Life in ancient Rome was far from a carefree playground for youngsters. Even the lucky ones who made it past the perilous first years faced a future packed with hard, often hazardous labor that offered scant reward. Only a select privileged minority could truly enjoy the spoils of Roman society.
10 Harsh Realities Of Growing Up In Ancient Rome
10 Being Welcomed Into The Family
In ancient Rome, the pater familias held absolute power over his household, a status cemented by Roman law and the traditional customs known as mos maiorum. He alone could own land and was tasked with representing the family in legal, commercial, and religious matters.
Although the term pater familias translates to “father of the family,” the role didn’t always belong to the biological dad. The title passed to the eldest living male, meaning that if the father died, the oldest son would inherit the position. This explains why Romans prized male offspring and why male adoption was a common practice.
When a newborn arrived, the pater familias had to formally welcome the child. Traditionally, a midwife placed the infant at the father’s feet; only if he lifted the baby did it become an official family member. The patriarch could even disown or sell his children into slavery if they displeased him, and early Roman law technically permitted him to kill them—a practice that later emperors, beginning with Augustus, moved to outlaw.
9 Receiving The Bulla
Because infant mortality was alarmingly high, Roman children weren’t given a name at birth. Instead, families waited a week before naming the child during a ceremony called the dies lustricus (the “day of purification”). Much like a modern birthday, friends and relatives visited to present gifts and offer good wishes.
During this celebration, male infants received a bulla—a pendant meant to fend off evil spirits and to signify the boy’s status as a freeborn Roman citizen. Scholars still debate whether girls also wore a bulla or a different amulet known as a lunula.
Boys were expected to keep their bullae on until they reached adulthood, while girls wore their pendants until marriage. Wealthy families could afford gold bullae, but the lower classes made do with versions crafted from leather, bronze, or tin.
8 The Stages Of A Child’s Life
A Roman youngster’s life was divided into clearly defined stages, both socially and legally. The first phase, infantia, covered birth to age seven for both boys and girls. During this time, children stayed at home under the care of parents, grandparents, guardians, and older siblings, and were considered doli incapax—incapable of criminal intent.
From roughly ages 12 (girls) and 14 (boys) onward, children entered the impuberes stage, still presumed doli incapax but beginning to explore the world beyond the home. They started venturing out, interacting with strangers, and, if the family could afford it, began formal education away from home.
Girls older than twelve became eligible for marriage, while boys reached manhood at fifteen. Upon crossing that threshold, they gained legal privileges and responsibilities, though Roman law still treated them as adolescents until age twenty‑five.
7 Getting An Education
Education in ancient Rome, as in many societies, was largely a privilege of the wealthy. Rough estimates suggest that only about 20 % of the population could read and write, though this varied across different periods.
During most of the Republic, learning was informal, passed down from parents to children. After Rome’s conquest of Greece in 146 B.C., the Greek educational model began to permeate the empire. Tutors—often slaves—became more common, and formal schooling grew in importance.
Children typically entered school at seven, taught by a litterator who instructed them in reading, writing, basic arithmetic, and sometimes Greek. Around age twelve or thirteen, those who could afford it progressed to a “grammar school” led by a grammaticus, where they studied literature, poetry, and the arts. The highest tier involved studying rhetoric under a teacher who introduced them to the works of masters like Cicero and Quintilian.
6 Playing Around
Roman kids enjoyed a variety of toys that mirror many modern equivalents. Infants were often soothed by a rattle called a crepitaculum, crafted from wood or metal and sometimes adorned with bells. Beyond its playful function, the rattle may have also served as a protective charm, similar to the bulla.
Girls favored dolls and puppets made from terracotta, wax, clay, wood, metal, or stone. Some dolls featured articulated limbs, while others could be dressed and accessorized with miniature jewelry.
Boys gravitated toward moving toys such as wheeled carts or wooden horses, and they loved wooden swords for pretend battles. Hoops, kites, balls, and spinning tops were also popular across all ages.
Board games enjoyed by both the young and old involved dice, knucklebones, and stone pieces. Other pastimes included hide‑and‑seek, leapfrog, and a Roman version of tic‑tac‑toe called terni lapilli.
