One of the best parts of classic James Bond films was the moment Q would pull out some wild new invention for the secret agent to use in his dashing exploits. Would it be a laser watch? Or would we see 007 wielding a set of bagpipes that doubled as a flamethrower? It turns out that the reality of spycraft is just as wild as the most fantastic films.

Here are ten of the weirdest bits of equipment a spy might find among their kit.

10 Famously Hard-Core Female Spies

10 Pipe Radio

Smoking is undoubtedly bad for your health but for CIA agents in the middle of the 20th century there were situations where smoking a pipe could save their life. The key to this pipe’s life-saving capabilities was found concealed in its stem – a radio receiver that could pick up transmissions and send them straight to the agent.

The pipe worked when the spy clenched it in their teeth. By vibrating the pipe was able to transfer sound directly into the ear via the bones of the skull. No one else would be able to hear what was being sent.

The CIA website which shows off some of the technology it has employed over the years doesn’t reveal whether the pipe could be used to smoke tobacco so best not to lend your spy pipe to anyone else.^[1]

9 Dead Rat

What do you do when you see a dead rat? If you leave it alone then you would probably make a poor spy. The CIA used dead rats to transfer information from their operatives. This was a very literal dead drop, which is the term used in spying when a secret location is used to pass things between agents without the two ever having to meet.

The rats were real – though hollowed out to provide a Velcro pouch for messages and money to be passed back and forth. The CIA was convinced to use them because there is no culture on Earth where people don’t recoil in horror from a dead rat. They were also impressed with the amount that could be stuffed inside one.

The only precaution needed was to dip the rats in Tabasco sauce before dropping them. While humans back away from dead rats a scavenging animal might want a bite of it – at least until they got a taste of the hot sauce.^[2]

8 Rectal Tool Kit

Being a spy is not all swanky parties and tuxedos. Sometimes a spy must go below and beyond to serve their country – they might be called on to hide the tools of their craft in their anus. The CIA rectal tool kit has everything a spy might need and all in a handy size for easy concealment.

Luckily for the spies the kit comes in a shatter-proof case so that they don’t get injured trying to remove it. Once out of its hiding place the kit opens to provide the secret agent with knives, drills, and picks. The kit offers everything that a spy might need to escape a sticky situation.

The rectal tool kit is an ingenious bit of engineering and miniaturisation that packs a lot of equipment into a small space. The British secret service might have come up with something similar. MI5’s official motto is “Regnum Defende” – “Defend the Realm.” It would be so easy to rebrand themselves to Rectum Defende.^[3]

7 Dog Poop Transmitter

If dead rats were used because people tend to avoid touching them then it was just a matter of time until dog poop was employed. During the Vietnam War devices referred to as Dog Doo Transmitters were placed along the Ho Chi Minh trail. Shaped to look like the droppings of “a medium sized-dog” the T-1151 contained a detector that transmitted back to American forces.

By dropping these technological turds along the trail US forces were able to monitor the movement of goods by opposition forces. Variants of this device were created to look like the droppings of indigenous animals. They could be used as both homing beacons to guide attacks or to transmit Morse code signals if an agent picked them up.

These devices were part of a trend in open concealment – where spy equipment was made to look like something that could be left anywhere. So people who don’t pick up after their dogs are just making spies’ jobs that much easier.^[4]

6 Hollow Coins

The ideal piece of spy kit is one that can be handled without anyone suspecting it is out of the ordinary in any way. You want to pick something that people see and hold every day. With coins being so ubiquitous they were an obvious target for espionage. In one case though it was a hollowed out coin that gave a spy away.

When a newspaper boy called Jimmy took a coin for his papers in 1953 he had accidentally accepted a piece of Cold War spy equipment. Dropping the coin he saw it break open and a miniature photograph fell out of the hollow inside. While it looked just like a normal nickel there was a miniscule hole drilled in the face that allowed it to be opened with a needle.

While the FBI was unable to decipher the numbers on the concealed photograph at first they were helped in picking up another spy when they found another hollow coin. Noticing the similarity to the coin Jimmy found they made arrests that broke up a Soviet spy ring.^[5]

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5 Pipe Dagger

While second-hand smoking can seriously damage your health there was one piece of British spy kit that could have proved deadly. While it looked like a normal pipe with a quick twist it could be opened up to reveal a lethal steel blade inside. If an agent found themselves in need of giving a foe a quick stab then they would always have a knife to hand.

