How hard can it be to build a colonial empire? You jump on a boat, make friends with the natives (then butcher them into compliance), build a few houses, plant a few seeds, add water, and bingo! You have your very own USA, complete with Disneyland, Apple, and McDonald’s.

As easy as it seems, it turns out that many DIY colonial ambitions fell foul along the way, either from conflict, disease, financial infeasibility, or perhaps even otherworldly powers. What follows are 10 examples of colonial enterprises that ended in failure.

10 Little Venice (Klein-Venedig)
1528–1546

Indebted to the Welsers, a prominent German banking family from the early to mid-16th century, Spain granted colonial rights to a German enterprise to establish a colony in what is today Venezuela.

Bent on finding the lost city of El Dorado, German colonists, with the help of some African slaves, faced tropical disease, surprisingly angry natives (turns out native people don’t like being poked and prodded by sunbed-hogging Europeans), and a particularly incensed conquistador who sought to establish Spanish dominance over the region with a sword to the back of the neck of those pesky German adventurers.^[1]

With the death of Spain’s Charles V (who had granted the Germans the colony) and Spain’s own ambitions in the region, Little Venice became no more. In the end, it turns out that the Germans were after the wrong color of gold. A few centuries later, El Dorado was discovered, but it was underground in the form of oil.

9 Sagallo
1889

What do you do if all your European friends carve up the continent of Africa and don’t give you a piece of the pie?

Well, for one Russian adventurer, Nikolai Ivanovitch Achinov, you just turn up, whack a flag in the ground, and wait for that sweet, sweet empire money to roll in. That is, of course, if you didn’t just rock up on the nascent territory of French Djibouti and you lacked any support from your own government.

When the French authorities discovered the location of Russian Sagallo, they welcomed their neighbors with some good old-fashioned gunboat diplomacy. Killing not only a few Russian settlers, but any Russian ambition on the continent.^[2]

8 Dutch Formosa
1624–1662

Known today as Taiwan, this turbulent little island has enjoyed its fair share of imperial ping-pong (with Taiwan being the ball). Aside from the contemporary controversy between Taiwan and mainland China and while many remember it as part of the former Empire of Japan, few remember little old Dutch Formosa.

In a bid to bring peace and harmony to the then-native Formosans (just kidding, to exploit trade with China and Japan and drive a wedge between Spanish and Portuguese ambitions in Asia), the Dutch East India Company slowly but surely brought much of the southern half of the island into the Dutch sphere of influence.

Economic growth on the island didn’t stop uprising after uprising, from the natives to the Han immigrants brought over by the Dutch. Ultimately, however, it was the Dutch attempt to curry favor with the rising Qing dynasty in China that saw it fall foul of a superior (albeit declining) Ming dynasty that put an end to Dutch colonial ambitions on the island.^[3]

7 Darien Scheme
1698–1700

Up to this point, we’ve checked in with some of the heavy hitters of the colonial game. Now for an underdog (and in the end, a complete failure)—Scotland! Scotland doesn’t seem like the likeliest candidate for imperial glory, and sadly for Scotland, it wasn’t a candidate for long.

The scheme—hoping to turn Scotland into nascent trading power—involved establishing a colony in what is now Panama to ship, over land, goods from the Pacific to the Caribbean, and vice versa. The Scots, however, faced all the usual hardships of establishing a colony—supply issues, disease, and rival pressures.

Ultimately, the whole affair was a disaster!

England refused to support the Scots for fear of angering the Spanish, who were dominant in the region. The first attempt to establish a colony resulted in the deaths of most involved and the abandonment of what had been built. The second attempt was put to an end by a Spanish force of arms.

