Throughout history, birds have been symbols of our highest ideals. From songbirds to soaring eagles, they embody the beauty of nature, the devotion of parents, the freedom of the spirit… But are they really so aloof from our mucky, ground-bound ways?
Here are 10 birds with a surprisingly horrifying dark side.
10. Parasitic Jaeger
With its sharp wings and dark feathers, the parasitic jaeger (German for “hunter”) looks like an evil seagull. It acts like one too. The ‘parasitic’ part of its name refers to a habit of stealing food from other birds in mid-air.
Chasing them down and snatching their prey, this bird is a “swashbuckling” pirate. In fact, like pirates, it spends most of its life out at sea – often over turbulent patches – “harrying other seabirds … attacking in groups, until they give up their catch.” It only comes ashore to have sex. In Europe it’s known as the Arctic skua for breeding on the tundras of the north. But even then it’s a menace, eating other birds and their eggs.
Plus it sounds like a crying baby.
9. Pelican
With their duck feet, flamingo heads, and symbolic association with selflessness, pelicans have a place in our heart. It may even have been the pelican, not the stork, that delivered our babies in folklore. They’ve certainly got the beak for it.
Really, though, you should never leave your baby with a pelican – or anything else you love for that matter. When stressed or hungry, it snaps at all sorts and swallows other creatures indiscriminately. Goslings, baby penguins, ducks, pigeons, baby turtles, and chihuahuas have all fallen prey to the pelican.
Once scooped up in the pelican’s bill, its prey sinks down the throat still alive. If the pelican’s hungry, it’ll go to the stomach; if not, it’ll go to the crop. This is the pelican’s food storage sac, where in the absence of enzymes mucus helps soften the prey.
8. Cassowary
Without this colorful flightless bird, some Australian plants wouldn’t grow. A number of seeds – too large for other frugivores to swallow – can only sprout once they’ve passed through the cassowary’s digestive tract. So that’s one thing in its favor.
However, the cassowary is also the most dangerous bird in the world. With a 4-inch dagger-like claw on each foot, it can “slice open any … potential threat with a single swift kick.” Add to that a running speed of up to 50 kilometers per hour, and a vertical jump height of nearly seven feet, and it’s frighteningly reminiscent of velociraptors. They even frighten each other. Mostly solitary, cassowaries are rarely affectionate when they meet. Males are quick to intimidate each other, while females make them flee with just a look. When they do communicate, though, its by ultra low frequency booms – the rumble of which we can feel in our bones.
Unsurprisingly, the cassowary has on occasion killed humans. Usually, they charge, kick, or jump on their victims but may also peck or head-butt, causing “puncture wounds, lacerations and bone fractures.” It’s no good hiding indoors; cassowaries are also known to kick and peck at doors and windows, sometimes breaking through glass. Interestingly, though, this is thought to be a pre-emptive strike on their reflection. Apparently cassowaries are so scary, they’re even scared of themselves.
7. Shoebill
The prehistoric-looking shoebill has long impressed humans. Not only did it feature in ancient Egyptian art, it continues to inspire today: the shoebill was the inspiration for Princess Zelda’s Loftwing or Guardian Bird in The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.
Over a meter tall with an eight-foot wingspan, the shoebill is a formidable hunter – preying on giant fish, snakes, baby crocodiles, and even Nile monitor lizards. Its most striking feature (literally) is its curving, clog-like beak, for which the Arabs called it abu markhub (“father of the slipper”). And while it may look like it’s smiling, that bill is a powerful weapon, clamping down and decapitating prey. It even sounds deadly to us – like a machine gun when it’s greeting other shoebills.
It’s not as a hunter that this bird shows its dark side, though; it’s back at the nest as a fledgling. There’s some heartbreaking footage in David Attenborough’s Africa: when a shoebill mother leaves her nest to fetch water, the older of her chicks bullies the other, viciously pulling and pecking at its down feathers. Already weak, the younger fledgling struggles to support its own weight. And when the mother returns and sees what has happened, she pragmatically favors the bully, neglecting the victim entirely. This may explain why it’s rare for more than one shoebill chick to survive.
6. Cuckoo
The call of the cuckoo is the first sign of spring, but birds have reason to fear it – even if they don’t always know. As brood parasites, cuckoos lay their eggs in other birds’ nests for host birds to raise as their own. It certainly saves on energy. Some even drop their eggs to a nest from the air – their thick shells, like bombs, breaking the hosts’ eggs on impact.
But while it may look slapdash, the cuckoo’s approach is actually carefully planned. Nests aren’t picked at random; cuckoos stake them out in advance. Hiding in the shadows, they watch the hosts’ movements to synchronize their egg-laying and time their infiltration. Then, while the females sneak in, the males (which in some species resemble hawks) may provide a distraction, luring host birds away for a fight.