The pipe was created by the Special Operations Executive during the Second World War. They were responsible for producing equipment to help secret agents behind enemy lines. While much of their work involved creating gadgets to help spies avoid detection some of their creations were weapons to help them survive in tight spots.

The British had a fondness for offensive pipes and also manufactured a pipe that concealed a small calibre gun.^[6]

4 Spy Basket

Not all pieces of spy equipment were completely surreptitious. Some of them were pretty obvious if you knew where to look. During the First World War the Germans used Zeppelins to spy behind enemy lines and perform bombing raids. The drawback with Zeppelins was that they were highly combustible and slow moving. Ground forces could easily shoot them down. One way to hide was to keep them above the clouds.

When the Zeppelin was above the clouds though it was impossible for them to see their targets. To make up for their blindness they would sometimes lower a platform called a spy basket on a metal wire. A spy would sit in a wicker chair in the small vessel as it descended below the clouds and issue orders back up to the ship.

While people on the ground could hear the Zeppelin’s engines they would be unable to locate it with their lights and the spy basket was too small to be seen from below.^[7]

3 Glasses With Cyanide Pill

It is a tired old trope in movies that spies like to surround themselves with suicide pills. The moment they are uncovered they can gnash down on a glass ampoule of poison and perform one very final escape. One popular version is the hiding of cyanide in a fake tooth they can bite down on. One of the few places cyanide has not been hidden is in teeth – imagine if the spy grinds their teeth in their sleep?

The CIA has revealed that they once produced a pair of glasses with a cyanide capsule hidden in the tip of the arms. The agent could pretend that they were having a deep think while chewing on their glasses when in fact they were committing suicide.

In one real case Alexander Dmitrievich Ogorodnik, codenamed Trigon, a Soviet-diplomat-turned-US-spy asked his handlers for a pen with a concealed cyanide pill. Given the rough handling he could expect if the KGB ever picked him up it was a reasonable request. Trigon was arrested. When he was about to be interrogated he asked to sign his confession with his special pen. He removed the capsule, bit on it, and was dead before he hit the floor.^[8]

2 Insectothopter

Oh to be a fly on the wall. Flies would make the best spies of all time. They would be the best bug in all of espionage. But the first attempts to make an insect spy device were not an unmitigated success.

Developed in the 1970s and made to resemble a dragonfly this first mobile listening device was the brain child of the CIA. Under perfect conditions the insect-shaped unmanned aerial vehicle could cover 200m in 60 seconds. Unfortunately the awkwardly named Isectothopter was just as awkward in the air. A light breeze would knock it well off course.

The Insectothopter was supposed to be guided by laser beams which would deliver it to its target. But given the limitations of its propulsion system it was never used in the field. With 50 years of development though it is entirely possible there are bugs out there that are indistinguishable from real bugs.^[9]

1 False Scrotum

When a spy needs to contact their handler in a hurry they would not have to look far for a radio if they were wearing one of the CIA’s false scrotums. Designed to be worn on the appropriate area of a male spy the scrotum was capacious enough to hide a miniature escape radio.

The idea was even if a spy was captured and strip-searched then this realistic scrotum would not draw too much attention. The rubber hiding device was naturally textured and even had wispy hairs attached. There is no word on who provided the model for the scrotum. Only the most dedicated spy catcher would linger long enough to detect the deception.

The false scrotum (which is something that is always fun to say) was unfortunately never put into widespread use. Or at least that is what the CIA wants you to believe…

Top 10 Crazy Spy Stories

Food and folklore go hand in hand. From telling children that the crusts on bread will make their hair curly to the idea that carrots help you see in the dark, there are myths and tales about almost everything we eat. Some of the stories are harmless fun, but there are older and stranger bits of folklore surrounding some of our favorite—or not-so-favorite—foods.

The international view of British food is not always complimentary, to put it mildly, but the lore of the United Kingdom’s dishes is as rich as any in the world.