In the end, the Scottish people were left humiliated, economically weak from the endeavor, and prime for the taking by their English neighbors.^[4]

6 Santo Tomas
1843–1854

Just because Scotland was an unlikely candidate for colonial success doesn’t necessarily mean size matters. In the colonial era, it was very much the nail you were hitting rather than the size of the hammer, if you get what I’m saying. Take Belgium, for example. You could lose Belgium in its Congolese possession many times over! But that’s not to say that Belgium’s success in one endeavor was indicative of its success in all.^[5]

Santo Tomas was a Belgian colony in Guatemala that was authorized this time by the local government after a failed British endeavor. However, disease took its toll on the inhabitants and made the colony financially ruinous, leading to the Belgian abandonment of the enterprise.

Don’t feel too bad. Belgium’s later track record in the Congo proves that just because you’re a small country doesn’t mean you can’t slaughter the natives like the big boys.

5 Nicobar Islands
1778–1783

While some states might surprise you in their colonial success, others may amaze you with their colonial failures. It is easy to see on first glance how many may be shocked that the mighty Austro-Hungarian Empire had few to no colonial possessions, but on a deeper exploration, it is boringly unsurprising.

A lack of a mighty fleet, prime real estate for conflict in Europe, and what appears to be either unrivaled insight or a fool’s hope of turning a barren rock into a mighty trading post ultimately led to the complete failure of Austria’s Indian Ocean dream. Low supplies, disease, and a complete lack of enthusiasm on the side of the Austrian government led to the colony’s abandonment in 1783.^[6]

4 Tobago
1639–1690

Courland, a small vassal state of what was then Poland-Lithuania, was another example of the little country which could-n’t! From 1639 to 1690, this small but wealthy state attempted to realize its imperial ambition by establishing a colony on the island of Tobago in the Caribbean.

However, like much of the Americas at this time, little Courland was sneaking in the back door of Spain, which was eventually hoodwinked after thwarting a number of attempts. Courland established the foundation of the mighty imperial colonial Empire of Courland.

However, the empire was thwarted by angry locals and the fledgling colony was swiftly abandoned . . . until the empire struck back! But then the empire was again defeated, but this time by the Dutch. They had also begun colonizing Tobago and would eventually conquer the Courlanders.^[7]

Until, of course, the empire struck back once more! But this time, the Spanish forced them off.

By this point, Courland’s nascent dreams of world domination were beginning to mirror George Lucas’s CGI Jabba. (Why, George? WHY?!) Several more fruitless attempts at establishing a colony on Tobago eventually led to George Lucas getting the message and just selling Star Wars to Disney and letting someone else have a go at ruining the franchise . . .  I mean, led to Courland finally throwing in the towel on its fun in the sun.

3 River Plate
1806–1807

While not really a colony but an attempt to create one, the British invasion of the River Plate in what would become Argentina is a notable attempt by the largest empire ever to exist to try and establish a notable presence in the South American continent.

Coming quite late to the colonial game in South America, Britain had hoped to take advantage of a pre-occupied Spain (which had its navy smashed at Trafalgar in 1805) and finally create a notable presence on the continent. However, rather than angry natives and disease to grind any hope of establishing a colony to dust, the British were met with a large local militia with nascent dreams of independence and no desire to bend the knee to yet another largely absent European Crown.

While making initial inroads against the locals, the invading British force found itself overwhelmed by the irregular force, taking heavy casualties and met with stern refusal to accept a cease-fire. The British eventually surrendered. But in their wake, they left a burning desire for independence from a Spain that had long since passed its prime.^[8]

2 Fort Ross
1812–1842

Long before San Francisco was known for its exorbitant house prices and its tendency to lean so far to the left that the Statue of Liberty has to hold on to the side of the East Coast as if it was going down like the Titanic, Mother Russia once enjoyed a little slice of California not too far from the city.

Far from any other Russian holdings, Fort Ross was established to provide food to Russian Alaska and to take advantage of what was perceived to be rich hunting grounds for sea otters. However, trade deals between Russia and Britain and an all-too-late-realized free-for-all on sea otters in the region turned Fort Ross into an economic black hole.

