The Canadian Rocky Mountains are arguably best seen via Jasper National Park. With the charming town of Jasper as your home base and a variety of lodging options, you can spend your evenings indulging in delectable dishes and a comfortable bed while filling your days with outdoor adventures. No matter what time of year you visit, there are many ways to enjoy Jasper’s magic. Here are the 13 best things to do in Jasper, Alberta, Canada.

13 Best Things to Do in Jasper, Alberta, Canada

1. Tour The Cool Columbia Icefield

Adventurers frequently travel to the Columbia Icefield for their adventures. The Columbia Icefield is a singular experience that gives guests the chance to explore one of Canada’s most stunning natural wonders. It’s also a great location to go to with family and friends.

A trip along the Icefields Parkway, a stop at Athabasca Falls, and a trip on the Ice Explorer into the Athabasca Glacier are all included in the tour. The Skywalk is another option to check out for breathtaking views. It is also important to keep in mind that the tour is only offered from spring to fall if you’re seriously thinking about going. Wear warm clothing, and bring sturdy shoes. 

2. Soak It All In At Miette Hot Springs

The Canadian Rockies’ hottest hot springs, Miette Hot Springs, are a wonderful place to unwind. The pools here are generally open from early May to mid-October,  They are usually closed from late fall to early spring. There are lockers and showers on site, and the pool has excellent views. 

Bring a pair of sandals or shower clogs with you. The water in the pools where bathers congregate is cooled from the hot springs’ initial scalding-hot 54 degrees Celsius to a more bearable, though still toasty, 40 degrees Celsius. If you want a hot-and-cold experience, there are a few different pool options to pick from, including a few that are extremely cold. In addition to the calming water, which is rich in sulfate, calcium, bicarbonate, magnesium, and sodium, the water and views together provide the best environment for real relaxation.

3. Go Hiking In Jasper National Park

There are countless hiking opportunities in Jasper National Park. Check out the scenic Bald Hills trail for a strenuous day hike that offers views of Maligne Lake. This hike, which is 10.4 kilometers long and gains 700 meters in elevation, takes four to six hours to complete. The 44-kilometer Skyline Trail is a must-do for multi-day hikers; depending on how quickly you hike, it takes two to four days to complete. This hike has an elevation gain of 1,380 meters. Try the Wapiti trail if you’d rather keep things simple; at 9.4 kilometers and no elevation gain, it’s still quite a distance but will take you between two and four hours to complete. When the weather is warm and the trails are open, May to September is the ideal time to visit Jasper National Park. 

4. See Some Glaciers At Mount Edith Cavell

Mount Edith Cavell is one of the amazing sights near Jasper and a must-see when in town. It’s named after a nurse who helped treat wounded Allied soldiers during World War I. From Jasper, a winding, narrow road sharply ascends before dropping you off at a parking area close to the mountain’s base. Across a rocky, area, follow the 1.6-kilometer easy Glacier trail’s return path to reach Cavell Pond. Signs posted along the route describe the surroundings. Watch the rock piles; you might spot a cute pika going about their daily routine. You’ll eventually arrive at a number of viewpoints over the popular pond. You might see some icebergs that have fallen from the Angel Glacier, which is located above you. The best time to complete the hike is from June to September when the weather is warm and the road is open. 

5. Enjoy The Majesty Of Athabasca Falls

The Columbia Ice Field is where the mighty Athabasca River begins its journey. It flows slowly until it reaches a ledge, where it plunges into a small chasm. This is where the seemingly harmless river reveals its true nature, roaring and boiling in an unchecked torrent that raises misty clouds. 

Athabasca Falls, one of Canada’s best waterfalls, is 23 meters high and performs at its peak in the summer when snow melts from the mountains’ highest elevations. Fortunately, most visitors come during this time, and traveling is simple. You can feel the ground tremble under your feet as you walk along a short, relatively level trail that leads right up to the edge of the falls. Mind you, online travel experts confirm that the best time to visit the falls is specifically between June 1 and September 30 when the weather is usually warm. 

