Assassinations do not always go as planned. While they can certainly still be messy when successful, they can be weird or even hilarious when they they fail. The ridiculousness of the plot and the weird or dumb reason that an assassination failed will often be exposed when we analyze the details of the attempt.

For instance, the king of Morocco once escaped assassination after ordering his attackers to stop shooting at him because he was dead. However, as we are about to find out, he was not alone. Here are ten crazy ways people avoided being assassinated.

10 King Hassan II Ordered His Attackers To Stop Firing Because He Was Dead

King Hassan II became the ruler of Morocco on February 26, 1961. He was not very popular at the beginning of his kingship. In fact, there were suggestions that he would not last six months on the throne. He definitely disappointed his critics when he went on to rule for 38 years.

However, dissident Moroccan military officers didn’t just sit around waiting for the king’s death. They launched several attempted coups to kill him. One such attempt happened on July 10, 1971, when some 2,000 rebellious soldiers invaded King Hassan’s palace during his 42nd birthday party and opened fire on the guests.

At least 100 people were killed, but none of them was King Hassan. Hassan is said to have approached the leader of the coup and looked at him straight in the eye while reciting verses of the Quran. The coup leader lost his nerves and could not shoot the king.

Another coup attempt followed a year later. On August 16, 1972, Hassan was flying from Paris to Morocco when his airplane was intercepted by four Royal Moroccan Air Force F-5 fighters as he approached Rabat airport. Hassan was a trained pilot and was in the cockpit at the time of the attack.

The rebellious pilots fired at the king’s airplane, damaging several parts, including the engine. However, Hassan pretended he was a regular pilot when he grabbed the radio and screamed, “Stop firing! The tyrant is dead!” The F-5s then broke off, thinking they had killed the king. Hassan’s airplane landed, and he had the coup plotters arrested.^[1]

9 Poor Bomb Placement Saved The Saudi Prince

Abdullah and Ibrahim al-Asiri are brothers declared wanted by Saudi authorities for terrorism. Both brothers were members of Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP). The group was formed after the local Al-Qaeda factions in Saudi Arabia and Yemen merged in January 2009.

AQAP’s first operation was the assassination of Nayef Bin Abdul-Aziz Al Saud, a one-time crown prince of Saudi Arabia. Prince Nayef was responsible for Saudi Arabia’s security at the time of the attempted assassination.

Abdullah informed the prince about his intention to denounce terrorism and offered to meet him in person. The prince was open to the meeting. In fact, he even had Abdullah flown into Jeddah on his private jet. However, the prince never realized that the surrender was a ruse.

Abdullah had a bomb inside his anus or his underwear and planned to detonate it when he got close enough to the prince. He did just that when he got within range. Fortunately, Abdullah was the only casualty since the force of the explosion went downward. Abdullah was blown in half, but the prince only sustained minor injuries.^[2]

8 Qin Shi Huang Ran Around A Pillar To Escape An Assassin

Emperor Qin Shi Huang ruled China between 220 and 210 BC. He defeated and unified the six warring Chinese states and made himself emperor. He also gave China its name and kicked off construction of the Great Wall of China.

Qin Shi Huang made some real enemies during his conquest of the warring Chinese states. One of his greatest enemies was the crown prince of Yan (one of the warring states), who he held hostage. The prince escaped and returned to Yan, where he was joined by General Fan.

General Fan was one of Qin Shi Huang’s commanders but had fled to Yan after falling out of favor with the emperor. The emperor already killed Yan’s family and was very interested in seeing him dead. The prince feared Qin Shi Huang could start a war with Yan just to get the general, so he ordered the assassination of the emperor.

The assassin was Jing Ke. However, Jing needed a good reason to get close to Qin Shi Huang. So he met with General Fan and asked that he gave him his head so that he could present it to the emperor. General Fan agreed and committed suicide. Jing and an assistant later delivered the general’s head and a box of maps to Qin Shi Huang.

The emperor was impressed with the gifts. His joy turned to horror when Jing held him by the sleeves and revealed a poisoned dagger hidden in the maps. Jing did not slaughter the emperor as planned but tried negotiating a peace deal. However, the nfrightened emperor fled before Jing could talk, and Jing followed in pursuit.

No soldier challenged Jing because of the policy of keeping weapons away from the emperor. The emperor could not draw his sword, either, because his robes were too large. So the entire court watched in disbelief as the emperor ran around a pillar and Jing followed behind with his dagger. The duo continued running around the pillar until Qin Shi Huang’s doctor threw a medicine bag at Jing.

The distraction gave Qin Shi Huang enough time to draw his sword, which he used to cut Jing at the thigh. The undeterred Jing threw the poisoned dagger at the emperor but missed. The bloodied Jing told Qin Shi Huang, “I failed because I tried to threaten you without killing you!” before the emperor’s gaurds killed him.^[3]

7 Thick Winter Clothing Saved King Louis XV

On January 5, 1757, Robert-Francois Damiens tried to assassinate King Louis XV of France with a knife. Louis XV was unpopular at the time, and there were lots of people interested in seeing him dead. The king remained indoors most of the time but had visited his sick daughter, Madame Victoire, at the time he was attacked.

