Roman families would be both recognizable and unrecognizable today. Their strict social classes and lawful human rights violations will make any rational person glad to be alive in the 21st century. On the other hand, their homelier moments are eternal. Like today, children played similar games, the whole family coddled pets, and they enjoyed the finer things in life.

10Marriage Was A Mere Agreement

Girls married during their early teens while men tied the knot in their mid-twenties. Roman marriages were quick and easy and most didn’t flower from romance but from two agreements. The first would be between the couple’s families, who eyeballed each other to see if the proposed spouse’s wealth and social status were acceptable. If satisfied, a formal betrothal took place where a written agreement was signed and the couple kissed.

Unlike modern times, the wedding day didn’t cement a lawful institution (marriage had no legal power) but showed the couple’s intent to live together. A Roman citizen couldn’t marry his favorite prostitute, cousin, or, for the most part, non-Romans. A divorce was granted when the couple declared their intention to separate before seven witnesses. If a divorce carried the accusation that the wife had been unfaithful, she could never marry again. A guilty husband received no such penalty.

9Feast Or Famine

Social position determined how a family ate. Lower classes mostly had simple fare while the wealthy often used elaborate feasts to showcase their status. Bread featured heavily at both breakfast and lunch. While the lower classes added olives, cheese, and wine, the upper class enjoyed a better variety of meat, feast leftovers, and fresh produce. The very poor sometimes just ate porridge or handouts.

Meals were prepared by the women or slaves of the household, and the children served them. Nobody had forks, so food was consumed using their hands, spoons, and knives. Dinner parties of the Roman rich were legendary for their decadence and delicacies. Lasting hours, guests reclined on dining couches while slaves cleaned up the discarded scraps around them. All classes relished a stomach-churning sauce called garum. Basically the fermented guts of fish, it reeked so bad that it was forbidden to make it within city limits.

8The Insulae And Domus

One’s neighborhood pretty much depended on how high up the totem pole you were. Insulae were apartment buildings, but the kind that would make a modern safety inspector hit the roof. The majority of the Roman population lived in these seven-story-plus buildings. They were ripe for fire, collapse, and even flooding. The upper floors were reserved for the poor who had to pay rent daily or weekly.

Eviction was a constant fear for the families living in a one-room affair with no natural light or bathroom facilities. The first two floors of an insulae were reserved for those who had a better income. They paid rent annually and lived in multiple rooms with windows.

Wealthy Romans either lived in country villas or owned a domus in the city. A domus was a large, comfortable home. They were big enough to include the owner’s business shop, libraries, rooms, a kitchen, pool, and garden.

7Marital Sex

Things in the Roman bedroom weren’t exactly even. While women were expected to produce sons, uphold chastity, and remain loyal to their husbands, married men were allowed to wander. He even had a rule book. It was fine to have extramarital sex with partners of both genders, but it had to be with slaves, prostitutes, or a concubine/mistress. Wives could do nothing about it since it was socially acceptable and even expected from a man.

While undoubtedly there were married couples who used passion as an expression of affection for one another, the general unsympathetic view was that women tied the knot to have children and not to enjoy a great sex life. That was for the husband to savor, and some savored it a little too much—slaves had no rights over their own bodies, so the rape of a slave was not legally recognized.

6Legal Infanticide

Fathers held the power of life or death for a newborn, even without the mother’s input. After birth, the baby was placed at his feet. If the father picked it up, the child remained at home. Otherwise, it was abandoned outside for anyone to pick up—or to die of exposure. Roman infants faced rejection if they were born deformed, a daughter, or if a poor family couldn’t support another child. If the father was suspicious about the kid’s real paternity, he or she could be dumped near a refuge area.

The lucky ones were adopted by childless couples and received the family’s name. The rest risked being sold as slaves or prostitutes or being deliberately maimed by beggars who displayed such children to get more sympathy. If older children displeased their father, he also had the legal backing to sell them as slaves or kill them.

5Leisure For The Family

Downtime was a big part of Roman family life. Usually, starting at noon, the upper crust of society dedicated their day to leisure. Most enjoyable activities were public and shared by rich and poor alike, male and female—watching gladiators disembowel each other, cheering chariot races, or attending the theatre.