6. Travel Via Dogsled

There are several businesses in the Jasper area that offer dog sledding tours.  Each one covers various terrains and has different itineraries, but they all let you see Jasper while getting to know a pack of huskies. One of the first methods of winter transportation is reportedly dog sledding.

You’ll be surprised at how smooth the ride is and how much ground the dogs can cover when you’re nestled in the sled. The musher actually rides on the sled’s back and serves as a director of sorts for the dogs, telling them when to go faster or slower. Most of these tours give travelers the chance to practice pulling the sled.  The length of the tours ranges from a quick hour-long trip to an overnight expedition where you stay in a log cabin out in the wilderness. Wintertime is the only time you can enjoy this activity so be sure to dress warmly. 

7. Go White Water Rafting On The Athabasca River

Regular readers should already know that enjoying a rafting trip down the beautiful Athabasca River in Jasper National Park does not require any prior whitewater rafting experience. Professional guides will teach you everything you will need to know to have a memorable, enjoyable float. Children as young as six years old can participate in beginner tours, which include Class 2 rapids, which are thrilling but still definitely doable. If you believe you’re too old to participate in this activity, think again! The senior set has even been reported hooting and hollering all the way down this river. This glacier-fed river is cold even though white water rafting runs from May to September.  Life jackets, paddle jackets, neoprene booties, and wetsuits will all be provided by your outfitter to keep you warm and safe. All you need to bring is a bathing suit or clothing that you don’t mind getting wet.  

8. Take An Ice Walk In Maligne Canyon 

Explore Maligne Canyon when it freezes over in the winter. Dress warmly and wear ice cleats. See the frozen waterfalls, ice caves, and cool ice formations. You’ll venture deep into the canyon on the three-hour, 3.5-kilometer Maligne Canyon Ice Walk Tour, where you’ll have plenty of time to be awed by the ice. Participants should feel comfortable engaging in moderate physical activity because the route is mostly downhill and steep in places. Your tour guide will take the time to tell you about all the amazing details of Maligne Canyon and the Maligne Valley as you proceed through the tour. The majority of the snow gear needed by visitors must be brought by them, but the tour operator provides both ice cleats and helmet, as well as extra-warm winter boots to keep your feet warm.

9. Ride The Jaunty Jasper SkyTram

Take the Jasper SkyTram up to the top of Jasper National Park to fully appreciate the breathtaking views. Up to 26 passengers can ride this aerial tramway up 2,263 meters in 7.5 minutes. Once you reach the top, you can hike up to the top of Whistlers Mountain for even more breathtaking panoramas, stroll the boardwalks close to Upper Station if you want to keep it calm, or don snowshoes and go on a walking tour during the months other than the summer; rentals are offered on-site. 

The full-service Summit Restaurant is a great place to go after you’ve worked up an appetite. Mid-March through late October/early November is when the SkyTram operates on a seasonal basis. Bring layers whenever you go because the weather is typically 12 degrees Celsius colder up top than it is in the city.

10. Do Some Stargazing In Jasper National Park’s Dark Sky Preserve

As an officially acknowledged Dark Sky Preserve, Jasper National Park consistently strives to significantly reduce the effects of light pollution. With 11,000 square kilometers, it’s the second-largest dark sky reserve in the world. The end result is a pitch-black sky with brilliant stars. 

Even though you can enjoy the night sky all year long, the Jasper Dark Sky Festival happens in the middle to end of October each year. The festival features a symphony under the stars, workshops on night sky photography, moon viewing events, planetarium visits, and an impressive roster of scientific speakers. It should not be missed if you have a passion for the stars. Jasper National Park is also home to a variety of wildlife such as elk, moose, and bears. It is an exceptional place to visit if you are interested in a truly unforgettable experience.

11. Go On A Wonderful Wildlife Tour

On a Jasper evening guided wildlife tour, you might see animals like elk, mountain goats, black bears, and grizzly bears. Numerous animals, ranging in size from large (such as moose) to small (such as pika), live in the national park, and viewing wildlife in its natural setting is exhilarating and educational. The guides can give you a lot of information about the local animal population and know the best places to see sightings. 