Louis XV was returning to his palace when Damiens stabbed him in the side with a knife. The king started bleeding and feared he was dying. Upon his return to his bedroom, he confessed his infidelity to his queen. He asked for forgiveness and promised to confess to more acts of infidelity if he survived.

King Louis survived the assassination attempt because the injury was small and nonlethal. Apparently, the day was cold, and he had worn thick winter clothing. Most of the knife got stuck in the thick clothing, and only a small part of the tip managed to pierce his body, causing the small wound.^[4]

6 Charles De Gaulle Survived Because Of His Car’s Suspension

Sometimes, a good car is all you need to survive an assassination. Ask Charles de Gaulle, who was elected president of France in 1958.

In August 1962, de Gaulle had drawn the ire of the paramilitary group OAS after granting independence to Algeria. Algeria had been involved in a deadly war of independence against France, forcing de Gaulle to give in to their demands. However, the OAS wanted Algeria to remain a territory of France.

Twelve OAS personnel opened fire on de Gaulle’s vehicle as he was being driven from Elysee palace to Orly airport. The men fired 140 rounds at the vehicle, a Citroen DS. However, the president survived because the car had an excellent suspension.

The Citroen DS was an incredible piece of engineering for its time and even today. Today’s vehicles use springs for suspension. The Citroen DS used a fully independent hydropneumatic suspension. This allowed the car to always remain level, irrespective of its position relative to the road or its wheels.

Depending on the accounts, the heavy gunfire destroyed between two and four tires. Whatever the case, the car remained level, allowing the driver to escape despite the blown-out tires. Unfortunately, two of de Gaulle’s bodyguards were killed in the attack.^[5]

5 Nazi Salute Saves Hitler From Gunshot

There were many assassination attempts on Adolf Hitler, and every one of them failed. One attempt occurred in 1938, when a man called Maurice Bavaud tried to shoot Hitler during a rally in Nuremberg.

Bavaud stood on an overpass with other spectators, hoping to shoot Hitler when he passed. However, the plan failed when other spectators gave the Nazi salute as Hitler passed. Their hands obstructed Bavaud’s view, preventing him from aiming his weapon at Hitler.

The undeterred Bavaud took a train to Berchtesgaden, where he knew Hitler was going after the rally. Then he heard Hitler was still in Munich. He took another train to Munich, where he was informed that Hitler was now heading for Berchtesgaden.

Bavaud remained at the train station because he had no money left. His plot was revealed after police arrested him for vagrancy. Police found a gun, a letter to Hitler, and a forged letter of introduction in Bavaud’s possession. He was sentenced to death and guillotined in 1941.^[6]

4 Assassination Attempt Ends After The Target Relocates

Apartheid was a tough time for black South Africans. Anti-apartheid movements like Nelson Mandela’s African National Congress sprang up to challenge the authority of the white government. The government responded by ordering the Civil Co-operation Bureau (CCB) to assassinate members of these anti-apartheid groups.

Between 1986 and 1987, the CCB decided to assassinate Dr. Pallo Jordan and Ronnie Kasrils of the African National Congress. Since both men lived in London, the CCB decided to kill them with a Bulgarian umbrella: a type of umbrella that has been modified to fire poison darts from its tip.

The assassin was Trevor Floyd. Floyd flew to Britain, where he met one Jan Lourens, who was supposed to teach him how to use the weapon. Trouble started when some of the poison spilled on Lourens. Lourens soon recovered, and Floyd left for London with the umbrella.

Floyd later realized that the umbrella was too long, and the dart tip could get damaged if it touched the floor. So he used some tongs to cover the tip. However, the plot failed because Dr. Jordan had relocated from London. Kasrils was in London but was never where Floyd expected to find him. Floyd threw the umbrella into the River Thames.^[7]

3 Margaret Thatcher Escaped Assassination Because She Worked Late

We once wrote about the p. Tyr362HIS gene that make some humans require less sleep than others. The gene is also called the Thatcher gene after British prime minister Margaret Thatcher, who frequently worked late into the night. It seems that gene once saved her from an assassination attempt.

On October 12, 1984, a 9-kilogram (20 lb) bomb ripped through the Grand Hotel in Brighton, where Thatcher and other members of her Conservative Party were having a conference. The bomb was planted by members of the Irish Republic Army (IRA) after several IRA prisoners in British prisons had starved themselves to death.

The bomb was placed in the hotel weeks earlier by Patrick Magee and a female IRA member. They set the bomb to explode at 2:53 AM 24 days later, when they expected members of the Conservative Party to lodge at the hotel for a conference.

Thatcher was in her suite’s sitting room with her private secretary when the bomb exploded. The blast hit the bathroom and bedroom but not the sitting room. However, other rooms in the hotel fared worse. Five people were killed, and 34 others were injured in the explosion.^[8]

2 An Assassination Attempt Failed Because The Assassins Were Idiots

In July 1835, Giuseppe Marco Fieschi tried to assassinate the French king, Louis Philippe. Fieschi was frustrated with life and had chosen to murder the king to settle his grievance with himself.