The colony was eventually sold by the Russians, just like Alaska would be. And just like Alaska, the new tenants would later find considerable wealth where those unlucky Russians found ruin.^[9]

1 Roanoke
1585–1590

No list on colonial failures would be complete without this conspiracy-filled, cautionary tale of colonial intrigue.

The Roanoke story is well-known. An English colony was found abandoned with only the word “CROATOAN” left behind. Historians are divided on whether the colony was massacred by the natives, whether disease led to its abandonment, or even whether the settlers assimilated into the local population.

Regardless, the story of the Roanoke colony is a good illustration of the true risks involved with abandoning life in one’s mother country and going all in on the hope of establishing a new life in an exotic, faraway land. Looking back, it’s easy to fall for such a romantic thought, but the reality for those involved must have felt more desperate and uncertain than exciting and assured.^[10]

John is a pursuer of all things interesting and meaningful.

‘Colonial War’ loosely refers to the many conflicts that erupted around the world in the backdrop of European colonization. While there’s no academic consensus on how long this period lasted, some sources place it between the Early Modern Period in the 15th century to the global wave of decolonization after the Second World War. 

While most of these colonial wars were native struggles against colonization, some of them were also parts of larger conflicts happening among the many empires of Europe, influencing the history of the modern world in more ways than we can count.

10. Dummer’s War

Known by many different names like Lovewell’s War, Father Rale’s War, Greylock’s War, the Fourth Indian War, and others, Dummer’s War was a conflict between New England settlers and the Wabanaki Confederacy – specifically the Mi’kmaq, Maliseet, and Abenaki tribes – allied with New France. Lasting from 1722 to 1726 and spread across the regions of Nova Scotia, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and parts of Canada, it was primarily a conflict between the natives and the settlers over territorial rights.

Until this time, Lieutenant-Governor William Dummer had maintained a largely-peaceful arrangement with the native Wabanaki Confederacy, though his term ended in 1730. The Abenaki tribes, influenced by their alliance with the French and their previous conflicts with English colonists, launched attacks on English settlements across the region. As the war escalated, the Massachusetts Assembly started offering bounties in exchange for Indian scalps, resulting in a brutal conflict and numerous civilian deaths. 

9. First Barbary War

The First Barbary War – from 1801 to 1805 – started as a result of escalating tensions between the United States and the Barbary States of Algiers, Tunis, and Tripoli, and Morocco. These states demanded tribute payments from anyone trading in their waters, which the United States refused under the leadership of President Thomas Jefferson. 

Tripoli declared war in 1801, leading to a series of naval actions and blockades against American ships in the Mediterranean. The conflict escalated quickly, especially with events like the capture of the USS Philadelphia and its subsequent destruction by American forces under Lieutenant Stephen Decatur to prevent its use by rival forces. It would go on for many years until the signing of the peace treaty in 1805. 

8. South African War

Fought between the British Army and two Afrikaner Boer republics from 1899 to 1902, the Boer War was a major conflict in the colonial history of South Africa. Also sometimes called the South African War, it was caused by underlying issues between British imperialism and Boer republicanism. 

The war was fought in three phases. In the first one, the Boers had some early successes despite being heavily outnumbered, thanks to their knowledge of the terrain and proficiency with firearms of the era. The arrival of British reinforcements, however, turned the tide, resulting in the British capture of key cities like Bloemfontein and Pretoria in the second phase. The third and most violent phase of the conflict involved trained British troops fighting Boer guerrillas. The ferocity of the Boer resistance led to the establishment of the first British concentration camps in the region, leading to a number of noncombatant deaths due to disease and starvation.

The war ultimately ended in May, 1902 with the Peace of Vereeniging, though only after causing around 100,000 casualties on both sides.

7. War of Jenkins’ Ear

Named after British captain Robert Jenkins and his ear – which was allegedly cut off by Spanish coast guards in 1731 – the War of Jenkins’ Ear began in October, 1739 between the colonial empires of Great Britain and Spain. It was triggered by mounting tensions over Spanish aggressions against British ships, as both sides regularly engaged in limited conflict across their colonies around the world. It was made worse by the worsening anti-Spain public sentiment in Britain, especially by British merchants after the ‘ear’ incident, who opposed any peaceful settlement.