For the benefit of both you and the animal, they’ll give you instructions on how to observe wildlife safely. Because animals migrate and hibernate, different seasons offer different chances to see wildlife. Coyotes, wolves, moose, deer, and elk may be spotted during winter tours, while grizzly bears, mountain goats, and bighorn sheep may be seen during summer excursions. Tours are available all year. Remember to bring your camera! 

12. Snowboard Or Ski At Marmot Basin

Marmot Basin has the highest base elevation of any ski resort in Canada, at 1,698 meters, which results in an abundance of new, powdery snow. One of Alberta’s top ski areas is only a short drive from the city, making it the ideal destination for a day trip. Spread across five distinct mountain faces, the mountain’s 1,702 acres of delightfully skiable terrain are available. Access to the mountain is made simple by seven ski lifts, which offer options for skiers of all abilities, from novice to expert. You can find it at Marmot whether you prefer to ski groomers, trees, bowls, or terrain parks. The ski season at Marmot Basin typically begins in mid-November and lasts until early May. Expect very chilly on-mountain conditions if you are going to visit between December and February.  Dress warmly and take regular breaks inside. 

13. Do Some Cross-Country Skiing Through Jasper National Park

In Jasper National Park, there are five distinct cross-country ski areas with a range of terrain. Beginners will love Pyramid Mountain’s straightforward 4.4-kilometer loop with little elevation change, while experts can take on the 15-kilometer Pyramid Fire Road with its difficult 533-meter climb. Additional simple trails can be found at Pipeline Trail, Wabasso Campground, and Athabasca Falls.  The Whirlpool Winter Hub has some excellent options for intermediate skiers.

If you do not have your own cross-country skis, you can rent a pair in town. Remember to layer up!  Even though Jasper’s winters are chilly, it’s simple to get a good sweat going on the trails.  There are many options available if you’re looking for a place to stay in the park. With suites designed for large families and breathtaking mountain views, Jasper Inn & Suites is a fantastic option for families.

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The United States wasn’t the only untamed frontier. Just to the north was another Wild West: the vast, cold, unsettled lands of Canada.

The frontier days of the Great White North have never held the mythic status of the American frontier. They were emptier lands, filled, for the most part, with fur traders and First Nations tribes, kept on a tighter leash than the wild settlers across the border.

But as the Americans to the south started to expand further west, and as they began to be lured up north in pursuit of gold rushes, the Canadian West started to become every bit as wild as its neighbor. It turned into a place where liquor, theft, and murder ran rampant—and nothing but a handful of mounted policemen stood between civilization and complete anarchy.

10 The Fraser Canyon War

In the Canadian West, trouble usually traveled in from down south. In 1858, a mob of American prospectors surged into Fraser Canyon, desperate for their chance at gold. A few got rich, but the whole lot of them very nearly got themselves killed.

It started when a group of French miners grabbed and violently raped a woman from the local Nlaka’pamux tribe.^[1] The tribe was already uneasy about the new flux of white men into their land, and this set them over the edge. They caught the men who’d raped her, chopped off their heads, and, as a warning to the others, sent their mutilated bodies downriver to drift into the town where the prospectors lived.

The Americans were terrified, and they wanted blood. Some called for war, forming gangs that promised to “kill every man, woman and child they saw that had Indian blood in them”—which suited the Nlaka’pamux just fine. In their camp, the war chief was calling on his men to “make a clean sweep of the whole body of miners.”

Battles broke out across the island. When the Nlaka’pamux killed, they would send the mutilated bodies of their victims downriver. Soon, it became a common sight to see a headless body drifting downstream anywhere a man walked.

Things only calmed down when Governor James Douglas led a small army into the Nlaka’pamux camp and convinced them to make peace with the Americans. But it wasn’t easily done. The Nlaka’pamux only agreed because Douglas promised that, if they didn’t, he would send in the Canadian army to kill every last one of them.