Fieschi planned the assassination with two other men, named Morey and Pepin. The trio built an elaborate gun they called the infernal machine. The gun was actually more than 20 guns merged into a single unit. They fired the device on July 28, 1835, as King Louis Philippe, his three sons, and staff rode by.

A ball missed King Louis Philippe’s head. However, his horse and the horses of two other people, including a prince, were hit. Eighteen people were killed, and several more were wounded. Fieschi himself was seriously injured by his weapon. The king and princes survived.

Fieschi received excellent medical care, which was surprising to him. This made him think the crown would spare his life if he exposed his accomplices, so he gladly implicated Morey and Pepin at trial. Fieschi realized we was wrong, though, when he, Morey, and Pepin received death sentences. A fourth accomplice received 20 years in prison, and a fifth was acquitted.^[9]

1 Nero’s Attempt To Kill His Mother Failed After She Swam Ashore

Roman emperor Nero had a troubled relationship with his mother, Agrippina. Agrippina wanted to control Nero’s government—something Nero disapproved of. When Nero protested, she started telling everyone who cared to listen that Nero was homosexual.

At another time, she supported Nero’s wife, Octavia, during a fight over Nero’s infidelity. Nero had finally had enough and decided to get rid of his mother once and for all. First, Nero tampered with the ceiling above Agrippina’s bed so that it would collapse on her while she slept. The plot failed.

Nero later sent Agrippina away from the palace. However, he later gifted her a party boat as an apology. In truth, the boat was rigged with a weight that would cause it to sink when it was out at sea. When the weight was deployed, however, Agrippina swam to shore.^[10]

After this failure, Nero had his mother killed the old-fashioned way: He sent assassins to stab Agrippina to death. Nero blamed Agermus, Agrippina’s bodyguard, for her assassination and had him executed.

Why are modern heads of state seemingly so impervious to old-school assassins? All the old presidents were constantly getting attacked. President Jackson famously, but unfortunately, even fought his assassins off with a cane.

Well the truth is attempts still happen. They just get less coverage than they used to. In fact, plots are often foiled before they take place — then downplayed or hushed up in the press.

10. Donald Trump

Showboating at North Dakota’s largest oil refinery in 2017, Trump was blissfully unaware that someone was planning to kill him. The president was in the state to talk about his tax plans. Ivanka was there too; he told the crowd she’d asked “Daddy, can I go with you?”

Meanwhile, a 42-year-old man was hijacking a forklift to flip his limousine. His plan was to drive the vehicle into Trump’s motorcade, disable the limo, and kill the president. In the end, however, he got the forklift stuck in a gated area. Although he abandoned the plan and dumped the forklift in a ditch, he was caught and arrested by police. 

But only because the area he was in was restricted for the visit. They had no idea he was planning to assassinate the president… until he told them. Later in court his attorney explained he had bipolar and ADHD. The uninterested judge sentenced him to 10 years in the state penitentiary.

9. Angela Merkel

On her visit to Prague, the seemingly harmless, grandmotherly German chancellor was the subject of furious protests. One placard showed Merkel with a Hitler mustache, while another linked the EU flag and the swastika. They felt the EU was invading, forcing Czech submission to NATO and its hawkish military orders.

One man took it upon himself to show the EU just how welcome its leaders were in the Republic. Driving a black 4×4, he maneuvered toward Merkel’s motorcade as it traveled from the airport to Sobotka’s government headquarters. But police intercepted and threatened to shoot him, despite him not being armed. Eventually he gave himself up. 

Defending their heavy-handedness later, the police claimed to have found “items” in his car that “could easily have been used as weapons.” What were they, you ask? Blocks of cement.

8. Theresa May

British prime minister Theresa May ruined a lot of people’s lives but it seems only one sought revenge. After his uncle was killed in a drone strike, a homeless 20-year-old Londoner approached militants online to get hold of some bombs. He told them he was planning to blow up Parliament, or to get May at home, at 10 Downing Street — both of which he’d scouted out beforehand. 

Unfortunately for him, these “Islamic State militants” were actually FBI, who referred him to their MI5 counterparts, who hooked him up with an undercover cop posing as an armorer in London. Oblivious, the would-be assassin kept them abreast of his plans and, once he’d got a (fake) bomb and a jacket filled with (fake) explosives, police surrounded and arrested the bereaved young tramp. He’d later admit he was glad it was over.

In court, he insisted the plan wasn’t genuine. He’d been set up and tricked by police, he said. He was always coming up with crazy schemes; he never followed through. One early idea had been to drop missiles from balloons at the edge of space. But the judge was unsympathetic and gave him 30 years.

7. Joe Biden

Old Joe Biden’s unpopular with young’uns. The senescent commander in chief has (obliviously) dodged several attempts on his life — all from the under-30s. In 2020, a 19-year-old was arrested in Delaware for driving a van containing guns and explosives within four miles of the president’s home. In addition to the weapons, the young man had $509,000 in cash, books about bomb-making, and a handwritten checklist ending with “execute”. Investigators later claimed to have found internet posts announcing his plan, including a meme on iFunny captioned “Should I kill Joe Biden?”