According to historian Harold Temperley, the war was a significant departure from the earlier colonial priorities of the British empire, as trade interests in the new overseas colonies now took precedence over maintaining the traditional balance of power. The war officially began in October, 1739 and lasted until 1742 without any real change in the status quo, though it had other long-lasting consequences beyond Britain and Spain. It drove Spain into a closer alliance with France, leading to diplomatic and geopolitical problems for Britain for nearly a century.

6. Anglo-Mysore Wars

The Anglo-Mysore Wars were a series of four distinct conflicts fought between the British East India Company and the state of Mysore in India during the late 18th century. The first war began in 1767 when Hyder Ali, a Muslim adventurer, rose to power in Mysore. Initially, the British and the Nizam of Hyderabad joined forces against him, but the Nizam eventually withdrew and left the British to face Hyder’s forces alone. It ended in 1769 with the Treaty of Madras, establishing an alliance between Mysore and the British.

The second war started in 1780 when Hyder Ali formed an alliance with the French in his rivalry against the Maratha kingdom. While the British were soundly defeated, they still managed to regain control of the situation with the death of Hyder Ali in 1782 and the signing of the Treaty of Mangalore in 1784.

The third war began in 1790 when the British, led by Lord Cornwallis, dropped Mysore from their list of allies. By the end of it, Mysore was forced to cede half of its territory in 1792. The fourth war, led by Governor-General Lord Mornington, happened between 1798 and 1799, resulting in the defeat and death of the ruler of Mysore, Tipu Sultan, and the annexation of Mysore under the British crown.

5. Gun War

Also called the Basutoland Rebellion or the Disarmament War, the Gun War was fought between the Sotho people of Basutoland and the British Cape Colony from 1880 to 1881. It was a major event in the history of Basutoland – now Lesotho – as it ended 10 years of British rule over the region. 

The tensions between the two sides arose from factors like Cape Colony’s interference in the traditional authority of Sotho chiefs, contested demarcation of land for white settlers, and the enforcement of the controversial Disarmament Act of 1879. The Sotho, led by chiefs like Lerotholi, resisted the disarmament orders and decided to fight against the forces of Cape Colony. 

The decisive battle happened at Qalabani in October, 1880, where the Sotho ambushed the outnumbered Cape soldiers and inflicted heavy casualties due to their knowledge of the mountainous terrain. The British finally gave up in April 1881, as the Sotho were ultimately allowed to keep their arms while still paying an annual tax on every gun.

4. Pontiac’s Rebellion

Fought between 1763 and 1766, Pontiac’s Rebellion was a pivotal armed conflict between the British Empire and a coalition of Native American nations like Ottawa, Delaware, Potawatomie, Shawnee, and others. It happened immediately after the Seven Years’ War due to many factors, including British attempts to impose control over native territories across North America. 

The rebellion began in May 1763 when Native American forces, under the leadership of an Ottawa leader called Pontiac, started attacking British forts across the Great Lakes and Ohio River Valley regions. While the British response was initially slow, they eventually launched reinforced expeditions to relieve garrisons besieged by Pontiac’s forces. 

The conflict ended in 1766 with a peace treaty between Pontiac and the British Empire. According to some sources, it resulted in the death of around 450 British soldiers and 2,000 American colonists. The number of casualties on the native side remains unknown due to the lack of records. 

3. King Philip’s War

While it sounds like one of the many conflicts in Great Britain’s history, King Philip’s War was actually named after the native Wampanoag chief Metacom, who was known by that name due to his tribe’s earlier friendly relations with the British empire. It was a brutal conflict that lasted from 1675 to 1676, largely taking place in the nascent colonies of New England. 