Citizens also spent a lot of time at public baths, which wasn’t your average tub and towel affair. A Roman bath typically had a gym, pool, and a health center. Certain locales even offered prostitutes. Children had their own favorite pastimes. Boys preferred to be more active, wrestling, flying kites, or playing war games. Girls occupied themselves with things like dolls and board games. Families also enjoyed just relaxing with each other and their pets.

4Education

Education depended on a child’s social status and gender. Formal education was the privilege of high-born boys, while girls from good families were only allowed to learn how to read and write. Schooling in Latin, reading, writing, and arithmetic were usually the mother’s duty until age seven, when boys received a teacher.

Affluent families had private tutors or educated slaves for this role; otherwise, the boys were sent to private schools. Education for male pupils included physical training to prepare them for military service as well as later assuming a masculine role in society. Country folk or children born of slaves received little to no formal education. To them it was more practical that sons learn their trades from their fathers and little girls learn housekeeping. There were no public schools for disadvantaged children to attend. The closest thing was informal get-togethers that were run and taught by freed slaves.

3Coming Of Age

While daughters crossed the threshold of adulthood almost unnoticed, a special ceremony marked a boy’s transition to manhood. Depending on his mental and physical prowess, a father decided when his son was grown (usually around 14–17).

On the chosen morning, the youth discarded his bulla and childhood toga, and a sacrifice was given. His father then dressed him in the white tunic of a man. If the older man had rank, the tunic reflected this—two wide crimson stripes if he was a senator and slim ones for a knight. The last of the new clothing was the toga virilis or toga libera, worn only by adult males. The father then gathered a large crowd to escort his son to the Forum. Once there, the boy’s name was registered, and he officially became a Roman citizen. After that, the new teenage man could expect an apprenticeship for a year in a profession of his father’s choosing.

2Pets

When it comes to ancient Rome’s animal policies, one can be forgiven if the first image that comes to mind is gory slaughter at the Colosseum. However, private citizens cherished their household pets. Dogs were by far the favorite, but cats were not uncommon. House-snakes were appreciated as ratters, and domesticated birds were also delighted in. Nightingales and green Indian parrots were all the rage because they could mimic human words.

Cranes, herons, swans, quail, geese, and ducks were also kept. While the last three proved very popular, Roman fondness and treatment of peacocks was almost on par with dogs. Some cruelty existed in bird fighting, but it wasn’t a widespread sport. Roman pets were so deeply loved that they were immortalized in art and poetry and even buried with their masters. Other pets included hares (a popular gift exchanged by lovers), goats, deer, apes, and fish.

1Women’s Independence

Ancient Rome wasn’t an easy place to be a woman. Any hopes of being able to vote or of following a career was about as possible as a modern person trying to pluck a diamond out of thin air. Girls were sidelined to a life in the home and childbirth, suffering a philandering husband (if he was so inclined), and having little power in the marriage and no legal claim to her children.

However, because child mortality was so high, the state rewarded Roman wives for giving birth. The prize was perhaps what most women dearly wanted: legal independence. If a free-born woman managed three live births (four for a former slave), she was awarded with independent status as a person. Only by surviving this serial-birthing could a woman hope to escape being a man’s property and finally take control over her own affairs and life.

Would you ever expect a government to ban a family film from release? Since they are based at a young audience, family films usually do not contain content that would anger film censors. But these films—which certainly look “kid-friendly” on the surface—were prohibited from being screened in certain countries for surprising reasons that don’t always make sense. Is it true that you can find a controversy in everything? Or were these films banned for legitimate reasons? Let’s find out.

SEE ALSO: 10 Beloved Children’s Books Banned For Stupid Reasons

10 Every Marx Brothers Movie (Germany)

The Marx Brothers are a comedy staple. Between 1905 and 1949, they made thirteen feature films, several of which are considered the funniest movies of all time. But between 1933 and 1945, you couldn’t watch any of their films in Germany for one simple reason—the members of the famous comedy troupe were Jewish. However, Germany wasn’t the only country to ban the Marx Brothers’ films. Italy banned their 1933 film “Duck Soup” because Prime Minister Benito Mussolini viewed the film as a personal attack, and Ireland banned their 1931 film “Monkey Business” for appearing to promote anarchism (although they later permitted a cut version of the film).^[1]