10 Fairy Food

If you’re anything like me, you love to get free food. Folklore, however, gives a stern warning—never accept from the fairy folk! Except that it also warns about the dangers of not taking food when offered by fairies. Folklore is not an exact science.

If you accept fairy food, there is the danger that you will be trapped in the realm of the fairies and unable to escape. In the story “Childe Rowland,” the wizard Merlin warns someone venturing into fairy-land that they should “bite no bit, and drink no drop, however hungry or thirsty you be; drink a drop, or bite a bit while in Elfland you be and never will you see Middle Earth again.”

If you encounter fairy food in the real world, though, it is wise to accept it. In a tale from the isle of Arran, two farmers jokingly wished for the fairies to lay out a feast for them. When the meal magically appeared, they were too scared to eat it. For refusing the offered meal, the field went barren, and nothing ever grew again.^[1]

9 Cockle Bread

Bread has always been a staple food for most people. Getting the ingredients, mixing them, kneading the dough, and baking it took a great deal of time. Every stage was filled with the chance for folklore to creep in. If a hole formed in the middle of your loaf, it was called a “coffin” and predicted a coming death. If the yeast failed to rise, then you had been cursed by a witch—but they could be kept off by marking the bread with a cross on top.

One form of bread was made in a very peculiar way. Cockle bread was used by young ladies as a way to win a lover. While they made the bread, they would chant the following rhyme:

My granny is sick, and now is dead,
And we’ll go mold some cockle bread.
Up with my heels and down with my head,
And this is the way to mold cockle bread.

In order to ensure their love went into the bread, the dough was kneaded with the girl’s buttocks. A morsel of this bread fed to the desired boy would ensure he fell in love with her.^[2]

8 Hot Cross Buns

Hot cross buns are one of the most delicious aspects of a British Easter. The buns are stuffed with dried fruits and spices and marked with a cross on the top. It is the presence of that cross that has inspired much of the folklore surrounding them.

According to tradition, a hot cross bun will never go moldy. There are many examples of ancient hot cross buns which suggest they do last a long time. In several London pubs, hot cross buns are hung up every year and still look remarkably good. Their sanctity preserves the buns from rotting, it is said (though it may be the spices as well), and also gives them magical properties.

In former years, preserved hot cross buns were grated into food and drink as a cure for all manner of ailments. They were also hung in houses to prevent fires. When hung in barns, the buns stop evil spirits from attacking the livestock. Sailors wanting to ensure their ship did not sink would always have a hot cross bun on board.^[7]

7 Wedding Cake Predictions

Wedding cakes are the most important cakes in many people’s lives. The act of cutting the cake together signals the first joint act of a couple’s lives together. Many couples would keep one of the tiers of their wedding cake to serve at the christening of their first child to bring it luck. But there are other magical uses of a wedding cake.

If you can resist eating your slice of cake, then you can use it to predict who your own spouse will be. Take your bit of cake and place it under your pillow before you go to sleep—watch out for crumbs; that’s how you get ants. When you sleep that night, an apparition of your eventual partner will appear in your dreams. Some say that you do not need a full slice of cake. All you need is a piece of the cake that has been passed through the new bride’s wedding ring.

There is also a tradition that a girl should put a piece of wedding cake in her pocket for the duration of the newlyweds’ honeymoon. If she does, then she will be married before the year is out.^[4]

6 Dumb Cakes

Perhaps the most popular method of divining who your lover will be is to bake a dumb cake. There were a number of variations of the ritual, but all involved the makers of a cake working in absolute silence, hence the name dumb.

In one version, three girls come together, and all place a handful of flour and salt into a pile. With a little water, they work it into a dough and mark the cake with their initials before baking it. Once it was ready, the girls wait until midnight. At the stroke of 12, a ghost will enter and point to the initials of the girl who will marry next.

One tradition involves only two girls working in silence, and they chant:

Two to make it,
Two to bake it,
Two to break it.

That night the cake is placed under the pillow, and a vision of their future spouse will come to them. Most dumb cakes were not intended to be eaten. Probably wisely, as some recipes call for them to contain bits of fingernail, hair, dust, and usually an unhealthy amount of salt.^[5]

5 Vegetable Cures

There is something magical about growing vegetables. You plant a few seeds and watch them seemingly grow from nothing into something that you can harvest and eat. But some people put their crops to use in actual magic.