9 The Cypress Hills Massacre

On a spring morning in 1873, a group of fighters from Alberta’s Piikani tribe rode down south of the border and into Idaho, looking for nothing but trouble. They found it in a group of American wolf pelt hunters. The Piikani men threatened them, stole their horses, and took them back to their camp.

They were sure the Americans would never pursue them across the border—but the Americans weren’t about to let their horses go. They gathered up a posse and rode into Canada in pursuit, looking for blood.

They soon made it to Cypress Hills, where they found a native camp. These weren’t the men who’d robbed them—they were peaceful people from the Assiniboine tribe—but to the Americans, every Indian looked the same. The posse came on them with guns cocked and loaded, determined to burn the natives out. The Assiniboine tried to take cover, but the Americans thought they were getting ready to fight and opened fire.

They made the chief watch as they jammed a hatchet into his father’s skull. Then they cut the chief’s head off and mounted it on a pole. By the time they were done, they’d killed 22 innocent people.^[2] Only three of the dead were men. All the rest were women and children.

8 Fort Whoop-Up

After the Cypress Hills Massacre, the Canadian government knew they had to do something to keep the Americans in line. They formed a police force and sent them out on a long march west. They were called the North-West Mounted Police—or, as they’re better known today, the Mounties.

Their first target was Fort Whoop-Up, a trading post where two Americans were making a small fortune by illegally selling whiskey and weapons to natives in the Blackfoot Confederation. Their trademark drink was called bug juice, a liquor spiked with ginger, molasses, red peppers, and chewing tobacco, and the Blackfoot would trade everything they had for it.^[3]

“The whiskey brought among us by the traders is fast killing us off,” the Blackfoot chief Crowfoot complained. His people were giving away their food and clothes to get drunk, and they didn’t know how to handle it. Blackfoot men had murdered each other at Fort Whoop-Up, carried away by the booze. Crowfoot had relocated his tribe to get them to stop drinking, but whiskey runners would follow them wherever they went, knowing that, whether Crowfoot liked it or not, his people were loyal customers.

Ultimately, nothing ever happened to the men who ran Fort Whoop-Up. When the Mounted Police arrived, they just threw out the whiskey, and, without evidence, the whiskey runners couldn’t be stopped. The two Americans died free and wealthy beyond most people’s wildest dreams.

7 Jerry Potts

The men who’d founded Fort Whoop-Up didn’t get there on their own. They were helped by a guide: the half–Black Elk, half-Scottish scout Jerry Potts. He got them started—and after their whiskey started destroying his life, he became their worst nightmare.

Potts was a child when he killed his first man. His victim was the man who’d killed his father: a Piikani warrior who’d left him an orphan. It filled Potts with hate, and when he was 16 years old, he hunted the Piikani man down and killed him.^[4]

He saw the effect of Fort Whoop-Up firsthand shortly after he helped set it up. A man in his tribe called Good Young Man got drunk on bug juice and, in a drunken rage, murdered his mother and his brother.

Potts, once more, dedicated himself to revenge. He spent the next year tracking down Good Young Man. As soon as Good Young Man saw Potts approaching, he tried to flee on horseback, but Potts shot him off his horse, killing him. From then on, Potts hunted whiskey runners.

At first, he would track them down and kill them. When the Mounted Police came in, Potts joined them and worked as their guide. But by then, he’d already killed 40 people, nearly every one a whiskey runner.

6 The McLean Gang

The McLean Gang had gotten cocky in 1879. They were four teenagers who thought they couldn’t be touched by the law. They lived out in Fort Kamloops, British Columbia, where they hardly ever saw a police officer. The boys would steal horses and ride through town, bragging about what they’d done, sure they were untouchable.

But a man named Johnny Ussher was determined to set them straight. He put together a posse, rode out to the McLeans’ home, and demanded they turn themselves in.