5 The Family Pet
Just like today, ancient Romans cherished animal companions, and many households kept one or more pets. Cats were common, as were Old World monkeys such as Barbary macaques, which authors and poets frequently referenced for their mischievous behavior.
Snakes also featured as pets, though they were primarily regarded as religious symbols and were not typical household animals. Wealthier families often kept birds, whose specialized diets and care made them status symbols beyond the reach of ordinary citizens.
Dogs, however, were the undisputed favorite. They appear frequently in Roman literature, pottery, paintings, and bas‑reliefs, serving both as beloved companions and practical helpers for hunting and guarding. Many Pompeian homes even displayed the famous “Cave canem” (“beware of the dog”) mosaics warning visitors of the resident canine.
4 Finding A Job
The social standing of a boy’s family largely dictated the career avenues available once he reached adolescence. The most prestigious roles lay in politics, but those positions were reserved for the elite and required extensive education.
Slightly lower on the hierarchy were administrative jobs within the empire—tax collectors, notaries, clerks, lawyers, teachers, and the like. These occupations were typically open to well‑educated young men, though some educated slaves, especially Greeks, could also fill such roles.
The most accessible option for most Roman freemen was military service. As a militaristic empire, Rome constantly needed soldiers, providing a steady income and the possibility of land ownership after a 25‑year term of service.
As the empire expanded, the job market diversified. Adolescents could become merchants, artists, entertainers, or tradesmen, though these occupations were usually passed down from father to son. Securing an apprenticeship often required a family connection or patron.
3 Getting Married
Male youths didn’t have to worry about marriage until their mid‑twenties, but girls were expected to wed as early as twelve. Since most girls lacked the extensive education afforded to boys, families saw little reason to keep them at home beyond child‑bearing age.
Wealthy families often married their daughters even younger than their working‑class counterparts, using the marriage as a strategic tool to climb the social ladder. Parents guarded this valuable commodity closely, ensuring their daughters remained chaste and of marriageable age.
Girls had virtually no say in choosing a spouse; the pater familias handled all arrangements, scouting for suitable husbands and negotiating with the prospective groom’s family.
The wedding itself featured many customs that evolved over centuries, some of which persist today—such as the bride wearing white and being carried over the threshold of her new home.
2 Finding A Place To Live
At its zenith, ancient Rome housed over a million residents—a population size not replicated in Europe until the industrial era in London. This massive density forced the city to develop impressive infrastructure, such as aqueducts and the Cloaca Maxima sewage system, but it also made Rome one of the most congested places to grow up.
Two primary types of housing existed. The affluent could afford a domus, a spacious house with multiple rooms, an interior courtyard, and sometimes ground‑level shops called tabernae. The ultra‑rich owned sprawling villas outside the city’s bustle.
The majority of Romans lived in multi‑story apartment blocks known as insulae. As construction techniques improved, these buildings grew taller, some reaching eight or nine stories. By the third century, roughly 44,000 insulae dotted the city, often cramming entire families into a single room.
The floor on which a family resided reflected their social standing. Ground‑level spaces housed businesses, the first few stories offered more spacious and expensive apartments, while upper floors became increasingly cramped and hazardous. Fires were common, and residents on the highest levels often found themselves trapped. Augustus limited the legal height of insulae to 70 Roman feet (about 20.7 m), and Nero later reduced it to 60 Roman feet (≈17.7 m) after the Great Fire.
1 Becoming A Man
Reaching sexual maturity marked a pivotal moment for Roman adolescents. Girls were expected to remain virgins until marriage, and their transition to adulthood was largely signified by the wedding night rather than any elaborate rite.
Boys entered puberty around fifteen or sixteen. In addition to discarding their protective bulla, they swapped their “toga praetexta” for the plain white “toga virilis,” which signaled full male citizenship.
The Liberalia festival celebrated this coming‑of‑age, featuring food, wine, song, and dance. It was originally linked to the lavish Bacchanalia honoring Bacchus, the god of wine and fertility. After the Senate attempted to suppress the Bacchanalia, the two festivals blended, preserving their festive spirit.
A sixteen‑year‑old Roman male could engage in sexual relationships before marriage. Wealthy men often took slaves as lovers, while commoners visited prostitutes. Such liaisons were socially acceptable for men even after they wed; adultery was primarily viewed as a crime when a married woman was involved with a non‑husband.