When we talk about the 10 bizarre traditions of love that shape our modern romance, we usually picture hand‑holding, cheeky texts, and weekend brunches. Yet, centuries ago courting involved some truly odd rituals—cards that mocked your looks, secret tubes for whispered sweet‑nothings, and even miniature eyes traded as tokens of affection. Below, we dive into ten lost customs that once defined courtship, each stranger than the last.
10 Vinegar Valentines
Mean Valentine’s Day cards, known as “Vinegar Valentines,” sprang up in the 1800s as a weapon of ridicule. Unlike the sugary sentiments we send today, these cheap sheets featured a sarcastic illustration and a four‑ to six‑line verse that lampooned the recipient’s quirks—from baldness to social standing. Some cards even urged the unlucky soul to end their life. Their targets spanned neighbors, rivals, bosses, teachers, or anyone whose advances the sender wished to rebuff.
One particularly vicious example depicts a bald fellow surrounded by a swarm of insects, perhaps flies or moths. Beneath the drawing, a rhyming insult reads:
Bald Head. Your bright shining pate is seen at all shows
and invariably down in the bald‑headed rows
where you make conspicuous by your tender care
your true ardent love for that one lonesome hair.
These Vinegar Valentines flourished between the 1840s and 1880s, mass‑produced by the same firms that churned out today’s frilly valentines. Before prepaid stamps, the recipient footed the postage bill, meaning the insult‑bearing card cost the very person it mocked.
9 Wearing Your Heart On Your Sleeve
Ever wondered why we say “wearing your heart on your sleeve”? Three theories compete for the title. The first places the phrase in a Roman‑era festival where men drew names to designate a lady for the year, then literally pinned that name to their sleeve after Emperor Claudius II banned marriage, believing single soldiers fought better.
The second story comes from medieval jousts: a knight would dedicate his performance to a lady and attach a personal token—perhaps a handkerchief—to his arm, broadcasting his devotion to all spectators.
The third origin traces back to Shakespeare’s Othello, where Iago declares, “But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for Daws to peck at,” meaning he would expose his feelings for all to see.
8 Escort Cards
Escort cards, or “flirtation cards,” functioned as Victorian calling cards, letting a shy suitor slip a witty note into a lady’s glove or fan. In an era when women needed chaperones to speak to men, a discreet card offered a safe way to initiate a conversation.
Some cards bore polite invitations—“May I have the pleasure of seeing you home tonight? Keep this card if you accept; return it if you decline.” Others were far bolder, flaunting slogans like “Not Married And Out For A Good Time.”
Women also wielded these cards. Examples such as “You May C Me Home Tonight” and “I am Anna ‘Butch’ Engle Who The Devil Are You?” show that flirtation was a two‑way street, with ladies employing the same cheeky tactics as gentlemen.
7 Lover’s Eyes
Lover’s eyes, or “eye miniatures,” were intimate tokens exchanged by affluent couples in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. A tiny painted portrait of the giver’s eye was presented to the beloved, allowing the receiver to wear the image publicly without revealing the lover’s full identity.
These miniatures ranged from a few millimetres to several centimetres and were rendered in watercolor on ivory or gouache on card. They were set into rings, pendants, brooches, snuffboxes, or even toothpick cases, turning a single eye into a wearable secret.
Legend claims the first lover’s eye emerged after the Prince of Wales (later George VI) pursued Maria Fitzherbert. When she initially rebuffed him, he staged a suicide attempt, prompting her to reconsider. Still hesitant, she later received a miniature eye set in a locket, accompanied by a note urging her to remember his likeness. The gesture succeeded, leading to a secret marriage in December 1785, and the fashion soon spread among high society. Today, fewer than a thousand of these delicate eye portraits survive.
6 Future Husband Superstitions
Long before dating apps, women turned to superstition to glimpse their future spouse. One ancient practice, dating back to Greek and Roman times, held that the first bird sighted on Valentine’s Day foretold the suitor’s character: a goldfinch signaled wealth, a sparrow promised happiness with a modest man, a robin hinted at a sailor, while a woodpecker warned of a marriage that would never happen.
Another British ritual from the 1700s involved pinning five rose‑water‑drenched bay leaves to a pillow—one in the centre and one in each corner—while eating a salted egg without yolk. The participant then whispered a prayer: “Good Valentine, be kind to me; in dreams, let me my true love see.” If performed correctly, the dream‑vision would reveal the future husband.
For the boldest, a midnight pilgrimage to a graveyard on the eve of Saint Valentine’s Day was prescribed. After chanting a special verse and circling the church twelve times, it was believed that the apparition of the destined partner would materialise before the seeker.
5 Bundling
In colonial America, “bundling” let courting couples share a bed while remaining fully clothed. A board often divided the mattress, or the woman was placed inside a large bag—sometimes called a bundling or chastity bag—to keep the pair separate. Parents typically lingered in the same room to ensure propriety.
Scholars trace bundling to early Scottish, Welsh, and broader European immigrants. The practice served a pragmatic purpose: fuel was expensive, and cold nights demanded a shared heat source. Some also link the custom to the biblical tale of Ruth and Boaz, who spent an intimate night together in a threshing floor before marrying.
4 Apples Of Love
In 1975, Benjamin Brody’s article “The Sexual Significance of the Axillae” documented a quirky Austrian custom: a girl would tuck a slice of apple under her armpit while dancing, using the fruit as a natural deodorant. At the dance’s end, she presented the sweaty apple slice to the man she fancied. If he accepted, he would bravely eat the slice, signalling his reciprocal affection.
Men sometimes swapped the apple for other scented objects, like handkerchiefs. An 1899 issue of the Journal of American Folklore noted a similar practice: “To make a girl love you, take a piece of candy or anything she is likely to eat, and put it under either armpit, so that it will get your scent.”
3 Courting Sticks
Early New England courtsmen faced cramped homes and bustling family rooms, leaving little privacy for whispered sweet‑talk. To circumvent this, they invented “courting sticks,” also called courting tubes. These hollow tubes stretched two to two‑and‑a‑half metres, with a diameter of about one inch, and featured a mouthpiece and earpiece at each end.
Couples would sit on opposite sides of the fireplace, speaking into their respective ends. The listener placed the tube’s opposite end into their ear, allowing private conversation while the entire family gathered nearby, unaware of the covert flirtation.
2 Lovespoons
The Welsh tradition of carving lovespoons began in the 16th century and quickly spread across Celtic Europe. Young men fashioned a single‑piece wooden spoon, often embellishing the handle with intricate designs, and presented it to a prospective bride much like a modern bouquet.
If the lady accepted the spoon, it signalled mutual affection and the start of a relationship. The practice is believed to have birthed the modern term “spooning.” Couples who settled together would display the cherished lovespoon on a wall, akin to a wedding photograph.
1 Morgengabe
In medieval Germany, marriage ceremonies were accompanied by a cascade of gifts exchanged between families. The groom paid a “bride price” to the bride’s father, while the families offered various tokens to the newlyweds. Among these, the most intriguing was the “morgengabe,” or morning gift.
The morgengabe, typically amounting to a third or quarter of the dowry, was presented to the bride the morning after the couple consummated their marriage. It functioned as a payment for the bride’s virginity—a legal guarantee that the marriage was consummated and thus fully binding.
Today, the morgengabe stands as a fascinating relic of marital economics, highlighting how love and property intertwined in the Middle Ages.