The McLean boys responded with a hail of bullets, but Ussher was sure they were just trying to scare the posse. The boys were thieves, not murderers, he thought. So he got off his horse, walked right up to them, and told them to put down their guns and come quietly.

The boys knocked him down and kicked him while one shouted, “Kill the son-of-a-b—ch!” When nobody else did it, the youngest of the group, 15-year-old Archie McLean (pictured above), pulled out his revolver and shot Ussher.

The other boys got the bloodlust after that. They filled Ussher’s body with bullets, mutilated him, and rode into town and showed off his bloodstained clothes. If anyone came for them, they declared, they’d be next to die.

Another group did come—but this time, there were 75 of them, and they were armed to the teeth. The McLean boys were brought in and hanged. The judge, ordering their deaths, declared the boys had “not one single redeeming feature.”^[5]

5 Bill Miner: The Gentleman Bandit

Bill Miner was born in Kentucky, but he didn’t stay there for long. He went out west and became an outlaw. Then, after a long stint in San Quentin prison, he moved on north, hoping criminal business would be easier in the Canadian West.

They called him the “Gentleman Bandit” because of the polite courtesy he’d use when he was holding a gun to people’s heads.^[6] He was a man of firsts. It’s said he was the first to yell “Hands up!” during a robbery, and he was the first man to hijack a Canadian train.

The first train he robbed won him $7,000 in gold. At the time, that was enough of a fortune to live comfortably for two years. When the money ran out, though, he tried to pull off the trick again in 1905—and this time, it didn’t go as well.

The second train he robbed had nothing in but mail and old newspapers. Trying to make the best of a bad situation, Miner grabbed $15 and a bottle of liver pills and then ran for his life. He didn’t get far. The Mounted Police tracked him down, shot one of his cohorts in the leg, and brought Miner in. The Gentlemen Bandit was behind bars. He’d risked it all and lost it for $15 in cash.

Miner later escaped prison and fled to the US.

4 Sam Kelly And The Nelson-Jones Gang

When Sam Kelly and his gang terrorized a town, you had to catch them quick. As soon they’d appeared, the boys would disappear into the Big Muddy Badlands of Saskatchewan: a place full of caves, cliffs, and gullies. In a second, Kelly and his men would disappear into a winding network of tunnels and vanish.

Kelly started his criminal career with a trek down to Montana, where some old friends were being held in prison. With a copy of the jailhouse key given to him by the town’s corrupt deputy sheriff, Kelly was able to walk right into the prison and leave with the prisoners. He even tipped his hat to the sheriff’s wife as he walked out with two convicted felons.^[7]

From then on, Kelly was a career criminal. He would steal horses and cattle from Saskatchewan farms or sometimes move south of the border and hijack a train full of gold. He caused so much havoc that the Mounted Police set up a fort in the Big Muddy Badlands to try to stop him, but he disappeared every time.

After years of crime, Kelly had a change of heart. He walked into the police station and turned himself in. Kelly, though, had been so careful that they didn’t have enough evidence to convict him in of a single crime. Even though he’d brought himself in, they had to set him free.

3 James Gaddy And Moise Racette

In 1887, James Gaddy and Moise Racette met in a bar in Saskatoon. Bonding over a few beers and a mutual love of ill-begotten goods, the boys made a pact to become horse thieves. They even got a photograph taken together to commemorate the occasion.

They celebrated by stealing a horse from a man named Hector McLeish, but McLeish, they soon learned, wasn’t a good person to cross. He formed a posse and went out looking for the boys, determined to bring them to justice.

It didn’t take long before McLeish and a friend, Constable Mathewson, found the boys’ home. They sent word to the rest of the posse. The plan was to wait for backup before doing anything rash—but when they saw Racette saddling his stolen horse like he was getting ready to leave, the men jumped into action on their own.