Like most other colonial wars on this list, the root cause was the encroachment of English settlers on the ancestral lands of the natives. It began when three of Metacom’s warriors were executed by the British in June, 1675, as they were accused of murdering an Indian working with the colonists. 

The war took a heavy toll on the entire New England region, with several hundred colonists killed and numerous English settlements destroyed or damaged. On the opposite side, thousands of native Americans were killed, wounded, captured, or sold into slavery or forced servitude. The fighting largely died down after the death of King Philip – or Metacom – and the signing of the Treaty of Casco in 1678.

2. Italo-Ethiopian War

Also called the Italo-Abyssinian War, the conflict between colonial Italy and the kingdom of Ethiopia began in 1889 and ended in 1896. It was triggered by Italy’s colonization efforts in Africa, especially after the partition of Africa by other European powers during the Berlin Conference of 1885. After the Ethiopian victory in the Battle of Dogali in 1887, Ethiopia became the first African nation to defeat a European power.

The conflict saw many other surprising Ethiopian victories against the Italians, including and especially the Battle of Adwa in 1896. Ethiopia was victorious by the end of the battle, inflicting around 5,200 casualties on the Italian forces while losing 7,000 of its own troops. This decisive victory resulted in the abolition of the Treaty of Wichale and recognition of Ethiopia as a sovereign nation. While Italy did come back and occupied parts of Ethiopia in 1935, it was never legally recognized as a colonial power in Africa.

1. Anglo-Zulu War

The Anglo-Zulu War lasted from January 11 to July 4, 1879. It was a major conflict between the British Empire and the Zulu Kingdom of South Africa, triggered by British efforts like forced labor of the Zulu population in the diamond fields of the region and the establishment of a British-controlled federation that covered a large part of the ancestral Zulu territory.

Tensions escalated when, in December 1878, the British High Commissioner for South Africa issued an ultimatum to King Cetshwayo and demanded the dismantling of the Zulu military system, along with reparations for alleged offenses of the past. With the ultimatum unmet, British troops, led by Lord Chelmsford, invaded Zululand in January 1879.

While the Zulus won some early victories, the conflict ended with an ultimate British victory, leading to the capture of the king and the incorporation of Zululand into the British Empire.

Crime is inevitable, even in a world run by Pilgrims and Puritans. Where there is crime, there is punishment. Starting back in 1608 with our first documented execution, America established a penal system based on Old English ideals. This made way for some pretty not-so-great methods of punishment when it came to the New World.

During our country’s birth, incarceration was an alien concept. We may have over two million people in prison currently, but our founders did not see imprisonment as beneficial. Swift punishments meant you paid a fine, were physically brutalized, publicly shamed, or executed.

Here are 10 punishments that thankfully ended in order from bad to “oh dear God, why?”

10 Stocks

The stocks are probably the most recognizable colonial time punishment. Also known as the pillory, the stocks held your hands and head in a wooden vice so that you could not move, and you were placed in town for all to see. People were encouraged to throw trash, stones, and other things that shouldn’t be held, let alone thrown. The wooden pillory was actually an altered version of the English bilboes, which were iron rods with shackles meant to keep the victim’s arms up while being chained to their feet. However, metal was expensive, so they moved to wooden stocks instead.

In comparison to many of the other possibilities, being put in the stocks wasn’t so bad. However, what seemed to be common was that during the colonial period, punishments were thrown together like a painful, forced repentant salad. The stocks were often paired with branding, ear cropping, or whipping. In some rare instances, the stocks could be fatal due to items being missiled at the prisoner. ^[1]

9 Flogging

Flogging, or whipping, was the prom queen of penance. There was a post in town for the sole purpose of whipping criminals publicly. Besides colonists just not having much else to do in their free time, public penance was popular due to the idea that people were unmalleable. With most laws being religiously centered, whipping was also a popular choice because it was believed to awaken the spirit and remind the soul that they were to serve God. This was also justification for whipping disobedient children.