The following year, a 27-year-old tipped himself off to the Secret Service. “I’m going to come kill the president,” he told them over the phone, “I’m going to kill the Secret Service because I own this whole planet.” When they called him back to find out more, he defended his “right to free speech.” Then he asked them to pick him up and take him to the White House so he could “punch the president in the face, sit in his chair, and stay there until he dies.” They put him in jail instead.

Most recently of all, a 19-year-old was charged with “threatening to kill, kidnap or harm the president”, among other transgressions, when he drove a truck into a White House fence. He got 10 years in prison.

6. Justin Trudeau

After a 46-year-old man stormed the gates of Rideau Hall, the story was mysteriously downplayed. Although they detailed the weapons he had in the truck that he crashed through the gates (an unlicensed revolver, a prohibited semi-automatic rifle, and two shotguns), the media claimed he only wished to arrest, not kill, the Canadian prime minister. Later, they changed their mind and said he just wanted to talk.

In reality, however, the man was charged with threatening to kill or harm Justin Trudeau. A letter that may have contained this threat was never released to the public; only “selective summaries” were “provided to the media by anonymous officials.” The attempt also came just one day after the Dominion Day rally on Parliament Hill, where Canadians waved pictures of Trudeau in a gallows and demanded the prime minister be executed.

It’s thought the establishment was largely silent on the attempt (despite it being the first on any Canadian prime minister) because the assassin was in the armed forces. According to some, it would upset the narrative that soldiers all support their PM.

5. Queen Beatrix

Assassination attempts on royalty are fairly common too. On Queen’s Day in the Netherlands in 2009, a 38-year-old Dutchman crashed his car in a suicide attack on Queen Beatrix. Tragically, he plowed into the watching crowd instead, killing six bystanders and injuring ten others. He also hit a monument and sustained critical injuries. The man later died in hospital — but not before police (who, despite months planning security, had failed to protect anyone) extracted a confession from the brain dead assailant.

By contrast, for Elizabeth II’s VJ (Victory over Japan) Day celebrations in 2010, prime minister David Cameron didn’t entrust his queen’s protection to incompetent Metropolitan police. When he learned of a plot to assassinate her, he ordered a drone strike himself, killing the as yet innocent but suspected British citizens in Syria.

He did, however, leave the public’s protection to the police, who encouraged crowds to ignore credible claims of a pressure cooker bomb in the capital and line the roads for the cameras regardless.

4. Barack Obama

Remote assassination via the postal service would have been fitting for a president who proliferated drone strikes. But it was not to be.

In 2013, a 45-year-old Elvis impersonator sent him “a suspicious granular substance” identified as ricin along with a typewritten letter. “No one wanted to listen to me before,” it read, “There are still ‘Missing Pieces’ [a reference to the assassin’s own novel about black market body parts] …. To see a wrong and not expose it, is to become a silent partner to its continuance.” He signed the letter: “I am KC and I approve this message.” Copies of the letter, complete with ricin, were sent to the Republican senator Roger Wicker (for whom KC once performed) and Mississippi judge Sadie Holland. All were intercepted. 

The FBI claimed nobody died from contact with the letters, but this is hard to believe. Ricin, which is cheaply and easily extracted from castor beans and for which there is no antidote, is so deadly that as little as 500 micrograms (a dose roughly the size of a pin head) can kill. There’s also no specific test for exposure.

Another deadly package addressed to Obama was intercepted in 2018, this time a bomb. Others were also targeted, including George Soros, Hillary Clinton, and former CIA director John Brennan. The return address on them all was that of former chairwoman of the DNC Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who naturally denied involvement.

3. Fumio Kishida

Calling to mind the time George W. Bush had a hand grenade lobbed at him, Japan’s 101st prime minister was shocked to see an explosive device flying his way. He was about to give a speech at Wakayama when the pipe bomb exploded a meter from where he was standing. It probably would have hit him were it not for his guards blocking the attack with an unfurled ballistic suitcase. The 24-year-old attacker was swiftly arrested.

Surprisingly, though, Kishida kept to his schedule and, just six hours later, gave another speech to a crowd in Chiba. There weren’t even any bag checks or metal detectors.

Unlike the alienated relationship between government and the public in most developed countries, Japanese electoral campaigns require candidates to prove their trust in those they aspire to govern. In fact, the number of votes they get is said to be a measure of how many hands they shake.

2. Volodymyr Zelenskyy

Before early 2022, few outsiders had even heard of Volodymyr Zelenskyy, let alone painted his flag on their faces and prayed for God to protect him. By early March, however, people around the world were urgently told of the beleaguered president’s existence — as well as his heroic survival of three assassination attempts in a week (later corrected to 12).

The would-be assassins — Chechen special forces — were shocked before they were killed at Zelenskyy’s timely protection. Apparently, his bodyguards had been tipped off by Russian FSB agents opposed to Putin’s invasion. 