What they didn’t know was that Racette’s father was in the house, too. When he saw his son getting arrested, the elder Racette snuck out the back door and jumped Mathewson from behind, knocking his gun out of his hand.^[8]

McLeish tried to get Racette off, but Gaddy grabbed the pistol and shot him three times. The boys, now murderers, ran for the lives, but they forgot about one thing: that photograph they’d taken at the bar. The photographer had kept a copy, and by the next day, their faces were all over the country with a $500 bounty on their heads. The two were hanged in 1888.

2 Harry Wagner: The Flying Dutchman

Harry Wagner was a member of Butch Cassidy’s gang, but after Cassidy was taken in, he stole a ship and moved up north. He terrorized the bays of British Columbia, plundering them on a boat so quick and silent that it won him the nickname “the Flying Dutchman.”

Wagner, though, met his end one day in 1913 while robbing a general store. Two constables saw the light on in the window and went in, catching Wagner and his men in the act. A gunfight broke out. Wagner shot one of the constables and bit off the other’s thumb, but the last standing constable brought him down.

The officer soon realized he hadn’t just caught a petty crook—he’d caught an international criminal. Wagner’s gang was hunted down, and Wagner was sent to prison, where he met a crude end.

Before Wagner was hanged, the hangman told the crowd, “I’m out to establish a new world record.” He had a constable set his watch, dropped Wagner down as fast as he could, and yelled for the time. The first sound after Wagner breathed his last breath was a crowd applauding as his executioner announced: “Gentlemen, gentlemen! You have been privileged to witness 11 seconds clipped from the record.”^[9]

1 The Mad Trapper Of Rat River

Nobody knows where the Mad Trapper, Albert Johnson, came from. He was a mystery, a man without a past who’d simply shown up in the Yukon one day and started stealing furs from trappers.

After a few complaints had come in, an RCMP officer went to Johnson’s cabin to ask him questions. Johnson, though, didn’t say a single word.^[10] He just sat there, staring at the Mountie in a steely silence, no matter what the officer said.

The policeman came back with an arrest warrant, and, again, Johnson didn’t say a single word. This time, he just pulled out his gun and shot the officer.

A posse of Mounties and trappers went after him next. For three days, they fought him in a shootout, even dynamiting his roof off. Johnson somehow survived it all, though, and escaped in the camouflage of a blizzard.

Most figured he’d die in a few days. It was mid-winter and they were north of the Arctic Circle, but Johnson survived. For 48 days, he stayed ahead of the officers chasing him, hiding his tracks by climbing through mountain ranges and traveling with a herd of caribou.

On February 17, 1932, they finally found him at Eagle River, where he fought them off in one last gunfight. It was a final stand. The Mad Trapper died in the Arctic in a blaze of bullets—but not before shooting one more officer before he went down.

Canada… once described by Winston Churchill as being a place where “there are no limits to the majestic future which lies before the mighty expanse of Canada with its virile, aspiring, cultured, and generous-hearted people.”

Yet renowned Canadian journalist and social activist, the late June Callwood, caustically observed that “the beaver, which has come to represent Canada as the eagle does the United States and the lion Britain, is a flat-tailed, slow-witted, toothy rodent known to bite off its own testicles or to stand under its own falling trees.”

Here are just ten oddball news stories to come out of the Great White North… Ohhhhhh, Canada!

Related: Top 10 Islands With Fascinating Stories And Artifacts

10 Diaper Box License Plates

In Jan 2021, a Brantford, Ontario, man took the “recycle, reuse, repurpose” mantra to a new level when a traffic stop revealed that he had used diaper boxes to create fake license plates for his vehicle.

Brant County Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) posted pics on social media, showing a cardboard Pampers diaper box cut into the approximate size of a license plate. A fake license plate was printed on a sheet of paper and attached to it.

The post went on to explain that although creative, the arts and crafts project was not overly successful, stating that “the driver realized his error and that it was time to ‘change’ things up.” It’s not known whether any charges were filed after the crafty incident.^[1]

9 Break, Enter, and a Clean Getaway

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) reminded Nova Scotians to lock their doors after investigating a report of suspicious activity in the town of Upper Tantallon, Halifax, in Oct 2018. RCMP officers responded to a call from a concerned homeowner, who had in turn been contacted by a neighbor, informing him that there were two shady women in his house while he was away from home.