9Beauty and the Beast, 2017 (Kuwait and Malaysia)

Controversy found its way to the 2017 “Beauty and the Beast” remake when, prior to the film’s release, director Bill Condon mentioned a “gay moment” in the film. Kuwait and Malaysia (both primarily Muslim countries) banned the film for its homosexual undertones, although the only “gay” activity actually appearing on-screen is a three-second clip of two men dancing. However, Malaysia later gave the green light to an uncut version of the film, released with a P13 rating, with the Malaysia Ministry of Home Affairs saying that “the gay elements in the film are minor, and [do] not affect the positive elements featured in the film”.^[2]

8 The Barnyard Battle (Germany)

Germany censored the 1929 Mickey Mouse short “The Barnyard Battle”, which features an army of cats fighting an army of mice, because the cats’ headgear resembles a German military helmet known as the “pickelhaube”. Both the United Kingdom and Germany banned another Mickey Mouse short, “The Mad Doctor”, for its horror elements.^[3]

7 Little Women (Manila)

In 1998, actress Claire Danes described Manila as “smell[ing] of cockroaches, with rats all over”, and made several other disparaging remarks about the city. Because of this, the Philippine government declared her “persona non grata” and Manila placed a ban on all films starring her, even “Little Women”, one of her best-reviewed films of all time as well as an established family classic. Although Danes later apologized for her comments, the ban on her films remains in effect.^[4]

6 Barney’s Great Adventure (Malaysia)

This one is a bit of a mystery. Malaysia banned the 1998 film “Barney’s Great Adventure” for being “unsuitable for children to watch”. Parents and educators have long criticized Barney for offering children “a one-dimensional world where everyone must be happy”, leading to several offensive parodies of the franchise, some of which resulted in legal cases. However, while Barney is one of the most hated franchises of all time, no reason was ever given for why exactly the movie was “unsuitable”.^[5]

5Abominable (Vietnam, the Philippines, and Malaysia)

Vietnam, the Philippines, and Malaysia all banned “Abominable”, a DreamWorks Animation film featuring the adventures of a Yeti and an adventurous girl. Why? Because the film uses a map which features a variant of the “nine-dash line”, a controversial demarcation line used to claim total Chinese ownership of a section of the South China Sea that multiple countries (including Vietnam, the Philippines, and Malaysia) have territorial claims over.^[6]

4Back to the Future (China)

China banned “Back to the Future” for depicting—of all things—time travel. The State Administration of Radio, Film, and Television explained the ban by saying that time travel in media treats “serious history in a frivolous way, which should by no means be encouraged anymore”. The ban might not make very much sense, but, then again, neither did “Back to the Future”.^[7]

3 Wonder Woman (Arab League)

You probably would not be able to guess offhand why the Arab League banned “Wonder Woman”. Lebanon pulled the film from distribution because Gal Gadot, the lead actress, served for two years in the Israeli Defense Force and has expressed support for Israel on social media. Because of their history of conflicts with Israel, Lebanon bans the purchase of Israeli products (although Lebanon did allow the release of the film “Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice” featuring Gadot, despite a movement to boycott it). Rania Masri, a member of the Campaign to Boycott Supporters of Israel—Lebanon, said releasing “Wonder Woman” in Lebanon would be “normalizing relations with an enemy state”, something they refuse to do. Tunisia and Qatar also banned the film, for much the same reasons.^[8]

2 Shrek 2 (Israel)

While Lebanon banned “Wonder Woman” based on its lead, Israel banned a film for a completely different reason. Israel blocked the sequel to DreamWorks Animation’s popular film “Shrek” for a joke in the Hebrew dub about popular Israeli singer David Daor. Apparently because of the singer’s famed falsetto, a character threatens to emasculate another by saying “Let’s do a David Daor on him”. “This film intends to present me, in perpetuity, as a eunuch, a man with no testicles, and turn me into a laughing stock,” Daor said to an Israeli newspaper. A Tel Aviv District Court had the film removed from a handful of theaters before the distributors of the Hebrew dub decided to change the line to “let’s take a sword and neuter him”, satisfying Daor’s lawyers.^[9]