Kremlin-backed mercenaries with the “lunatic”, battle-hardened Wagner group were also dispatched to kill the president; they were thought to be the only ones crazy enough to pull it off. One of their plans was to get a laser target marker on Zelenskyy and call in an airstrike. The president has long since gone into hiding, delivering his speeches from in front of a green screen instead of on the ground in Ukraine.

1. Barack Obama (again)

In 2011, a lone gunman pulled up outside the White House, aimed his semi-automatic rifle, and unleashed a barrage of bullets. One smashed a second floor window by Obama’s formal living room, while another got lodged in a window frame and others hit the roof. 

There was no response. 

Although one Secret Service officer drew her gun and snipers scanned the lawn, the order came quick to stand down. “No shots have been fired,” said a supervisor over the radio. The sound of the gunshots was thought to have come from a vehicle backfiring nearby, or a shootout between neighboring gangs — all despite a witness tweeting that a driver in front of her cab had “STOPPED and fired 5 gun shots at the White House”.

It took the Secret Service four days to realize someone had tried to kill the president — or, rather, it took four days for a housekeeper to notice the debris and tell them about it. (Maybe they were too busy thinking about Colombian prostitutes?) In fact, the only reason the depressed 21-year-old got caught was his unnecessary haste in escaping. Crashing his car just seven blocks away, he left his gun inside when he fled. But he needn’t have worried at all. Even when police were finally alerted, they were looking for a couple of black men; the shooter was alone and hispanic.

President John F. Kennedy arrived at Love Field in Dallas via Air Force One on November 22, 1963, after stops in San Antonio and Fort Worth in the Lone Star State. Thousands watched in delight as a motorcade with his vehicle made its way through the city toward a luncheon.

The president’s motorcade that day consisted of multiple vehicles, including a lead car, the president’s limousine, the president’s follow-up car, the vice president’s car, the vice president’s follow-up car, motorcycles, and several vehicles that contained Texas politicians, White House employees, and members of the press. Also present were the numerous Secret Service agents and local and state law enforcement.

The joyful mood of the day changed to sadness when Kennedy was shot and the motorcade headed to nearby Parkland Hospital. However, doctors could not save him, and Kennedy was pronounced dead by hospital staff at 1 pm on November 22.

With the 58th anniversary of JFK’s assassination, below is a glimpse into the lives of some of those in the president’s entourage that fateful day not named Kennedy or Johnson.

Related: 10 Moments In American History, As Seen From The Other Side

10 John Connally

Governor John Connally had worked as a coordinator for then-Congressional candidate Lyndon B. Johnson while in college. After Johnson’s victory, Connally worked for several years in Johnson’s Washington, D.C., office, then joined the naval reserve during World War II. He started as a naval ensign, ultimately becoming a lieutenant commander and receiving several military honors for his service.

After the war, Connally worked briefly with a law firm and eventually resumed working with Johnson, overseeing his successful races for U.S. Congress and U.S. Senate in the years leading up to Kennedy’s presidency. Connally also briefly served as Kennedy’s Secretary of the Navy before being elected the governor of Texas in 1962.

On November 22, 1963, Connally was in the president’s limousine and was struck by gunfire that caused injuries to his back, chest, wrist, and thigh. He survived his wounds and went on to serve approximately six more years as Texas governor. During a brief respite from politics, he practiced law again but later re-entered politics, advising Richard Nixon on various matters and unsuccessfully running for president.^[1]

9 Nellie Connally

Nellie Connally had aspired to become an actress—not a political wife—when she enrolled in college in the late 1930s. However, her plans changed when she met John Connally.

While riding in the presidential limousine on that sunny November day, Nellie noticed the adoration emanating from the crowds, telling President Kennedy, “You can’t say Dallas doesn’t love you.” Moments later, the fatal gunshots rang out, giving her the distinction of being the last to speak to Kennedy.

When not supporting her husband’s professional and political efforts, Nellie raised the couple’s five children, fought breast cancer, and raised funds for various charities. Their marriage lasted more than 50 years and ended with his death.^[2]

8 Jesse Curry

Jesse Curry had been Dallas’s Police Chief for nearly four years when President Kennedy arrived in the city on November 22, 1963. He rode in the motorcade’s lead car, an unmarked Dallas police vehicle that was intended to spot and divert trouble before it escalated. As protocol demanded, the lead car stayed between four and five car lengths ahead of the limousine transporting Kennedy—between approximately 70 and 85 feet.

Although Curry was lauded when the assassination investigation led to the quick arrest of suspected shooter Lee Harvey Oswald, the praise turned to criticism several days later when Oswald was fatally shot on live television while being transported to another prison. Reportedly, Curry was against such a public perp walk but gave in to the demands of other city leaders. He retired from the police department after 30 years of service, approximately three years after the assassination.^[3]

7 J.E. “Bill” Decker

Bill Decker was first elected Dallas County Sheriff in the late 1940s and never had an opponent in the 20-plus years he held that elected office. In the years leading up to November 23, 1963, the man once called the “most renowned lawman” to ever serve Dallas reportedly helped track down the bank robbers known as Bonnie and Clyde, worked with his counterparts in Oklahoma to arrange the return of a woman accused of murdering her husband, suspended five employees after a man was erroneously released from prison, and fired two longtime Texas lawmen.