Flogging could be done with a variety of items, including whips, sticks, and a multiple rope tool called a cat-o-nine-tails. Whipping was for lower-class citizens and slaves, and because they made up the bulk of the population, it could be seen frequently. As with the stocks, death was extremely rare and not the end goal of a flogging. In most cases, the scars from a whipping could be hidden, so moving on wasn’t impossible. With the next punishment, that was not the case.^[2]

8 Branding

In The Scarlet Letter, Hester Prynne was lucky that her branding was just wearing the letter “A,” not having an A burnt into her forehead. The word “brand” has several origins, one being the Old English word for “destruction by fire,” and it worked just like it does with cattle. The metal letter is heated and pressed to the skin to make a scar. Different letters were used for different crimes. You could read it like a children’s book: “A” for adulterer, “B” for blasphemer, “D” for Drunk, “F” for forgery, and “T” for thief.

Another letter commonly branded was an “R,” which stood for runaway. Slaves were very often sentenced to physical punishments over very small indiscretions. If they tried to escape, then an “R” was branded on their foreheads. Foreheads and cheeks were popular burn sites depending on the crime. Some perpetrators could sometimes plead for mercy and get branded on the arm or hand instead. Being marked for life was not something one would relish, but a scar left behind doesn’t seem as bad as losing a whole body part. For example, an ear.^[3]

7 Ear Cropping

A man in England who lived during King Henry VIII’s reign made the mistake of saying he thought the king was dead. Well, the king was alive, and saying otherwise was treason. To the pillory he went, and his ears were nailed to the stocks. After a day passed, his ears were cut off, and he was free to go. The thing about this was the ears were going to be taken no matter what, but the goal was to make the sufferer rip their own ears off trying to escape.

There was no overarching system of rules when it came to sentencing a punishment. There was no consistency in what was considered cruel versus just. Even within a sentence of ear cropping, there were variations. Sometimes the ears were hammered to the stocks, sometimes they were straight-up removed, and sometimes only pieces were removed. As with branding, losing one’s ears was not only painful but also humiliating. Hiding your earless new look was not easily done.^[4]

6 Branks

Although arguably not as painful as losing an ear, the brank is something straight out of a horror movie. The mix of pain with the avert humiliation of the brank makes it one of the more egregious punishments. It was used for those who spoke out against the church, gossiped, or nagged. It was known as the “gossip bridle” or “scold’s helm.”

An iron cage was placed over the accused person’s head with a plate stuck into their mouth that held their tongue down. Sometimes the plate was adorned with spikes. Almost always, the plate was large enough to cause hours of gagging while wearing it. To make the brank even more degrading, it could be topped with a bell so everyone would know you were approaching or a leash to be walked through town.

There is not much documented on the brank being used in colonial America, not as much as there is on them being used in Europe, at least. However, there are records of its use, especially with slaves. One of the reasons the brank could be so horrible was there wasn’t a set time limit. Maybe you were in the brank for a few hours, maybe days. Branks were mostly for women, as was the next punishment.^[5]

5 Ducking

The terms cucking stools and ducking stools are used interchangeably, but they are not the same thing. Cucking stools were seats that the victim was strapped to and paraded through town. Ducking stools were the same construction, only they were placed at the end of a lever that moved up and down, dunking the person strapped in underwater. The ducking stools became so popular that Maryland eventually passed a law that all counties must have a ducking stool.

Like the brank, ducking was used mostly as a recourse for women criminals. The result of the ducking stool was supposed to be a confession from the accused or an agreement to repent for their crimes. There was no set time limit for the stool nor time to be held underwater. Casualties resulted because of this. Ducking was not supposed to be fatal, but sometimes the victim would die of shock or drowning.