1 Christopher Robin (China and Taiwan)

This incident takes the number-one spot because it remains the only case in which a country blocked a film from release because of an Internet meme. That’s right, after a slew of memes spread by PewDiePie (banned for the same reason) in July 2017 comparing Chinese leader Xi Jinping to children’s book character Winnie-the-Pooh, China blocked references to Winnie on social media. This led to “Christopher Robin”, a film adapted from the Winnie-the-Pooh stories, being denied a release in China.^[10]

About The Author: Izak Bulten is an animator and amateur film historian who loves writing articles about conspiracy theories, pop culture, and “crazy-but-true” stories. He’s created logic puzzles for World Sudoku Champion Thomas Synder’s blog, “The Art of Puzzles“, and the e-book “The Puzzlemaster’s Workshop”. More recently, he’s been writing animation news for his blog, “The Magic Lantern Show“.

Being a member of the British royal family isn’t as easy as it looks. You can’t be political, controversial, or show emotion. And any slipup you do make will be all over the news across the globe in very short order.

The queen mother’s motto was, “Never complain, never explain,” but when words fail, actions can speak louder, and those actions can be passive-aggressive or just plain ruthless. Here are ten examples of when a royal let their guard down.

10 Taking The Saudi Prince For A Ride

Queen Elizabeth II loves to drive. She learned during World War II as second subaltern in the Women’s Auxiliary Territorial Service as a truck driver. As queen, she is not required to hold a driver’s license.

Former Saudi ambassador Sherard Cowper-Coles recalled a visit made by Crown Prince Abdullah in 1998.^[1] After lunch at Balmoral, the queen suggested a tour of the Scottish estate and directed her guest toward the royal Land Rover. The crown prince sat down in the passenger side and was shocked to see the queen position herself in the driver’s seat. She started the engine and tore around the narrow roads, chatting away to the prince as they went over the rough terrain. Eventually, the panicky prince was forced to ask her—through his interpreter—to slow down. It may be a coincidence, but at the time, women were banned from driving in Saudi Arabia.

The prince survived his spin with the queen, and in June 2018, Saudi Arabia’s driving ban was finally lifted.

9 The Trial Of Paul Burrell

Paul Burrell (left above) was personal footman to Queen Elizabeth II and then went on to work for Princess Diana. The two formed a close bond, and Diana allegedly referred to him as “my Rock.” After her death in August 1997, Burrell quickly rose to fame. He became a regular on TV and took on a high-profile role with the charity set up in her name.

On January 18, 2001, Police raided Burrell’s home and found 342 items belonging to Diana hidden in the attic. The haul included signed CDs, clothing, personal letters, and photo albums. Burrell strongly denied any wrongdoing. He was charged with theft, and the trial began in October 2002.

The world’s press were out in force to report on the story. However, on day nine, the case was adjourned. The judge, Mrs. Justice Rafferty, sent the jurors home with no explanation. The following day, they were again told to stay home. Meanwhile, the queen, who had been unaware of the case, had seen a news report about the trial. She then recalled Burrell telling her that he had Diana’s possessions stored safely in his home.^[2] The police were informed, and Prosecutor William Boyce, QC, told the court there was no longer a realistic prospect of conviction. Burrell was free to go.

Outside the court, he famously said: “The queen came through for me.”

This brought an abrupt end to what many predicted would be a lengthy trial full of royal secrets. A spokesman for Buckingham Palace said, “There is no question of the Queen interfering.” Diana’s possessions were returned to her family, and Burrell continued with his media career. The royal family have never commented on the case of Diana’s missing things.

8 The Queen Puts Mrs. Thatcher In Her Place

Margaret Thatcher became the first female prime minister of the UK. Together, Queen Elizabeth II and Mrs. Thatcher were the most powerful women in the country. The queen was often irritated by Thatcher’s habit of turning up early for their meetings and had been heard referring to her as “that woman.” When Thatcher suggested that she and the queen should match their outfits for an occasion, Buckingham Palace responded: “The Queen does not notice what other people are wearing.”

The Commonwealth countries were important to Queen Elizabeth—having spent much time on tours there. Thatcher saw it as an outdated institution. Matters came to a head in the 1980s as people became uneasy about apartheid in South Africa.^[3] The queen wanted to impose trade sanctions as a way of keeping the Commonwealth united. Thatcher disagreed.