The concerned neighbor had observed the two women moving about the home, armed with a vacuum cleaner and a mop. The officers determined that the house had been left unlocked so that the neighbor could walk the homeowner’s dog. However, the two women arrived, cleaned the house, and made a clean getaway without even knowing they had cleaned at the wrong address. Luckily they cleaned it up rather than cleaned it out!

“Although the house was cleaned for free, RCMP would like to take this opportunity to remind homeowners to ensure their doors are locked at all times,” the Mounties wrote in a press release, adding that they commended the neighbor for being observant and contacting the homeowner when he saw that something was amiss. I’d certainly love to have these “home invaders” come over to my house.^[2]

8 Police Crash Teen Party… with Chips & Salsa

In 2015, the RCMP got wind of a large underage frosh/freshman/university party being held in Lumsden, Saskatchewan. In response, the Mounties publicly posted a cheeky RSVP to the event on Facebook. They explained that officers would be attending and promised that they would bring snacks, as well as a choice of possible charges for any misbehaving party-goers, including underage drinking or supplying alcohol to minors.

Being true to their word, several officers arrived at the party, bringing chips and salsa and mingling with party attendees. They also set up a check-point stop at the party entrance to make sure no one was drinking and driving. At the end of the evening, not a single fine or charge was made. Sgt. John Armstrong of the Lumsden RCMP later commented that” it was well-received, and they sort of all swarmed to us. We handed out the chips and salsa, and they loved it. They couldn’t believe that we had come through on our promise.”^[3]

7 Drunk Zamboni Driving

Also in 2015, an ice hockey game played in Sainte-Anne-des-Chênes, Manitoba, had to be canceled prematurely when the heavy Zamboni ice cleaning machine damaged the rink in between periods. As it turned out, the Zamboni driver was found to be drunk.

The driver was ultimately charged with driving while impaired and resisting arrest after allegedly crashing into the boards surrounding the ice rink. “On his first lap, he struck the gate where the Zamboni drives onto the ice, broke the boards, and also broke pieces off the actual Zamboni,” said Martin Kintscher, the team manager of the bantam Seine River Snipers.

The RCMP was called, and the driver was taken into custody. “As far as I understand, he refused the breathalyzer, but I don’t know anything of what happened after that,” Kintscher said. Kintscher said he has seen rookie Zamboni drivers make mistakes on the ice as they learned their trade, but this event was unlike anything he’d ever encountered. He explained to the boys on his team that the Zamboni driver “had issues.”^[4]

6 Mega Million Maple Mischief

In 2015 (a bumper year for odd news out of Canada, by the look of things), three men from Montreal, Quebec, were convicted and sentenced to up to eight years in prison for their part in a 2012 heist of some 2.7 million kilos (5.95 million pounds) of maple syrup. The massive quantity of the sweet, sticky condiment was reported missing after a routine inventory check of the warehouse facility in which it was being stored. Barrels of syrup were found to have been drained and replaced with water.

The multi-jurisdictional effort to solve the crime involved multiple law enforcement agencies, including the RCMP, the Canada Border Services Agency, and U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Officers interviewed over 300 people in the maple syrup industry in Quebec, Ontario, New Brunswick, and the northern United States. Promising leads eventually lead to the recovery of approximately two-thirds of the missing syrup. They also seized several vehicles suspected of being used in the trafficking of the sweet, sticky spoils, as well as equipment such as scales and electronic lifting gear.

The street value of the swiped syrup was estimated to be some CAN$ 18 million. Or, as it was explained, the stolen amount would have provided a one-tablespoon topping for a whopping 183 million pancakes.^[5]

5 A Most Canadian Car Theft

Two doctorate students have apparently proven that Canadians are, in fact, more polite than their southern counterparts. Comparing the top ten percent of words used in millions of geotagged tweets, they determined Canadians are more polite than Americans, even on Twitter. It turns out they are also very courteous when they “steal” cars.

