Professional athletes aren’t always celebrated for their eloquence, and that’s part of the charm. Some of the most memorable moments in sports history come not from record‑breaking feats, but from the unintentionally hilarious things they’ve said. Below you’ll find 15 funny sports quotes that prove even the world’s biggest stars can be delightfully clueless, state the obvious, or just be outright outrageous.
1. Amphibious Remark
“Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” – Charles Shackleford
To be fair… He can actually breathe underwater too.
2. Detroit Scoring Logic
“Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.” – Doug Collins
… Almost? What happens the other times?
3. Parental Praise
“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.” – Greg Norman
And all of his other parents he failed to mention.
4. Bullpen Illness
“Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.” – Jerry Coleman
He’s sick? I hope he can still pitch today.
5. Triple‑Pedal Driving
“The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle.” – Bob Varsha
Now that’s impressive driving.
6. Boxing Mystery
“You can sum up this sport [boxing] in two words: ‘You never know.’” – Lou Duva
Only two? Ok, can’t argue with that.
7. Dugout Celebration
“When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys—there’s no better feeling than to have that done.” – Matt Stairs
Umm… what?
8. NFL Reality Check
“The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.” – Randy Cross
Truer words were never spoken.
9. Early‑Riser Observation
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.” – Lou Duva (again)
….Ok Lou, ok.
10. Hooker Comment
“You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that.” – Murry Mexted
I guess in context it makes sense…
11. Astroturf Confusion
“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” – Tug McGraw
After being asked if he preferred grass or Astroturf, the Tugger responded with this gem.
12. Yogi’s Logic
“Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” – Yogi Berra
And just because Yogi gave us so many, a bonus: “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
13. Jason Kidd’s Turnaround
“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” – Jason Kidd
So, you’re going to turn it all the way around and continue in the direction it was originally going? On second thought, maybe you should stay in college Jason.
14. Earrings Policy
“He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.” – Torrin Polk
That’s the most important thing a college football coach can offer his team. Earrings.
15. Shaquille O’Neill’s Funny Sports Quote
Reporter: “Did you visit the Parthenon while in Greece?”
Shaquille O’Neill: “I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs we went to.”
At least you well represented the NBA while there, Shaq.