In 1986, a headline appeared in The Sunday Times : “Queen dismayed by ‘uncaring’ Thatcher.”

The article went on to detail the rift between them. The Palace issued a denial, and the queen personally telephoned Thatcher. This was puzzling for the editor of The Sunday Times, as his source for the story was Michael Shea—the queen’s press secretary. It was unthinkable that Shea would have spoken without royal approval.

Despite this, Elizabeth grew to respect Thatcher. After Thatcher’s death in 2013, the queen made a last-minute decision to attend her funeral, even though duty did not require her to.

7 Royal Nanny Out In The Cold

The first rule of working for the royal family is: Keep your mouth shut. In 1932, Marion Crawford was employed as nanny to Princesses Elizabeth and Margaret. Their privacy ended forever when their uncle, Edward VII, abdicated to marry Mrs. Simpson, making their father King. The family moved into Buckingham Palace, and “Crawfie,” as Marion was known, went with them.

Over the years, Crawfie became such a trusted servant to the royals that she stayed in service until 1948, when Princess Elizabeth became engaged to Phillip Mountbatten.

In 1949 the American Ladies’ Home Journal approached her for a piece they were writing on royal children.^[4] Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother (aka the mother of Elizabeth and Margaret) thought it would be a good way for Crawfie to earn some extra money. There was a strict understanding, however, that she would be anonymous.

The article was full of sweet anecdotes from the royal nursery and perfect for the American public. But when the magazine hit the stands, there was one glaring mistake—Marion Crawford was named as the interviewee. The queen mother was furious and instantly blamed Crawfie, saying that she had “gone off her head.”

The family severed all ties with Crawfie, who moved back to Scotland and never got over the rejection. She suffered from depression and attempted suicide twice. She kept the letters from the queen mother giving her consent to speak to the magazine locked away. Even though they could have cleared her name, she refused to release them.

Marion Crawford died in a nursing home in 1988, still hoping to hear from the royal family. In her will, she requested that all personal letters be returned to the Palace for safekeeping. The royal family have never mentioned her again or the role she played in shaping the future queen.

6 Diana’s Rage

After his divorce from Diana, Charles employed Alexandra “Tiggy” Legge-Bourke, a well-connected young woman, to help care for his sons. Tiggy’s job was to be a fun older sister rather than stern nanny, and she quickly formed a close bond with the princes. Their mother was not impressed with Tiggy’s role. Tensions grew between the two households, and soon, Diana began to suspect, wrongly, that Tiggy and Charles were having an affair. Diana seized upon a false rumor doing the rounds that Tiggy had gotten an abortion. Diana made an appearance at a staff party in December 1996, strolled up to Tiggy, and allegedly said: “So sorry about the baby.”

Tiggy instructed top libel lawyer Peter Carter-Ruck to write to Diana’s solicitors demanding an apology for the offending remark.^[5] Tiggy continued to work for Charles until 1999, when she left to get married. She has remained close to Princes William and Harry.

5 The Attempted Kidnap Of Princess Anne

Princess Anne is known to be a strong character, and this was tested to the limit when Ian Ball attempted to kidnap Queen Elizabeth II’s only daughter.^[6] On March 20, 1974, the princess, her husband Mark Phillips, a bodyguard, and Anne’s lady-in-waiting were traveling in a royal limousine. Ball, a 26-year-old unemployed man from London, drove his car into the royals’ vehicle and then jumped out, brandishing two handguns. Anne’s bodyguard approached him and was shot in the shoulder. Ball then tried to get into the car, shouting, “Open or I’ll shoot!” Anne and Phillips tried to hold the door shut.

Anne’s chauffeur approached Ball, only to be shot in the chest. Ball was now free to reach into the car, and he seized Anne’s wrist while Phillips—a captain in the British Army—clamped onto her waist.

“Please come out,” pleaded Ball.

“Not bloody likely!” was Anne’s reply.

Incredibly, Ball shot a further two people—a police officer and motorist who tried to help. Finally, a passerby punched Ball in the head. As police arrived, Anne bizarrely said to Ball, “Go on, now’s your chance.” Ball fled toward a park but was caught and arrested.