However, Decker was more than just a crime solver; he also helped bring the sheriff’s department into the modern era.

Decker was in the lead car during President Kennedy’s ill-fated trip to Dallas. Fewer than 60 seconds after the gunfire erupted at 12:30 pm, Decker commenced the investigation that led to the arrest of Lee Harvey Oswald less than two hours after the shooting.^[4]

6 Bill Greer

Had Bill Greer, a native of Northern Ireland, followed the professional path his older relatives chose, he may have become a farmer. Instead, he emigrated to the U.S., served in the Navy during World War II, and ultimately found employment with the Secret Service. He accompanied President Kennedy on many trips, including locations as far as Colombia and as close as New York City.

Greer drove the modified 1961 Lincoln convertible that transported Kennedy through Dallas on that fateful day. After momentarily slowing down after the shots were fired, he sped to Parkland Hospital.

Approximately 20 years after the assassination and long after he retired from the Secret Service, Greer broke his longstanding silence with the media. In so doing, he discussed how the tragic events in Dallas had haunted him for years and may have attributed to some health problems.^[5]

5 Samuel Kinney

There were eight Secret Service agents in or around a car—a 1955 Cadillac convertible modified for its role on November 22, 1963—directly behind President Kennedy’s. In fact, Kinney was the driver of the Secret Service follow-up car, the “Queen Mary.” And these Secret Service agents were charged with the same task they always performed in these instances: they watched for items flung from the crowd or other sudden actions from members of it.

Due to a change in plans, Kinney drove the follow-up car and recalled seeing Kennedy shot, then hitting the sirens and speeding up. He contributed to a later book that the only way the Secret Service could get Jackie Kennedy to let go of her husband was if they promised her they would “cover Kennedy’s head so that no one could see.”

Kinney began his career in law enforcement as a police officer in Washington, D.C. Five years after the assassination, and with a total of 18 years of Secret Service employment that also yielded assignments with three other presidents, Kinney retired.^[6]

4 Winston Lawson

Winston Lawson served time in the Army before joining the Secret Service.

Lawson helped plan most of the minute-by-minute details of President Kennedy’s fateful trip to Dallas, performing such tasks as vetting potential threats, determining the location of the president’s luncheon (as well as how to get there), and coordinating security for the motorcade and the luncheon. Lawson was in the lead car of the motorcade when Kennedy was shot.

Although Lawson’s professional skills were admirable, he often felt riddled with guilt about the event that he was most known for. At times, he “wished he had never been born.”. He retired from the Secret Service in 1981 after 22 years of service that allowed him to work with other presidents and vice presidents).^[7]

3 Ken O’Donnell

Ken O’Donnell was a member of the Air Force before becoming a member of the Kennedy brothers’ inner circle. During his tour of duty, he was captured by the enemy but managed to escape. Upon returning to the United States, he went to Harvard University, where he became friends with his football teammate Robert F. Kennedy. This friendship spurred O’Donnell’s eventual work on John Kennedy’s senatorial campaigns of 1952 and 1958, 1960 presidential campaign, and then double duty as his appointment secretary and special assistant.

The sunny weather in Dallas on that fall day prompted O’Donnell and others to remove the bubble top for Kennedy’s automobile tour of the city. This has led to some speculation that had the weather been dreary, and the bubble top stayed on, Kennedy’s wounds may not have been as severe. When Kennedy was shot, O’Donnell was in the follow-up car that contained eight Secret Service agents.

After Kennedy was pronounced dead, O’Donnell broke the news to Vice President and now-President Lyndon B. Johnson and advised him to head back to Washington D.C., to which Johnson complied. O’Donnell was less successful convincing Jackie Kennedy to leave the area after her husband’s death and having Air Force One head back to the nation’s capital before local officials could intervene.

O’Donnell served in the Johnson administration for two years. After he stepped away from the White House, he was president of an eponymously named company, unsuccessfully ran for Massachusetts governor, and coordinated several more presidential and gubernatorial campaigns.^[8]

2 Dave Powers

Dave Powers had served in the Air Force during the Second World War. One year after the war ended, while babysitting his sister’s children, John Kennedy asked Powers to help him with his first Congressional campaign. Powers accepted and was a fixture in every political campaign of John’s after that. When Kennedy became president, he named Powers his special assistant. Sometimes, Kennedy had Powers act as his surrogate, such as a meeting with a 4H club in South Carolina and a football team from Massachusetts that came to the White House.