Small potatoes were sometimes worn on a string around the neck to protect people from rheumatism. Even today, you can find examples of people putting bits of potato on people with fevers and claiming that they draw out fever, turning black in the process. In fact, this is just the oxidation of starch, but some prefer the folklore explanation.

Onions have been put to similar use. For example, when smallpox broke out in Sheffield in 1927, many houses hung up onions in their home. It was believed that onions absorbed the pestilence. Some even used onions to ward off plagues in their cattle.

If you have an earache, you might consider warming an onion in the fire until it is soft and taking out the heart in the middle. This, inserted into the ear, was thought to cure the pain. Probably best not to try this at home.^[6]

4 Salt Lore

One of the most commonly acted out superstitions is performed at dinner tables across the country. If you happen to spill the salt, you must take a pinch of it and cast it over your left shoulder, or disaster is sure to follow. This is supposed to be because when you spill salt, the Devil takes it as an invitation to join the meal. Throwing it over the shoulder hits him in the eye and keeps him at bay.

Salt could also be used to drive off witches. In some places, a pinch of salt was thrown in the fire, and the following charm was spoken: “Salt! Salt! I put thee in the fire. May the one who has bewitched me neither eat, drink, nor sleep until the spell is broken.”

Salt was also useful to the dead. When graves are dug up, plates are sometimes found on the skeleton. These plates were filled with salt and left with the body because they were thought to keep the soul safe from the Devil as “the devil loveth no salt with his meat.” Which sits at odds with the tradition of spilling salt. Folklore is allowed to contradict itself, it seems.^[7]

3 Wedding Shortbread

Big and elaborate wedding cakes have not always been the center of a wedding feast. In Scotland in the past, the most important element of the day was the Infar-cake. This was a decorated piece of shortbread that had a number of folkloric uses.

The wedding shortbread was traditionally baked by the mother of the bride. On the day of the wedding, it would be held over the heads of the new couple and broken. As the pieces fell around them, the number of fragments was examined. The more bits it shattered into, the more children the couple were destined to have. Sometimes the pieces of shortbread were tossed over the heads of the bride and groom before they entered their new home. Though it does seem to be a bit of a waste of shortbread.

The bits that were left on the floor could still be used, however. Guests would scramble to gather some up, especially those who were unmarried. These were then carried home and placed under the pillow (again) in hopes that they would provoke a dream—a dream of future love.^[8]

2 Turnips

Turnips are not the most lovely of vegetables. This perhaps explains why they were once carved into punkies—lanterns that children carried around as they went begging from door to door. The results could be incredibly spooky and much more uncanny than the more familiar pumpkin.

If your child had whooping cough, then there was one way for turnips to be a cure. Take a turnip and slice it into half-inch strips. These were then layered with brown sugar between them. The thick liquid that oozes out was then fed to the sick child.

In Wales, a turnip could be used to predict who a girl would fall in love with (this seems to be a theme). The girl had to sneak out at night and steal a turnip from a neighbor’s field. This turnip then had to be peeled in a single piece. The peeling was then taken into the garden and buried. The turnip itself had to be hung behind the bedroom door and was supposed to give the girl a dream of her husband.^[9]

1 Devil’s Blackberries

If there is one character that is sure to provide a good bit of folklore, it is the Devil. In folk tales, he is always up to some mischief or other. But given his back story, you can maybe forgive him for some of his naughty ways.

Michaelmas, the 29th of September but the 11th of October in the old calendar, is a celebration of the archangel Michael. It also traditionally marks the day when Michael cast the Devil out of heaven. According to British folklore, the Devil not only had a long fall, but he also had a very painful landing in a blackberry patch, getting torn by its thorns. This gave Lucifer a lasting hatred of blackberries.

Folklore says that blackberries must never be picked after Michaelmas because on this day, the Devil takes his revenge on the berries. In some tellings of the story, the Devil touches the berries then and poisons them, but in others, he does something more extreme. Whether he spits on them, urinates, or defecates depends on who is telling the tale. Still, probably best not to risk it.^[10]