On searching Ball’s rented vehicle, police found handcuffs, Valium, and a ransom note addressed to the queen. The note demanded that £2 million be delivered in person by the queen and stated, “Anne will be shot dead.”

Ball was sentenced to life in a psychiatric unit. All those who came to Anne’s aid survived and were rewarded. Anne later described her experience with Ball as “a very irritating conversation.”

4 The Death Of A Princess

On August 31, 1997, Princess Diana was killed in a car accident in Paris. The news of her sudden death caused shock around the world. The royal family was on their summer break in Scotland. Apart from a short statement, little was heard from the royals about the tragedy.

In London, crowds flocked toward her home, Kensington Palace. People laid flowers and wept openly in the streets, and there was a growing mood of anger toward the royals. Some people began to turn their attention to Buckingham Palace, where the flag was still flying at full mast. To some, this was symbolic of how Diana had been treated in life.

In reality, the queen’s flag, called the Royal Standard, is never flown at half-mast, as it represents the monarchy itself, which is continuous.^[7] When a monarch dies, there is instantly another to take their place. There was no Royal Standard flying from Buckingham Palace at that time, as the queen wasn’t in residence. Instead, it was the Union Jack, which is only flown at half-mast when a royal styled as “HRH” dies. Diana, as ex-wife of Prince Charles, had lost her HRH status in their divorce.

The media picked up on the public mood, and stories about the coldness of the royal family began to appear along with scenes of public anger. Headlines screamed, “Where is the Queen?” The Royal family stayed on holiday, and the flag stayed at full mast.

The night before the funeral, the queen made an unexpected speech on TV and paid tribute to Diana. Finally, on the morning of the funeral—without announcement—the flag was lowered to half-mast and stayed there until midnight as a last-minute mark of respect.

3 Farewell, Britannia

Some of Queen Elizabeth II’s happiest days were spent with her family on the royal yacht, Britannia. Launched in 1953, she toured the world and hosted many famous guests, including Winston Churchill and Nelson Mandela. Britannia was also used for the queen’s private family holidays and was the place she felt most at peace.

In 1997, Tony Blair was the new prime minister. In a cost-cutting exercise, he blocked a £17 million refurbishing bill for the Britannia. At the time, the royals were being criticized for the cost of works at Windsor Castle after a fire. Blair made it clear that he would prefer the money to be spent on public services. The royals are not allowed to air political views, and so in December 1997, Britiannia was decommissioned.^[8]

Queen Elizabeth and Princess Anne stood at the dock and openly wept as Britannia was sent to become a tourist attraction next to a shopping mall in Edinburgh. Even 14 years later, the loss was still felt by the royal family. In an interview, Prince Phillip commented, “She was sound as a bell and she could have gone on for another 50 years.” This may also explain why, when Prince William married Kate Middleton in 2011, the only former prime minister not to receive an invitation was one Tony Blair.

2 An Awkward Meeting

Queen Elizabeth II was very close to her cousin, Lord Mountbatten, who became a mentor to the young Prince Charles. In 1979, Mountbatten was killed when a terrorist bomb exploded on his boat in Ireland. His grandson, 14, and a local boy, aged 15, were also killed. The IRA claimed responsibility for the attack.

Martin McGuinness was a former IRA leader who later became deputy first minister of Northern Ireland.^[9] In June 2012, the queen made history when, on a visit to Belfast, she met and shook hands in public with McGuinness. On their second meeting in 2016, when he asked her how she was, she responded, “Well, I’m still alive.”

1 Sitting Pretty

Marrying into the royal family can be tricky. Even if you are accepted, your family may not quite match their requirements. Famously, many in-laws quietly fade into the background. (Thomas Markle, take note.)

When Kate Middleton married Prince William, her family were thrust into the spotlight. They appeared to be a loving and close unit, in contrast to Prince Charles, who could be awkward and distant. After the arrival of his grandchildren, Charles began to feel that he was being edged out of their life. Matters came to a head when the couple chose to spend Christmas with her parents, avoiding the traditional meet at Sandringham.

Aware of his disapproval, Charles’s staff began to freeze out the Middletons, which upset William.^[10] News of the rift reached the queen, who was reportedly very fond of Kate’s family. A few weeks later in September 2016, the Middletons were invited to stay at Balmoral as personal guests of the queen.