On November 22, 1963, Powers was in the car that contained O’Donnell and the eight other Secret Service agents. After the assassination, and at the request of Robert F. Kennedy, Powers took the first steps at creating what is now the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum. He also served as its first curator and was actively involved in worldwide efforts to raise funds for it.^[9]

1 Forrest Sorrels

Forrest Sorrels had started his Secret Service career as a clerk. Years later, after overseeing several presidential trips to Dallas and the surrounding region, he was named director of the agency’s Dallas office. In this capacity, Sorrels worked in tandem with others to coordinate President Kennedy’s itinerary for that November trip.

Sorrels had no ominous feelings when he and the other passengers in the lead car passed the Texas School Book Depository moments before the gunfire that killed President Kennedy sounded. Upon the shots being fired, his auditory and visual clues made him think the shots came from a direction different than the depository. About a half-hour after the motorcade arrived at Parkland Hospital. On his way back to the assassination site, he heard police radio reports suggesting the shots came from the depository. Thus, he headed in that direction. Before he could talk to many people at that location, a reporter introduced him to Abraham Zapruder, the clothing manufacturer who had captured the assassination on film.

After Sorrels took steps to ensure the Zapruder film would be developed, he learned of Oswald’s arrest and headed to the police station to learn what he could from him and about him. Sorrels spent most of the next few days at the Dallas Police Department, acting as a liaison between authorities in Washington, D.C., and Texas. He even questioned Jack Ruby after Ruby shot and killed Oswald.

Sorrels retired from the Secret Service in 1969 after nearly a half-century of work for the agency.^[10]

Of all the names associated with the French Revolution of 1789, Marie Antoinette’s is probably the most widely familiar. Artist Jacques-Louis David’s rendering of the former queen being carted off to her execution is one of the most recognized sketches in history. However, it was also a far cry from the opulently staged portrait settings in which she’d normally been painted.

Born an archduchess of the House of Hapsburg in 1755, Maria Antonia was one of a long line of children born to the Austrian Queen-Empress, Maria Theresa, and her husband. In 1770, her mother sealed an alliance with France by marrying her off to the heir to the throne, the future Louis XVI. Upon arriving in Versailles, she became known as Marie Antoinette. One of the revolution’s earliest casualties, she was 37 at the time of her execution in 1793.

10 A Pawn in the Hands of Powerful Men

Had she been born only a few years earlier or later, Marie Antoinette might have lived a perfectly ordinary existence by royal standards. Probably married off to some eligible prince or other, she may have presided over a grand household, had children, and died of old age, her name no more famous today than those of her ten sisters. This would have suited her just fine, considering she was, by general accounts, quite an ordinary person.

As it happens, she was born at a crucial point in European history amid an unprecedented softening in Franco-Austrian relations. Her mother, a passionate believer in raising children who were politically expedient, put her in a carriage to France at age 14 and charged her with promoting Austrian interests in a foreign and hostile court with a very different culture. She struggled desperately to find her way, but her reputation and, indeed, her life remained almost completely in the hands of the powerful men who surrounded her, starting with her husband.^[1]

9 France’s Problems Had Begun Long Before Her Arrival

By the time of Marie Antoinette’s arrival in France, the kingdom had been in serious trouble for decades. Louis XV, her grandfather-in-law, had been on the throne since the age of five. However, his attention to the government was constantly interrupted by a succession of mistresses, which tarnished the reputation of the crown. Provincial bodies called “parlements” had also gotten into the habit of impeding royal policy, including desperately needed fiscal reforms.

Farming methods had remained basically unchanged for centuries, leaving France especially vulnerable to inclement weather. This led to less food and higher prices, a disastrous mix for a rising population. The noble classes, whose influence extended to the aforementioned parlements, escaped almost all taxation and fervently opposed any infringement upon their historical privileges. All these were factors far beyond the influence of a queen consort.^[2]

8 Primary Target of Xenophobia

Eighteenth-century Europe wasn’t particularly known for its openness to foreigners. Although the revolutionaries eventually turned against King Louis XVI, too, there can be no denying that Marie Antoinette’s German lineage, as well as her sex, meant she was uniquely demonized. It’s important to note that prior to the alliance her mother contracted, Austria and France had been at odds with each other for centuries.

The marriage between Marie Antoinette and the future Louis XVI was meant to cement a new state of friendship and cooperation between the two rival countries. Unfortunately for the princess, this meant trying to balance loyalty to Austria and her family’s interests with fulfilling her destiny as the future queen of France—quite a burden to place on the shoulders of a 14-year-old girl. Accusations of disloyalty to the French people would plague Marie Antoinette until her death.^[3]

7 Became Queen Far Too Young

In 1774, Marie Antoinette’s grandfather-in-law, Louis XV, died after becoming infected with smallpox. At her husband’s coronation, she was reduced to playing a mere spectator. Even at this early stage in their reign, the state’s finances were in such bad shape, with a deficit of over 20 million livres, that a double coronation was ruled out. She also had not yet borne a son, which kept her in the bad books of royal advisers.