In December 2018, a woman in Hammonds Plains, Nova Scotia, returned from shopping to where she’d parked, only to find that her vehicle had been stolen. She told responding RCMP officers that she’d parked next to an identical white Hyundai Santa Fe.

It turned out that the driver of the other SUV had simply gotten into hers and driven away. RCMP Corporal Dal Hutchinson explained that neither vehicle was left running in the parking lot and that some push-button start vehicles can be started without the keyless fob actually being in the vehicle.

The “thief” eventually realized his mistake and returned the SUV to its rightful owner, but not before he’d already filled it up with gas. And of course, since this is Canada, the woman reimbursed him for the fuel cost.^[6]

4 It’s Snow Go

The “Festival of Snow” is a popular, family-orientated event that takes place in a Montreal park over four weekends every winter. According to its official website, the festival has the expressed aim of “discovering and celebrating the joys of winter.”

In January 2019, the event had to be canceled for the first time in over a decade because of a snowstorm. Environment Canada had predicted that the temperature would drop to somewhere around -15°C (5°F) but would feel more like -29°C (-20°F), given the wind-chill factor.

You know it has to be a doozy of a storm when it’s too cold and snowy for even Canadians to venture out in the conditions—especially to celebrate winter. Festival organizers said they made their decision because of “glacial cold, wind gusts, and dangerous roads.” Brr!^[7]

3 A Hockey Game Breaks Out

It was the late comedian Rodney Dangerfield who said, “I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.” In this case, it was a massive highway pile-up that got proceedings underway.

In January 2019, on Highway 40 near L’Assomption, Quebec, some 45 kilometers (28 miles) from Montreal, an estimated 40–50 cars (some reports put the number of vehicles as high as 75) were involved in the huge crash in wintery conditions. Several people suffered minor injuries due to the accident, which also caused the highway to be closed for several hours while the lanes were cleared.

While waiting for emergency crews to re-open the road, a group of people made the most of the snow and ice-covered highway with an impromptu game of street hockey. Of course, this is Canada, and it was winter, so needless to say, plenty of folks had skates, sticks, and pucks in the cars, ready to go. While video footage of the impromptu game went viral, the final score is unknown.^[8]

2 Cucumber Kink

In May 2017, 49-year-old Fredrick Davis was caught doing an indecent act in a Toronto library while holding a cucumber in one hand and his own… uh… cucumber in the other. Police later explained that Davis first committed the dodgy vegetable felony in the Agincourt Library in April but got away at the time. However, when Davis showed up again the following month with another cucumber in hand, an eagle-eyed staff member at the library was quick to call the police.

When asked if Davis had threatened anyone at the library, Constable David Hopkinson was quick to reply that “I don’t think he had any free hands to make any threats.” Davis was ultimately charged with one count of committing an indecent act.

Bonus self-gratification yarn:

In June 2013, a man in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, was accused of producing his own “special sauce” at a McDonald’s restaurant. Halifax Regional Police officer Constable Pierre Bourdages gave some truly excellent advice to any members of the public who find themselves witnessing such an indecency occurring, explaining that “we strongly suggest for people not to take the matter into their own hands.”^[9]

1 Goal Scoring and Home Runs

The 2012 NHL lockout saw hockey fans swapping out scoring goals for hitting a home run if they could, with a surge in sales of sex toys, sex guides, and lingerie. Some retailers estimated their sales rose over 15% during the first two months of the lockout.

“We’d be gearing up [for NHL hockey] now, but there’s nothing, so I guess we need to find some better ways to spend our time,” explained Vinay Morker, the owner of Hush Lingerie and More in Edmonton. However, the jump in sales may have simply been part of the global trend, where sex toys and accessory sales have continued to rise. Stefan Dallakian, the owner of Paris Intimates, theorized that “at a time when unemployment is high, and bank account balances are low, people are passing the time by getting busy.”^[10]

Ohhhhh, Canada!