The press turned out to photograph the royal group as they drove to a shooting party and were treated to the sight of the queen behind the wheel with Kate Middleton next to her as guest of honor. Her security team were relegated to the back seats. Game, set, and match to her Majesty.

I am an avid reader of and thought I would try my hand at a list. I have an interest in the royal family and history, but my first attempt may be a bit clunky. I am keen to improve, so feedback is gratefully accepted.

Most famous vacation spots suck. It’s just a fact. They used to be great but time and opportunism have reduced them all to expensive, crowded, commoditized versions of themselves. Nowadays taking the family to see Mount Rushmore is not so much about admiring the megalithic majesty as it is about taking a photo, buying a shirt, complaining about parking, heading home, and editing out the crowd of tourists in the photo. 

That’s not to say that there aren’t hundreds of amazing sights, activities, and memories waiting for you on your future vacations, just that those good times aren’t exactly where they used to be. New must-see spots pop up all the time while the old standbys march past their prime. Here are ten of those so-called must-sees that aren’t worth the hype, i.e., ten of the worst vacation spots in America.

10 Atlantic City

For an entire century, Atlantic City was one of the premier vacation destinations for American families. In the 1910s-1930s, its newly-erected hotels were flooded with guests who flocked to its beaches and famous boardwalk. Even the post-WWII hardships caused by the explosion of suburban homes with private pools didn’t kill the city. The addition of legalized gambling revitalized it and rebranded it as the East Coast Las Vegas. And it stayed that way until the turn of the century beat the once-proud city into a pulp.

With Las Vegas on the rise and an economic recession in full swing, Atlantic City started to die in the 2000s. Five of its major casinos closed, jobs dried up, and the city currently has one of the highest foreclosure rates in the country. It’s just sad to be there. The skyline is darker than it used to be and so are the city’s prospects. A last-ditch revitalization effort was recently nixed due to the pandemic, and its city council president recently described the future as a potential “Armageddon in Atlantic City.”

9 Downtown Nashville

For country music fans, Nashville is a must. It’s the undisputed home of country music and one of the nation’s greatest musical hotspots. Walking down its neon-lit streets, music-lovers can hop from bar to bar, catching all of tomorrow’s greatest singers on their way up to stardom. Well, in theory.

In reality, the Nashville that people picture is just one tiny downtown area surrounded by miles and miles of suburbia. “The Music City” is really just “The Music Half a Mile and Lots of Strip Malls.” You can walk the whole main drag in a few hours and be done with that city. And sure, there are some great neighborhoods to live in, but not to vacation in. Nashville is better as a one-night stop on your way to somewhere better.

8 The Empire State Building

Manhattan’s Empire State Building is one of the most recognizable buildings in the world. It was also the tallest building in the world for 39 years. It’s perhaps the single most central component of the already spectacular New York City skyline. This is ironically why the view from atop it is pretty disappointing.

One of the main reasons to reach the top of one of the world’s tallest buildings (only 49th?!) is the view, especially in a metropolis like New York City. Except for the view from atop the Empire State Building is A.) not even atop it, just the 86th floor unless you pay extra, B.) obscured by crisscrossing safety rails, and C.) has no Empire State Building in it. Combine that with the insane price per ticket and multi-hour wait time and you get a tourist trap that is entirely skippable.

7 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Let’s be clear: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is super fun to visit if you’re a music fan, especially if classic rock, first wave psychedelia, or guitars are your thing. The reason the Hall of Fame is one of the worst spots to visit is entirely because it’s in Cleveland.

Cleveland, Ohio is nicknamed “The Mistake by the Lake” for a reason. The city is incredibly poor and as a result, the crime rate is staggering. It has four times the violent crime as the national average. It’s rated more dangerous than 98% of American cities. Its pollution problem is so bad that its rivers catch fire. Though Drew Carey once got us all to sing that Cleveland rocks, the parody phrase Cleveland sucks has easily become the more popular slogan.

6 Roswell

Alien lovers rejoice! There’s a mecca for xenophiles on Earth and lucky for us Americans, and it’s just a stone’s throw from Albuquerque, NM. Any sci-fi-loving family is in for a treat at the UFO capital of the world. Roswell is famous for being the country’s most active hotspot for UFO activity… wait. Depending on the metric, that’s actually either Washington or Vermont. Well at least Roswell is home to the infamous Area 51… no wait, that’s about 700 miles away in Nevada.