Far too young to gain so much power, both Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette were overwhelmed and consequently made poor choices at crucial moments in their reign. Only eighteen when she became queen, it would take at least a decade before she began to mature in earnest, at which point she might have made a success of the role. Instead, she spent the early part of her queenship playing favorites, partying, and spending—things all twentysomethings do but which, in her position, proved catastrophic to her reputation.^[4]

6 She Had No Real Power as a Consort

Although Marie Antoinette was portrayed by propagandists as wielding undue influence on the king, in practical terms, she held no administrative power, nor was she part of the day-to-day running of the country. This was because, as a consort, she was not a queen in her own right but only through marriage. Her rank and title came from her husband’s position as king. The government was headed by and answerable to Louis XVI, not the queen.

In eighteenth-century France, the notion that the king’s wife should hold any significant power was anathema on two levels. First, she was a woman, and the French were so opposed to rule by women that they’d banned them from inheriting the throne altogether, even if a king had no sons. Second—and in Marie Antoinette’s case, this was the graver sin—having been born an Austrian princess, she was a foreigner who came from a rival royal house.^[5]

5 Not the Deficit-Causing Spendthrift She Was Portrayed to Be

There’s no denying Versailles was opulence come alive, and certainly, Marie Antoinette was a part of that. She knew of no other world, having been brought up in luxury and moved all her life only between different royal residences. To suggest she would’ve had any inclination that the royal family should ever go without, for whatever the reasons, would be overstating. Still, the same is evidently true for most monarchs throughout history.

Versailles alone cost an obscene amount to maintain, as it does today. The extended royal family all had large households and the finest accommodations. But even just before the revolution broke out, court expenditure accounted for only seven percent of the national spending, while over 40 percent went to the national debt. The simple truth is even if Marie Antoinette had never spent a dime during her 23 years in France, it wouldn’t have solved the country’s problems nor prevented the revolution.^[6]

4 Suffered for Her Husband’s Poor Decision-Making

Seriously ill-suited for kingship, Louis XVI only succeeded his grandfather at 19 because his own father and elder brother had both predeceased him, making him the new heir. By almost all accounts, he wasn’t good at it. Even with the kingdom in massive debt, he consented to helping the American War of Independence, a somewhat peculiar cause for a monarch to take up. Unluckily for Marie Antoinette, this was whom destiny—or, more accurately said, her mother—intended she marry.

Throughout their reign, the queen was almost always shut out of policymaking. This was a shame considering that in the years leading up to their executions, she proved herself more capable, astute, and responsive than her husband, who by then had fallen into serious depression. Prone to snoring in important meetings and constantly plagued by indecisiveness, Louis XVI just wasn’t up to the task of facing down the calamitous tidal waves that engulfed his family. Eventually, Marie Antoinette would pay for the union with her life.^[7]

3 Demonstrated Committed Loyalty to France and Her Husband

Not long after arriving at Versailles, Marie Antoinette was coined “the Austrian,” a demonstration of the court’s disdain for the new alliance. But by the time of the revolution, the queen had spent almost two-thirds of her life in France. She’d also had several children whose interests took precedence in her mind over those of her family back in Austria, including the new emperor, her brother Joseph.

In one exchange, she plainly told her brother’s ambassador that it was not Vienna’s place to interfere in France’s ministerial appointments, leading Austria to characterize her contemptuously as a bad investment. When the revolution broke out, royal advisers repeatedly urged the queen to flee with the children, but she insisted her place was at her husband’s side. In one last attempt at freedom, she took charge of an escape plan from Paris, but the royal family was recognized along the way and forcibly returned to Paris.^[8]

2 Never Said “Let Them Eat Cake”

The “Let them eat cake” allegation is so closely tied with Marie Antoinette’s name that it’s included in depictions of her even when making the point that she never said it, such as in director Sofia Coppola’s 2006 biopic. Certainly, there’s no genuine proof that she did, nor would it have been in keeping with her character. However, similar statements have also been attributed to other people throughout history, so there’s a certain amount of folklore associated with the quote.

By the time of the monarchy’s downfall, Marie Antoinette had been vilified in almost every conceivable fashion. If it were true that this callous remark had contributed to people’s anger, it would’ve been referenced in contemporary materials, such as newspapers or revolutionary pamphlets. In fact, the earliest in-print association of the quote with her name arrived many decades after the revolution, and even this was in the form of a rebuttal.^[9]

1 Withstood a Merciless Campaign of Bad PR

Marie Antoinette was one of the earliest victims of a sustained, unrelenting campaign of character assassination. By the time her husband became king, the monarchy had already lost some of its luster. What followed over the next two decades can only be described as a hailstorm of bad PR and libelous propaganda spread to discredit the royal family and, most specifically, the queen. It is hard to overstate how scandalous the accusations were, most of them sexual in nature.

Much of the material was outright pornographic, something we normally wouldn’t associate with 18th-century society. Among other things, the queen was regularly portrayed as a spy, an adulteress, and a sexually debauched nymphomaniac. The state’s financial woes were also attributed to her. In the most vicious exercise of all, her younger son was coerced into testifying at her trial for treason that his mother had molested him.

Soon after Marie Antoinette’s execution, a new pamphlet appeared, this one depicting her in hell. If true, the years leading up to her death certainly would’ve provided ample preparation.^[10]