Neither does cuckoo parenting end there; they’ve been found to check up on their young. In fact, the great spotted cuckoo not only returns to check on its nestlings, it punishes birds that reject them – usually by killing their chicks. This mafia-style “protection racket” isn’t always necessary, though. While not directly raised by their parents, cuckoo hatchlings take after them: hatching earlier and stronger than their parasitized nest mates, they literally kick them out.
5. Reed Warbler
Beloved songbirds in Europe, warblers are an easy mark for cuckoos. Not only is a warbler mother unlikely to notice imposters, she’ll continue feeding even when they reach twice her size. Better still, she doesn’t seem to notice when they push her other eggs from the nest. This isn’t to say reed warblers are selfless or naive, however; they have a sly parenting strategy of their own.
Because male reed warblers only ever provide for one nest – even while they may have sired many – females of “low harem rank” destroy the eggs of their rivals. Researchers observed this behavior by filling artificial nests with plasticine eggs and matching the peckmarks to the warbler. Basically, when a mistress wipes out the first wife’s children, she moves up in line for support.
Newcomer single-parent females also try to gain from the kills. By building their nests close to a site of infanticide, they’re more likely to snap up the male.
4. Shrike
With its small stature, raccoon mask and high-pitched squeaky call, the shrike is undeniably cute. But it’s also a bird of prey – and a psychopath. You may have seen insects – beetles, for instance – impaled on a barb wire fence. It’s not an uncommon sight. It’s actually a sure sign a shrike is nearby (either that or a psychopath child).
As a way of attracting mates, the shrike spikes insects, amphibians, lizards, small mammals, and even birds on fences or thorny trees and cacti. It’s also a way to store food – especially when it’s poisonous, giving time for the toxins to fade. Unlike other birds of prey, shrikes lack talons. So they rely on their hooked little beaks to fly prey to the spikes for impaling. In other words, prey can stay alive for some time in the shrike’s “pantry” or “larder” as it’s called – even while it’s slowly picked apart.
Speaking of psychopathic children, shrikes learn this trick pretty young. Juveniles can be seen practicing with leaves, impaling them on branches near their nest.
3. Kea
This strikingly beautiful mountain parrot is a national treasure in New Zealand, featuring on bank notes, in novels, and old Maori myth. In the Scouts of New Zealand, ‘kea’ is also the name for a 5-8 year old member. It’s also a national pest.
Standing on the backs of sheep, the kea devours them alive – ripping out their loins with their beaks. One farmer in 2009 claimed to have lost up to 30 sheep in two months to “kea strikes.” In one grisly instance, he found the “entire intestinal cavity open.”
It’s a conundrum for New Zealanders. On the one hand, the bird is protected in the highest category of wildlife conservation. On the other, lamb is a primary export. The government’s current solution is to issue case-by-case permits to shoot keas – but they have to be “caught in the act.”
2. Black Vulture
Gathering like witches at derelict buildings, black vultures stalk turkey vultures to steal their food – hissing at them to scare them away. However, their real calling lies elsewhere. The species is notorious among Kentucky farmers for preying on livestock and pets. Apparently, “they like to play with the newborns … they’ll hop around and get the calf comfortable … before they peck out their eyes” – “then the tongue, then every last shred of flesh.” It’s over in minutes.
They’ve also been known to attack pregnant ewes – right as they’re giving birth, surgically skinning the mother to feast on her flesh and the lamb.
As with keas, there’s not a lot farmers can do. The Migratory Bird Treaty Act prohibits harming them without federal permission. Of course, like any species, they’re not entirely without merit (they’re great for clearing up roadkill), but it’s hard not to see them as evil.
1. Duck
Who doesn’t like ducks, with their innocent quacks and frequently colorful plumage? We’ll tell you: people who know their dark secret.
Male ducks (drakes) are among the three percent of birds with a penis – and of these they’re the best endowed. In fact, relative to body size, they’re the best endowed of any vertebrate. The Argentinian lake duck’s, for example, is four inches longer than its body. Even more uniquely, ducks’ penises are corkscrewed – like pigs’ tails with up to ten turns. And, “like a selection of sex toys from a vending machine in a strange alien bar,” they come in ribbed, ridged, and even toothy varieties.”
Nothing wrong with that, you might say, except none of this evolved “for her pleasure.” It’s actually to stop her escaping. Because males outnumber females in most duck species, many drakes just can’t attract a mate. So instead they resort to violent, often deadly gang rape. This behavior is so ingrained in ducks that the penis has evolved to hook into the vagina. And, like a “sexual arms race,” the vagina has evolved its own defenses. For example, it may spiral in the opposite direction to the penis or feature “dead-end side pockets or cul-de-sacs” to capture unwanted sperm. Calling to mind the vagina dentata of folklore, some also have sharp turns or “teeth.”