Okay, well, at least Roswell is the site of the most famous UFO incident in history, the 1947 Roswell incident. It’s in the name! Except that crash was about 75 miles north of Roswell and closer to Corona or Albuquerque. What is Roswell famous for again?

5 Plymouth Rock

The family road trip is an American staple. And because every corner of the US is dotted with monuments and landmarks that recount its history, road trips can be as educational as they are fun. What better way to start or end such a fun family trip than at Plymouth Rock, where the Pilgrims famously first landed on the Mayflower, beginning the first settlement of America. Oof, where to begin.

1. Native peoples already settled America. 
2. France and Spain had already created colonies in the country. 
3. Even the English already had started colonies at Roanoke and Jamestown. 
4. The Pilgrims landed and disembarked at Provincetown before Plymouth. 
5. The Pilgrims didn’t land on the rock at all. Possibly not even near it. 
6. There isn’t a single account from any Pilgrim that mentions the rock at all. 
7. The first person to claim that the rock had anything to do with the pilgrims did so 121 years after the Pilgrims landed. 
8. And best of all, once you see it in person, you’ll know: the thing is tiny, plain, and hidden in its own little canopy. 

As just a random rock only mythically associated with one of many European colonies, there are better fake monuments to stop for.

4 Hollywood

Take everything I said about Roswell, replace the words’ aliens’ and ‘UFOs’ with ‘stars’ and ‘celebs,’ and you get Hollywood. Millions visit Hollywood every year for the chance to bump elbows with a-listers, apparently not understanding that if you were a celebrity, that is the last place you would ever hang out.

Can you imagine if Harrison Ford actually spent his days patrolling around his footprints on the Walk of Fame? You wouldn’t want a picture; you’d want to find him a hobby and a therapist. Instead of actors, Hollywood is full of overpriced shops, homeless people, desperate failed actors in Spider-Man costumes, and oh yeah—thousands of other tourists.

3 The Mall of America

Malls are really in their own renaissance right now. Because online shopping was never invented, malls have only gotten bigger, better, and more alive. Oops, it’s the opposite, and malls are dying left and right. Most that are still around are left with empty storefronts and abandoned sections that make them look like a George Romero movie. But even the best and most vibrant of them, like the Mall of America, are still just malls.

Even the best mall in the country is still just a mall with the same stores as every other mall—just more of them. Is it really a vacation destination just because there are two Sephoras instead of one? Do you really need to visit the Gap, Aeropostale, and L.L. Bean back to back? Don’t you have enough fleece vests? Won’t that Sbarro taste the same as every Sbarro? Making a lame thing bigger doesn’t make it a vacation.

2 Times Square

Not much needs to be said about Times Square. The fact that it was ever considered a sight to see is baffling. It is an intersection with a lot of advertisements. That’s it. Sure, there are shops too, but they sell M&M’s in less crowded places, trust me.

I suppose you could go during the New Year’s Eve ball drop, but be prepared to wait ten hours in a standing-room-only crowd with a diaper on because there is no other way to pee.

1 Disney World

Disney World might be the single most famous vacation destination in the world. In several ways, it’s the best place ever, especially if you can suspend your disbelief and allow yourself to commit fully. Disney World is where dreams come true. But those dreams come at a price. A few dozen major prices, actually, which you’ll pay constantly and all at once.

For one, there’s the actual price. To spend one week at Disney World as a family of four, it will cost as much as a car. Not a new car, but definitely not an old one. While you’re there, everywhere you go is screaming kid after screaming kid. And everything they sell there—which is everything not bolted down—is designed to make kids scream even more. That includes the food, which is just sugar on fat on sugar. 

And everything has a line. You’ll walk half an hour to then wait an hour for a three-minute ride so you can walk another half an hour to wait another hour, etc. Probably worst of all: it’s in Orlando. Orlando is its own pocket dimension ruled by meth, mosquitoes, and violent crime. Yes, it’s fun seeing Mickey Mouse, but not in exchange for half a year’s salary, 20 pounds, and a novel strain of malaria.