! The Genetic Opera

For this musical, we take a break from the stage and head to the big screen. If this movie was simply Repo! It would have a pretty good premise. Set in 2056, organ failure is plaguing the planet. GeneCo is a mega-corporation that provides replacements on a payment plan. Repo men are then hired to hunt down anyone who misses a payment and take the organs back for the company. It all sounds great… until the part where you turn this dark, dystopian story into an opera. Then cast Paris Hilton in it.

The movie has its genesis in a 2002 musical by Darren Smith and Terrance Zdunich. Smith had taken the inspiration from a friend’s bankruptcy, envisioning a future where body parts were viewed like property. It was a huge success, attracting gothic movie lovers in a similar vein to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. This led to the creation of a ten-minute trailer used for pitching to movie studios.

Most of the movie’s promotion came not from Lionsgate, the film’s backers, but from the cast and writers, who did a road tour of the musical. It did little to buoy what was a plot that did not deliver and contained some pretty standard musical numbers. However, it gained Paris Hilton an award for the Worst Supporting Actress at the Golden Raspberry Awards, second only to her win for Worst Actress at the same event.^[6]

4 Raggedy Ann: The Musical Adventure

Before her first and last musical outing, Raggedy Ann had a decent career. A series of successful books by Johnny Gruelle led to a 1977 animated feature film featuring the character with her sidekick Raggedy Andy. However, for some unknown reason, it was decided that her musical outing would take a dark turn.

The story is about a dying child from a broken home. Her dolls come to life and take her on a mission to meet the Doll Doctor, who may have the ability to save her. While it does have a heartwarming ending where she reunites with her father, themes touch on everything from genocide to sex, none of which are suitable for children.

Only lasting three days, the musical fell off the radar after its cancellation. Bootleg recordings have kept the show alive, and attempts have even been made to revive it, with little success.^[7]

3 The Toxic Avenger

For anyone who knows the original Toxic Avenger movie and character, a musical makes a lot of sense. Created by cult movie studio Troma, the story tells the tale of a mild-mannered janitor who falls into a vat of toxic waste. He then becomes a crime fighter, overthrowing a corrupt mayor and ending up as the hero of the town. After starting as a flop, the movie developed a cult following with three sequels, videogames, and inexplicably, a children’s cartoon.

The tongue-in-cheek approach of the movie and character lends itself to a musical format, and as such, reviews were quite favorable, with a fair few awards given to it. Starting life at the New Brunswick Theatre in New Jersey, it then went on to tour the U.S. and perform in Australia, the UK, and several high-profile festivals across the world.^[8]

2 Starmites

Despite not being a huge commercial hit, Starmites has longevity most musicals would be envious of. Running for two months on Broadway, it now even has a version available for children to perform. Starting in 1980, it has returned sporadically on and off for numerous different performances.

The story is about comic book-loving Eleanor, a shy teenager who often drifts into a fantasy world where she is the hero. It is one of these dreams in which the musical takes place, as the Starmites, Guardians of Inner Space, become involved in a battle with the Shak Graa. While it never set the world on fire, it is a good example of how to do a sci-fi musical without taking it so far it becomes laughable.^[9]

1 Evil Dead: The Musical

Everything is getting a musical as audiences clamor to find someplace to spend their dollars after venturing back into society. While many of them are lacking in quality, this one is actually good. Based on the cult Evil Dead movie series, the story follows a group of teenagers who unleash the undead and demonic entities while holidaying in the woods.

Part of its success is that, like Toxic Avenger, it carries the dry humor of its movie counterpart. It has one-liners, and the musical numbers written for the production are both great tunes and funny. It has now been performed over three hundred times around the world, though be warned if you go to see it that the audience does get covered in gore and guts, albeit fake.^[10]