All these mentioned were punishments meant to scare, harm, and humiliate. Now we move to the darker side of corporal punishment. Spoiler alert: everyone dies at the end.^[6]

4 Hanging

Hanging was the most common method for a sentence of death in Colonial America. It was used if someone committed a heinous crime such as murder, infanticide, rape, or other sex crimes. A seventeen-year-old boy from Plymouth was found guilty of several counts of buggery (bestiality, in this case), including a horse, a cow, two goats, five sheep, and a turkey. I’m not sure how these animals were calculated so succinctly, but he was hung to death, and the animals were buried alive as the good Lord intended.

Hanging could be sentenced for men and women alike, and sometimes even children. During the Golden Age of Piracy (1690-1730), hanging was the main form of execution for those convicted. It is estimated that 10% of the pirate population in the Caribbean during this time met the gallows in America.

Generally, the hangman was not a professional but just a law figure within the colony or a judge. This less-than-ideal experience almost certainly led to more botched hangings than successful ones. If the rope was too short, the criminal’s neck wouldn’t break, so they would strangle to death. If it was too long, they might get beheaded. Which leads us to beheadings.^[7]

3 Beheading

“Off with their heads!” is one of the most known lines in literature or from a Disney film, depending on your taste. During Colonial America, it was shameful when your severed head was posted publicly. In contrast, for most of history, beheading was reserved for the upper class and seen as honorable in Europe. If it was done correctly, it was a swift and quick death.

However, the neck is not as fragile as one may think. Just like hangings, there wasn’t anyone trained in the art of beheading. This increased the likelihood of needing more than one attempt at decapitation, creating a need for multiple swings or repeated use of the guillotine. In some instances, the blade hit the head, not the neck.

Despite the possibility of a botched beheading, it was still preferred in England and the colonies to the alternatives. Anne Boleyn, for instance, was charged with treason and adultery. King Henry VIII could have chosen her to be burned at the stake or decapitated. For the victim, it seems like an easy choice.^[8]

2 Burning at the Stake

Fire is argued as the thing that separates man from animals. The control of fire has been used for good and for horrifically bad. There is a misconception that Colonial America came to its roots of burning at the stake during the Salem Witch Trials. The problem is Salem hung their witches. This does not negate the fact that burning at the stake was a not-so-rare method of capital punishment and a brutal one at that. From the ancient world, it moved into Europe and became the symbol of anti-religious punishment. Heretics, blasphemers, and rebels were burned.

Like so many other laws and punishments in our country, being burned at the stake has a racist history. Most women who were burned at the stake were black. White women convicted of the same crimes were generally hanged. Homosexuals also had to fear the fire. Due to the religious foothold of the colonies, homosexuality was punished by burning. If you were lucky, you were granted some sort of mediation to your death. For instance, sometimes, the victim would be strapped with gunpowder so that it would explode once the heat got to a certain level and kill them instantly.

1 Drawn and Quartered

“Hanged, drawn, and quartered” sounds like an album put out by a B-rated punk band. But no, it was a form of torturous death. The sentenced criminal would be hanged, taken down from the gallows alive, have their limbs tied to four horses, and then ripped into four parts. Another variation included being drugged to the gallows by a horse, hung til almost dead, then disemboweled publically. Afterward, the corpse would be quartered.

This form of capital punishment was not a popular one and seemed to be mandated more by English occupants than actual settlers. Because of this, treason was the number one crime that was eligible for being drawn and quartered. In England, hanged, drawn, and quartered punishment was reserved only for men who were found guilty of treason. With little documentation on how exactly this was adopted in colonial America, it’s fair to say it was the same procedure.

There were dozens of punishments that would be considered cruel and unusual by today’s standards. There are references to colonists using the breaking wheel and boiling victims in oil. Both are adopted from Old England’s torturous methods of the 1500s, and both seem almost too much for us to consider as part of our heritage. Without detailed records on them, they didn’t make the list. I think we have been through enough heartbreak anyway.

Before we harshly judge the settlers and their methods of punishment, we must remember they were living in very hard times or had just survived being starved, frozen, and constantly surrounded by death for months at a time. Racism and fear also lent to the horrific practices of our penal system.^[10]